A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone, im a 36 yr old woman whose been dating a 57 yr old man for 2 yrs, and even though things havent been that good over the last few months as they were in the beginning i never dreamed he would treat me and my son the way he has over the last few weeks. he invited me and my son over to spend the week at his house, this is something i have done many times before, and things were never like this, but anyway, the diffrence this time is that his daughter and her 2 children were also staying there, he said his daughter had nowhere else to go, and that he was letting them stay with him for awhile, his son also stays with him, hes 18 and this has never been a problem between us before, because i have met his kids and up until now thought they accepted me and my son into there fathers life, but during the week i was at his home, me and him argued the whole time, and he treated me really bad, he said some mean and cruel things to me, and let his sons gf talk to me very disrespecful, his daughter stole money out of my purse, and when i confronted him with it he got mad and ask me if i was accusing her of stealing from me, i simply went to him to talk to him about it and he started yelling at me and telling me i was disrespecting him in his home, that i was trying to make him choose between me and his family, that isnt true, he was in the room when his sons gf was being rude to me and he didnt say or do anything, if anyone was being disrespected it was me and my son, he also let his grandkids hit, and mistreat my little boy, when i mentioned this to him, he said, that his granddaughters were 11 and 2 yrs old and that my little boy was the one who was being overbearing with them, again this isnt true, he said i did nothing to correct my son when he was being out of lined, and that all i wanted was for him to ignore his family and spend time with me, again thats not true, before his daughter came there to stay, nothing like that ever happened, and since shes been there things have gotten really bad between me and him, he dont call me as much as he use to, he lies to me now where hes been and wheres hes going, he doesnt want to see me as much anymore, and he even told me that he didnt want me back to his place for 3 weeks. when i ask him why he is doing this he just tells me its how it has to be, im hurt over all of this, because the treatment he has placed on me and my son, isnt something he usually does up until that time. i am hurt and really confussed about his actions and talking to him about it just isnt possible, please help me, thanks!
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female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (27 July 2008):
 Its always hard when two families are involved and each will protect their own and believe there own. I dated an older guy with SIX kids. Wow what an eye opener that was. His kids couldnt do a thing wrong and my son got blamed for everything when the real culprit was a 3 year old little madam who got away with blue murder. I realised very quickly that it wouldnt work and we would forever be at loggerheads over discipline, meal times, bed time routines etc etc as he allowed his children to do what they liked when they liked and cooked different food for each of them or allowed them to eat chocolate and crisps every meal time.
Work out what you really want out of a relationship and whether or not this man is really the right one for you AND your children x
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (27 July 2008):
 I would just like to add that perhaps with the additional people in his home HE is stressing out and just trying to find a calm in the storm. He can't take sides and you don't know if he's telling his kids to grow up when you're not around.
If the two of you can't rationally discuss what is going on and try to set boundries, then the relationship is doomed. I also would not bring my child over to the house until everything is settled.
There are new relationships forming between the children who are now living there and yourself and your son. Takes time and takes work. But jeeze life is short, I agree with the others, think about if you want all this commotion in your life (and your sons).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): HiHe is a complete Tosser and you need to dump him, make it clear you are not putting your son or yourself through that rubbish. Maybe it was even him that stole the money out of your purse???? i bet it was, knowing he had a scapegoat. sticking up for family knowing they are wrong is the sign of a weak minded individual with no balls and to tell you that you can come round in three weeks etc...tell him to stick his offer where the monkey's shove their nuts. You can do better than that nasty old fart.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (26 July 2008):
 First, be greatful you do not live with this person. So his true self surfaced. After that, I would not want my children anywhere near this person again.
He says it's his house and you won't disrespect him in his home. Great! This is what it would look like if you lived with him. Dinner must be prepared at a certain time and in a certain way. Laundry must be caught up and don't forget the color coordination he wants his cloths placed. When going anywhere you'll have to tell him where you go, when you get back, and produce all receipts for purchases made. Your son won't be allowed school activities because you may converse with other members of the opposite sex.
The bad thing too is you'd be dragging your son through all this. Guess how he'd learn to treat women? This guy is not worth it. What I'd do, thinking of my children first, when he calls tell him it's just not going to work out. If he throws a fit tell him "don't you disrespect me on my phone." then hang up.
Please remember this. If he says he won't do it again. He'll change, or any other excuse for his action. IT'S CRAP, NOT TRUE. This form of behavior is not like you stub a toe and say a word you may not generally use. It's build in to his personality, his beliefs, and thoughts. His "old school" way of being. The "I king, you maid" mentality. These people really have ruined the beauty that can be created in relationships. Being a man, I was in a controlling relationship. My ex has a mental disorder which created false issues that caused her to be controlling and violent. From my experience I'll tell you. I'd rather be in HELL and be free than be back in the situation I had with her. For yours and your childs sake, stay out of hell.
Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): I read right through your question but I didn't really need to - I could tell what was coming. A bit like one of those scripts on television where you guess the plot halfway through and figure you could have written it yourself.
Other peoples' kids in the same house are always, and I do mean ALWAYS a problem. They're all hell bent on seeing how far they can push things before they cause a rumpus or get a clip around the ear. They think they can get away with it because they know their parents are trying to be on their best behavious and they are unlikely to get or are immune from a swift backhander.
Your man is being protective towards his lot, and you yours. The only successful way around this is for you and your man to agree what the limits of behaviour are, and that if any of the children misbehave either of you can dish out the discipline and the other backs them up 100%. If there's to be any disagreements over it you do it out of earshot of the kids. The two of you have to be united and singing from the same songsheet otherwise it will simply degenerate into one huge argument with firworks for the finale.
There's a big age difference here - are you sure you're with the right man? Do you really want to go through all this again?
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (26 July 2008):
 Have some respect for yourself and walk away. If you stay..this just reinforce that you will put up with his bad behavior. There are many men out there who will treat you right...don't think that he's the only one that you can get. You deserve to be treated better. He is not the one for you if he treats you like this..and don't tell yourself anything different
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