A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a long distance relationship and we have not yet been sexual in person . Next time we meet we will take it to the next level but in the meantime we enjoy that online but I'm worried about how I can possibly keep my bf interested when he enjoys so much porn.I mean all we have is video or pictures and my pictures or video could never come anywhere close to what he can see online How could I ever compete with all that he can access? He can see me one night and then the next day log on to far sexier women . I feel I can never win . Why even bother trying to take it further. I know there is the emotional side but visually and sexually I feel it's a lost cause ... Help I'm getting depressed
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depressed, long distance, porn Reply to this Question
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (17 June 2014):
 Pretier women is NOT what men look at when they look at porn...we look more at the huge male penis and envy the men that get the women.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2014): Does your boyfriend call you beautiful? If he does, then I'm sure there's nothing to worry about.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2014): I'm also in a long distance relationship. I'm a male, and as soon as I met my girlfriend, I started losing interest in online porn, and now it's her that drives me crazy and is on my mind all the time. We haven't made love yet either, but I'm just trying to get across that some men do lose interest in porn when they meet someone that they love dearly and want to satisfy as much as possible, so maybe this is the case with your boyfriend as well. Just take it easy, as you really don't want to pressure yourself about this.
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A
female
reader, cattycakes +, writes (29 May 2014):
If he understands how much it hurts you he will give it up. All relationships are give and take. If I had a habit that made my husband very unhappy I would stop. A myth has developed in society, of entitlement. A woman dare not ask a man to give up his porn...instead it is her who needs to adapt, it is her problem? It is not. Pornography, because of it's extent and availability, as well as the idea being pushed that it is harmless, is destroying sexual intimacy. It is becoming one of the biggest addictions across society at the moment. I am not making this up. In my work, I have colleagues who are addiction counsellors and they say this is the new "big problem".
You certainly do not need to accept a partner who is a porn user. If it upsets you just say no. It may be hard to find someone who never has, but if it is as noticeable as it is currently it looks like a big problem.
This guy may be right for you in many ways, but if this makes you unhappy and he won't help, he has a flaw that makes him wrong for you. The thing it says to me is, if you and he had any problem in future and he could not adapt over this issue, you are going to have big problems as a team in general. He may need someone who feels things less, so is less affected. You may need someone more sensitive.
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A
male
reader, RevMick +, writes (28 May 2014):
 Hi,
I don't think you should worry about porn at this stage. The long distance will be playing on your mind and even the smallest things become the size of Uluru.
The best thing is sex with someone you really like, you have waited and it will be great. I would caution not just doing it because you are going to be together for a short time. (As in the distance).
I would do it, if and when it feels right. You don't want to give it away, then regret it down the line.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 May 2014):
 I think that's an easy answer :) - because , unless a guy has become a total unredeemable porn addict , the real thing is better, and feels better, than its representation. He can see all the hot weird porn he wants, but , at the end of the day, he is still only making love ... to his hand. What about a real physical tangible human body for a change ? Sight is only one of the 5 senses , but the other are better , or only , stimulated in person . Add, hopefully, the emotional, affective component, and you'll see why - thanks God ! - so many men still bother to have real life sex even if porn is so easily and freely available nowadays.
You can see all the documentaries about the sea that you want, no matter how beautifully filmed in exotic locations, but if you are a sea lover, nothing beats the sensation of being immersed in real sea water.
You can salivate over descriptions and pictures of gourmet dishes in cooking magazines, but when it's mealtime, you'll want some real, chewable food.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 May 2014):
 He can walk down the street and see a far sexier girl, then what?
THERE will ALWAYS be prettier, taller, skinnier, smarter... you name it.. out there. BUT your BF is dating YOU for a reason. And that reason (I sorely hope) is that he LIKES you or LOVES you.
I think LDR are not for everyone, because it can (and will) bring out insecurities and misunderstanding so easily BECAUSE of the distance.
As for the porn... As for porn, it has nothing on sex. YOU can access porn too. Bigger guys, hotter guys, any race or creed. Does that makes you WANT your BF less?
Has your BF compared you to a porn star? Does he expect you to act like one? If you can say yes to both those questions then he ISN'T looking for a partner but a flesh and blood blow up doll. IF you can say no to both questions, then that is because he doesn't COMPARE you.
He might LOOK at the ACT in porn and want to REPLICATE that with you, because he found the ACT arousing. THE ACT.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2014): Most LDR are fake if you haven't met and don't interact with the person on a regular basis in real life. So what you really have here is someone who is using you for online sexting and nude pics. I would move on and find a real life bf. Don't compare yourself to porn workers, there is no comparison there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2014): I do believe that there are some men who would prefer to look at someone they know rather than strangers on the internet. At least your boyfriend didn't make up some bullshit to get out of having pictures of you like my ex.
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A
male
reader, Levsn  +, writes (28 May 2014):
Sigh, this question was, in one way or another, often discussed on this site. I can tell you right away; Porn is a fantasy, we Men are visual creatures. I am in a long relationship too, well she only lives 2 hours away so it's not that bad, but never every would I prefer a fantasy object over my girlfriend. Never!
We Men don't see the actors in porn as real persons, and it is just a quick way to release some stress. You should talk to him about how you feel, communication is very important!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (28 May 2014):
I can't imagine why women keep comparing themselves to porn stars and comparing sex to watching porn.
Does your bf know what you look like and is he okay with it?
If so, you have nothing to worry about. He can't stick his penis into a porn. Also, real women are sexier than porn on a screen.
In the end, you can't worry that someone may not be right for you... If they aren't right for you there's no point in feeling bad about it. Just be yourself and find a guy who loves you for it.
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