A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I had (and am still trying to get over) a serious crush on guy for a while and end of last year decided to tell him. On facebook, as we hardly ever see each other. He was flattered but only liked me as a friend. He asked me about my plans for this year and I told him I'd tell him about it when I had the chance. I never did because I decided I needed to move on and chatting with a him and waiting on his messages wouldn't really help. And I was also feeling pretty embarrassed and just wanted to at least keep a little dignity. A month later it was my birthday and he never said anything. Either because he didn't care to. Either because he didn't want to lead me on. Either because he probably assumed I was angry with him...who knows. 2 months later it's HIS birthday soon and I want to know whether I should wish him or not. I want to maintain the friendship we had, but also don't want him thinking I'm still in love with him (which yes, I kind of still am). Will a simple "Happy birthday :)" do? What will he think? Is this even a good idea for my own 'progress'?
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crush, facebook, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2016): I'm going to take a different take. Are you familiar with the Bible verses on love 1 Corinthians 13? Visit that. Read it. Pray about it. Then make your decision. Only YOU know what feels right...and long as you don't have an agenda, why not send birthday wishes? Keep it simple and be confident. The roof won't fall in. Don't worry about reciprocity. God, the universe will provide that. Better to follow your heart than regret never taking a chance to reach out. It's only a birthday greeting, not a marriage proposal. So breathe, pray, and then decide.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks aunts (and uncles) :) Thanks for your honesty. I can be really stubborn at times. I think the real problem here is that over the past years I have gotten so used to being the one who does the rejecting. I'm really picky, and when guys tell me they like me I simply tell them I only like them as a friend or make up other stupid excuses. But its so easy. And I don't take those people seriously. Now I thought I'd found someone that I actually WANTED. I had to actually work at trying to get his attention, and now the fact that he doesn't like me doesn't seem to want to sink in. It hurts. And to think that he regards me just as pathetically as I regarded those other guys. I think that is why it's taking forever to get over him. Sometimes I keep thinking, "He'll come around" which is stupid and arrogant and grr... not at all helpful! So thanks for the stern advice - I needed it. I've been trying my best to move on but I'm not gonna lie - it's been very very difficult. But I'm definitely trying. I'm glad I didn't try contact him, I would have made things so much more complicated. I'm taking CindyCares' advice; I shall not think about talking to people who do not exist. Else I'll be mad.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 March 2014):
 No, bad idea.
Didn't you say that you want to nove on ? And get over him ?
How are you going to do that, if you keep giving yourself lame excuses for contacting him, stirring up old feelings, and, obviously,... waiting with bated breath that he says something back ?!
To move on definitely from somebody, you just decide / accept that they aren'part of your life anymore ( at least until the crush still lasts ). They do not exists for you. Do you send birthday wishes to people who do not exist ?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (10 March 2014):
 Nope. He's your "ex-".... let him remain so....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (9 March 2014):
 You are hanging on and still hoping for something that is not going to happen. He let you down gently when you professed your feelings for him. You are deluding yourself into believing there is a friendship between you.
There isn't! You really need to let this go.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-wants-to-be-friends-but-dont-friends.html
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 March 2014):
 You can't maintain the friendship you had. The crush has altered it forever. You tried and he said 'no.' That was brave of you and now you won't have the regret of wondering if you should have told him or not. You gave it a shot, it didn't work, that happens all the time.
So it's time to end the wishful thinking and imagining a future that is not going to happen. You are holding yourself back now. You may be overlooking a great guy because you are still fantasizing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2014): Distance and time is what you need to get over your feelings.
That requires that you maintain no-contact.
Your feelings may never change for him, and you are not satisfied with just being a friend.
He didn't acknowledge your birthday; because it doesn't mean anything to him. He has no intention of pretending that it does.
He was awkwardly making small-talk by asking your plans. The generic kind of conversation you'd have with a co-worker, or a neighbor you haven't seen for a while.
It's also condescending let-down chat; after you just rejected someone who got up the nerve to expose their feelings for you.
Sad to say, you are the only one interested in maintaining a friendship. He would show more enthusiasm if he shared the feelings. He doesn't.
Just leave him alone and forget about him. You'll be doing you both a favor. Clinging to a threat of hope is definitely beneath your dignity. He isn't showing any signs he wants to have anything to do with you. That's not how you treat a friend.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (9 March 2014):
 For your own progress, it's a terrible idea as you will then be secretly hoping to hear back from him. You freely admit you're not over the guy.
And as for the friendship - no offense, but if you've been out of contact with him for months since declaring feelings he didn't share, there isn't much of a friendship to "maintain." That's your mind looking for reasons not to let go of this 100% like you know deep down you must do.
I would leave it alone, personally. And if you do decide to message him, please prepare yourself for the possibility that he may not even acknowledge the message, in an effort not to encourage you. I can only imagine that would make you feel worse ...?
Good luck and best wishes.
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