A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm planning to get married in a month or so there is one adult child on my side and 3 on my Fiancée side, would it be inapporiate to marry before the children all meet? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 June 2014):
 I don't think there is ONE correct answer here.
IF they are all aware that you have been dating and are getting married I would think it was a good idea that they get to meet. Who not have a cook out or a dinner and invite them all? Personally, I'd want to met whomever is my Dad's partner (or Mom).
I don't think it's a MUST though.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 June 2014):
 I don't think it would be " inappropriate " per se if the future stepsiblings do not meet before your wedding, but surely it 's a bit unusual, and awkward too ?
Why not give them the chance to break ice and socialize in front of a couple of drinks or a good dinner before the formal ceremony ? It's not that they have to bond instantly or play long lost siblings,- just meet and greet each other since , from now on, whether they like it or no, they become part of the same family.
Of course it all depends, just use common sense. If these 4 adult children are all scaterred out at the 4 corners of the country- or abroad, even - and getting them all together would take lots of time, energy and money, then it's fine if they meet just at the wedding or even much later, whenever the occasion arises. But if without going through excessive trouble you can get them all around the same dinner table, why not doing it right now ?.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2014): Are they invited to the wedding?
It would be good if you all at least attempted to get to know each other,before during or after. Those who want to meet and the ones who don't care,it is their choice but at least you would prove willing and considerate of others feelings.
Better for people to have the opportunity to choose if they want to meet extended family.
Congratulations anyway.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (4 June 2014):
It would be more sensitive and caring to introduce all before wedding.They would feel more included rather then being just told. Best wishes. NORA B.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 June 2014):
 To add... my adult children do not consider my husband as related to them. He is referred to not as "my stepfather" but rather "my mother's husband" he did not raise them, he was never a father figure to them. Yes he met them (and my dad) before we married. but to get my then boyfriend to meet my dad meant we had to take a plane ride and use vacation days etc. Had my dad not met him before we married it would not have been a huge deal to me or him or my dad.
NOT meeting the adult children of your partner is one thing... you didn't say you have not met the children just that your children and his have not all met... I see no problem with this as often adult children do not live in the same area their parents do.
FWIW I have never met my husband's mother. I've never even had a conversation wit her.
Adults tend to CHOOSE their family and not always go by the societal norms that define family.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 June 2014):
my father has been with the same woman for 18 years. they live as husband and wife. I still have not met all her children.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (4 June 2014):
 I agree with Mark - how long have you been in a relationship with this man, and why have your families not met before?
Have you met his children, and he met yours? If not, why not? This seems a very important issue to have overlooked so close to a marriage ceremony.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (4 June 2014):
 I would say it would be better to introduce them before they become "family" yes.
Out of interest, if you are getting married then presumably you have known your intended for a while? Do your kids and his know you are in this relationship? That would be info that could help us answer more thoroughly.
Mark
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A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (4 June 2014):
 I really think they should all meet. Although they are all adults they are all still your children and a part of your lives. It may cause a lot of ill feeling and awkwardness for them all knowing that their respective parents are getting married and they haven't met their future step siblings. Perhaps you should invite them all to your house for a little family celebration prior to your marriage.
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