A
male
age
41-50,
*roncoDude28
writes:I have a learning disability and she my fiancee has.She doesn't help me when I can't think on my own sometimes. Like she opened an account before I did and they accepted her credit union information and not mine at social security office. And now I'm stuck with a stupid payee rep that I can't have my full amount. But I got angry and upset with my fiancee about this and not helping me when I needed it the most
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 March 2014):
 As a matter of fact, I think your gf is paying you a compliment , and showing you respect if she refuses to treat you as a young child, or as mentally incapacitated , just because of your imperfect coping skills / problem solving ability.
You are learning disabled, OP, not a 5 y.o. child or clinically insane or affected by some severe cognitive handicap . Your coping skills are good enough to let you type, use Internet, come up with the idea to ask a forum when you have a problem, and explain your problem in correct English. So it's not like you are as needy and helpless as you portray yourself. It may take you more time, more effort, more struggle for coming up with solutions, so what ? Take more time, put more effort.
Everybody have got our own limitations, OP, for age reasons I think it would take me more time and effort if you and I were climbing the same long flight of stairs, nevertheless that would not entitle me to ask you carrying me upstairs in your arms . You'd go ahead and I'd reach you a little bit later.
If there's something that you feel you REALLY can't do on your own ... just ask her openly, OP, she is not a mindreader, she can't just assume that you need to be guided and protected in every single aspect of your life,- because you don't , OP, at least, that's not what a learning disability does to you in general. So, if you need extra help, ASK rather than sulk.
Said that, if you find yourself constantly at a loss when navigating bureaucracy, money issues and legal issues, .. as another poster said, I think you should ask a social worker to be assigned to you , that would be the more competent figure for helping you. Your gf is your gf, not your mommy, lawyer, or personal secretary, besides she does not necessarily KNOW all that you need to know and is not necessarily competent enough to steer you right.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (6 March 2014):
 If the solution is so simple that it doesn't require a scientist to figure out, then why didn't you? Why is it all on your girlfriend?
OP, life is hard enough for everyone. We all have our burdens to carry, but you're expecting her to carry yours as well. That's unreasonable.
Perhaps you could contact a government agency in your area to see about having a social worker assigned to you. They could help you with things like this.
Like I said earlier, you're clearly capable of learning because you figured out how to use your computer, the internet and you've been able to express yourself here.
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A
male
reader, BroncoDude28 +, writes (6 March 2014):
BroncoDude28 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat if I can not take control of my life like she can. It's like I have no freedom at all. It's crazy how she got her money before I did like I'm supposed to deal with the fact that I can't think of everything else either. Like I know how figure out everything on own. I got so angry at her cause it seemed like she was supposed to suggest it to me when I need like I don't have the skills to be problem solving everything little detail. I feel like she don't care like I can't problem solve like she can. I'm not good at it, like I ever will be.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 March 2014):
 OP, you assume she does not care about you, but maybe to her making those suggestions indicates a lack of faith in your abilities. Perhaps she felt you were wise enough and able to make these decisions and choices on your own without help. IF you didn’t ASK her for help how was she to KNOW you needed it? She’s not a mind reader.
IF you worked for ten years, did you have an injury that has resulted in your disability? Are you getting SSD or SSI? THEY are very different programs.
If this is a new injury then I can understand your frustration. Your last comment “I told my fiancee that we're two different people with different needs. And maybe she should find someone else so that way she doesn't have to deal with a person so helpless.” REEKS of self-pity.
Every pot has a cover. This means that even YOU (feeling as you do) have a match out there. To break up with your fiancé (and by the time you get engaged you should be sure of the person you are with) because she “needs someone not so helpless” just means you are feeling sorry for yourself. I doubt she sees you that way but your frustration is going to be harmful. Why can’t you ASK for help?
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A
male
reader, BroncoDude28 +, writes (5 March 2014):
BroncoDude28 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt is like my fiancee doesn't care about me. She doesn't suggested if I wanted an account, a separate account like it doesn't take a scientist to figure out. I have to deal with not having my money when I worked into for ten years. I'm tired of waiting for stuff when I don't need to. How am I supposed to move on with this. I told my fiancee that we're two different people with different needs. And maybe she should find someone else so that way she doesn't have to deal with a person so helpless.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 March 2014):
OP, is it possible they didn't accept your bank information because you have to have a rep payee? ( I work for SSA so I get the whole rep payee thing my son is on SSI and has to have a rep payee and he could have written your post.. oh I hope you are not my son, you are the right age and location)
When you say "I can't have my full amount" what do you think your payee is doing with your money? Your SSI is about $721 per month) granted you probably don't have many expenses (medicaid covers medical and who knows what other local services you get) but that $721 is for food, clothing and shelter.
what's the real problem?
if your fiancee is on SSI and you are on SSI then you both are severely disabled in some way... perhaps you can't manage day to day living? My son thinks he can live alone with his gf no in his group facility... I know better but I can't explain to him why he needs a payee?
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (4 March 2014):
I'm not sure what your fiance was supposed to have done here. Was your information not accepted because it was incomplete or was there some other reason?
Your learning disability means you have difficulties, learning isn't impossible for you. You were able to figure out how to use the internet, create an account here and pose this question. Clearly you can learn and you can communicate.
I suggest you plan a little farther ahead which would allow you more time to handle things that are more difficult for you. Find out exactly what you need and when you need it, and perhaps enlist the help of someone without similar difficulties themselves.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2014): BroncoDude how exactly is it her fault they refused your details? That's not a rhetorical question either. Can you definitely say that even with her help they would have accepted your details? If not then you can't blame her for this.
With all due respect BroncoDude if thinking on the fly is an issue for you then you need to better prepare for admin stuff by knowing every situation and requirement before you go in to do things like that. Your fiancée also has a learning difficulty, so perhaps you're better off getting a friend or relative that doesn't and is good at that sort of thing to accompany you in future.
I honestly can't see why you're blaming your fiancée here, nothing you have said indicates anything she's at fault for.
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