A
male
age
30-35,
*nickx
writes:Sorry, this is gonna be long but I need your help. Please.I’m 15. great parents but they don’t get along. Constant yelling and verbal abuse. Mom yells 24/7. dad has made me grow up too fast and routinely gives me 30-60+ min speeches on how I need to be more mature or what mom does wrong. I’m all he has to talk to tho. She got rid of all his friends and most of mine. In my life ive had 1 friend over. Used to have maybe 100 friends now have 10 if im lucky cuz im not allowed to hang with them.Back to mature thing. Im most mature 15 yr old guy I know. I stay out of trouble and do almost everything my folks tell me, but now I just want to be a teen. Never had a “normal” kid life. Always (still am) trapped in the house. Mom always yells and cries cause no one loves her or listens. But we all do. Dad expects me to save his marrige. I think divorce would be better but dad has fought for years to keep family together. I have tried but I can’t. I usually make It worse. I love my dad and would do anything for my folks. I’m not sure if I even love my mom any more tho. It hurts me so bad cuz we were brought up to love family. I just can’t pick and choose parents. Mom does all kinds of wack stuff. Has tried divorce 2 times. Dad thinks she bought another house. I think so too. Last few days she has moved all her clothes and kitchen stuff somewhere else. She never buys food for us anymore and never eats at home. She used to have a ton of mail come, but now there’s almost zero. She works 5 days aweek. Used to be she’d work 8am-2pm. Now she leaves befor 4 and comes home after 4pm. Says she’s at work whole time. She never cleans any more and the house is disgusting.Has also attempted to shut down dads business of 10 yrs. He has no money, she has loads. My dad takes care of us himself. (I work and baby sit siblings whenever I can)whe she is home, she talks bad about our family on the phone. I once recorded her saying she’ll take my baby sister and leave the rest of us behind then she said “who cares about the boys.” She also rarely pays for our stuff any more leaving dad to do it.Now after all this, showing them how honest and trustworthy I am, the still won’t give me responsibility. I’m not allowed to even cut the grass or even spend my own money. Dad thinks stuff should be given to us. I wanna earn what I get, but they won’t let me. All I’m allowed to do is sit and play video games. But I hate games. Noot even allowed to play outside most times.I recently got in a relationship with a girl ( 2 weeks). She’s already told me she wants to come over and meet my folks cuz she lives a bit away.(I me t hers) Im not allowd to have friends over tho. Should I explain this to my gf? We really like each other. Im afraid it’ll scare her off like all my friends. But she’ll find out sooner or later and I’m afraid itll hurt our relationship the longer I wait. What should I do?There’s more but that’s all for now. Please respond. I’ll check this post for a while cuz this could change my entire life. Thanks.
View related questions:
at work, divorce, money, trapped, video games Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, xnickx +, writes (26 July 2008):
xnickx is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you guys so much for taking the time to help me.
rcn: My parents have tried counceling in the past and recently too. My mom stopped going and the situation got worse after it. I definately agree she's controlling. I'll tell my dad to stand up to her. Thanks!
Angela.B: I know it's not my problem to solve, but i constantly get dragged in to their fights and am constantly pressured and expected to solve it. I'll make sure i tell my gf everything. I still have my doubts, but i'll trust you on this. Thank you so much.
Helpful Stranger: You advice should help me alot. I'll try to talk to them again. I've tried before, but they just don't want to listen. Especially my dad who is overprotective because my mom technically kidnapped me and my brother when we were younger. That's why i believe shed do it with my sister. If i ask my mom about it, she'll think my dad put me up to it. Like i said tho, i trust you guys 100%. And next time i talk with my dad i'll tell him that i support him. I've tried to clean the house my siblings just mess it up again, and my dad won't really let me cause he says the more i do the less my mom'll do. My parents already knew about my gf. My dad already said she can't come over untill things calm down around here but i don't think that will ever happen. Thanks for everything!
lexilou: I'll try but they probably won't listen. Thanks i really needed someone to back up my thoughts that even tough he's tried so hard, i think they need divorced. And i'll explain to my gf about all this too. Thank you.
My dad is depressed about everything, and i don't want to make him more upset. His especially upset because he thinks i'm depressed. Sure i'm a little less smiley than usual about the whole thing, but not depressed.
Thank you all for all of your concerns and advice. Please keep them coming.
A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (26 July 2008):
 I would call a family meeting and tell them that things have to change as it is not just affecting them but you and I would think your siblings too. It isnt your job to fix the marriage but you can still give them an insight into what they are doing to you, maybe they will take it on board. Your dad thinks he has done right by staying together for the sake of his kids but sometimes kids are better of with two parents apart if living together is causing conflict and unhappiness as this does impact on the whole family. I really feel for you.
As for your girlfriend, I bet her parents arent perfect either, so just explain about them to her. If she still wants to meet them let her, she's interested in you not them and it shouldnt make any difference to her x
...............................
A
female
reader, Angela.B +, writes (26 July 2008):
 I think there's two issues here, the first being your parents and the second being what to tell your girlfriend.
You do sound pretty mature for a kid of 15, and I guess with everything going on you've had to grow up pretty fast. But, you'll notice I still called you "a kid" because that's what you are.
It is not your job to sort out your dad or your mum, and especially not their relationship. You are their child - they are meant to be sorting out you!
It's hard when your caught in the middle of something like this. Your parents clearly have a whole range of issues, but please don't feel like you have to try and fix them. They are the only people that can do that.
Is there a teacher you could talk to at school or another grown up elsewhere? They might be able to help you, or put you in touch with someone who can.
The second issue, your girlfriend, is pretty simple to solve. Tell her. Tell her everything. If she cares for you then she won't be scared off - in fact she's far more likely to be sympathetic.
While you tell her, remember what your parents do is not your fault. You are your own person who happens to have parents that have fallen out with each other. I'm sure she will understand.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (26 July 2008):
 I would talk to her about it. It's not polite to invite her into hell without giving a warning about what to expect.
You said your dad talks to you often. When he does, tell him to stand up to your mother, and stop accepting poor behavior because he's not willing to have a confrontation. They need counseling. I believe your mom wouldn't agree to it, but even so, you and your dad need it to keep from going nuts with all that is going on at home. Sometimes when things get this out of hand, professional help is not just needed but more required. Your mom is a controller. She has to be in charge of her environment to feel content. This is not right because marraige is a partnership, not one controles and everyone else bows down to her throne.
If this continues further steps will need to be taken. Tell your dad he needs to seek counsel from a victims advocate. You can find them at shelters and at the District Attorneys office. They can provide options in straightening out this abrupt situation.
Good luck, and it's not your job to fix their marriage.
...............................
|
