A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently found out that the guy I've been dating for 5 months is going to be moving across the world for a work project for at least several months. His current job is temporary as well, so, when he finishes his project, he doesn't know where he'll end up (he does scientific research, so it could be anywhere).Knowing that he might not be staying in the area permanently, we've both been really guarded about the relationship, and have taken things really slow, but recently we admitted feeling attached. Our last date (last weekend) was really romantic and we spent the whole day together, like we were in a relationship. We both cried a little bit because we know there is no way for us to start a real relationship with him leaving. I was out of town for work this past week and he emailed me once, mid-week, but now I'm home and I haven't heard from him since. My gut says he's probably trying to distance himself because he's afraid of getting too close and then having leaving be painful, but, then again, I also think that if he was really "into me" he would want to find a way to make it work.I know it would be silly of me to ask to keep a relationship, not knowing if he will even return to the U.S. any time soon. Still, I would like for us to keep in touch and just see what happens. Should I bring this up, or should I just let it be? Is it common for men to withdraw when they're getting too close and they stand to get hurt (for obvious reasons), or do you think that he's "just not that into" me? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know that not every relationship can be "it" but it makes me sad. Then again, if it's meant to be, it will be. If he ends up back here, or near enough to where we can see each other, maybe something will come of it, but, the bottom line is, I shouldn't hold my breath. At least I'm glad that I was able to be vulnerable with this guy and he with me, and maybe someone else will come along someday that I can be vulnerable with and they'll stick around. Thanks for the advice. Sometimes it's not what you want to hear, but the truth isn't always kind.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 March 2014):
 Let it be.
He knew when he took up with you how fluid his future plans were going to be, and he knew he is in no position to make firm, local committments with anybody, this is not just like an unforeseen , out of the blue development, right ?
I guess he has already filed you under : temporary although positive and fulfilling experience. Not all relationship can or should be future oriented, I think he was and is fully aware that yours was going to be a " temporary love " and he is quite prepared to handle it as such ( although, of course, we are all human and may get emotionally attached, and be sad to leave, beyond our expectations ).
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (10 March 2014):
 I think he's into his career and may have enjoyed the time he spent with you but not enough to give it up to have something permanent with you.
So my advice is savour the memories you made together. Maybe you'll get to see again before he leaves, but beyond that let it be.
He knows how to reach you, so let him keep in touch, but if he does, don't make any commitments. It could be years before you see him again. You have a life to live, and hopefully some goals of your own.
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