A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Something happened recently which annoyed me some what and I would like opinions as to whether I'm being too sensitive or not...2 weeks ago my work organised for us all to have an evening out- now seeing as I lived closest to the venue where the evening was being held, 3 of my colleagues who live much further away asked if they could come and get ready at my house, instead of going all the way home and back again. I was happy to have them over.When they came over I felt like they had no respect at all for my home. I got some wine and nibbles for everyone and they were making crumbs everywhere- despite me giving them plates and napkins to use- they didn't bother with them.1 of the ladies wanted to have a shower and wash her hair which was fine- I got her towels and body wash, shampoo etc... When I got home that evening they had left the bathroom in an awful state- wet towels on the floor, water everywhere, spilt makeup and my shampoo and body wash bottles left open with all the contents coming out of them! The bathroom looked like my sisters after her 19 year old daughter and friends get ready for a night out! My colleagues are all in their 30s!!What really upset me is that when I went to the spare bedroom - where they had been getting ready I noticed that some red wine had been spilt on my carpet, which had been attempted to be covered up with my side table and 1 of them had been smoking as there were cigarette butts on the window sill and I could smell smoke! I found this completely unacceptable as i told 2 women that smoked they could do so, outside!! When I went in to work Monday I spoke to them about the smoking and wine spillage and all 3 of them denied any knowledge of these things! Then they laughed about it!! Is this acceptable?? I barely spoke to them all week and not 1 of them apologised. Then another colleague got involved, who didn't come to my house and said I was being harsh!! Seriously??! These ladies are all home owners and take pride in their home- why couldn't they respect mine? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 March 2015):
 They are all in their 30's too?
I mean I have had friends over to get ready when we ere in our teens, 20's and NO ONE ever treated my place like a public restroom. EVER. Yeah, things got spilled ( I'm more of a white wine kind of girl, always was) but it would be at least attempted to clean up and no one would smoke inside( I had a little patio on the back of my house and smokers would go there).
They ARE manner-less slobs, and now you know. DO not offer your place up for them again.
Would I expect an apology? No, these aren't ladies nor friends. I would chalk this up to a learning experience. So, I'd let it go. Obviously you can't teach piglets to not make mud and roll in it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2015): As they have confirmed, they are not your friends.
A friend would have more respect.
Even an acquaintance would have enough respect to be contrite when caught.
You have every right to be angry.
But, don't let it cause tension for you at work. Breathe and let it go. Don't ever go out of your way to help them again. And don't become bitter about the world. Not everyone is like this.
They give humanity a bad name!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 March 2015):
 OH no they were so very wrong on so many levels.
I have spilled wine in a friend's home. I helped clean it up and offered to pay to have it cleaned professional and if it did not come out... you OFFER to replace it. (hopefully a good friend would say no)
and if someone says do not smoke in my house.. then you do not smoke in the house.
it's like at work I think... folks don't clean up after themselves.
Now you know never to let him in your home again.
we have a guest coming this weekend. She's stayed with us before and has always helped out around the house... cleaning up after herself and making NO WORK for me.
when we stay at friends we clean as we go...
Next time something comes up, don't offer and if they ask you say "I'm sorry it didn't work out for me last time"
they are immature, and childish and wrong. They are NOT friends. they are lousy co-workers. sorry about that.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 March 2015):
 They are mannerless slobs, what can you do. You are so nice to offer them hospitality, and refreshments too, for their convenience, and they thrash the place ?- yeah, not acceptable if they are over 17.
Which makes me think the only ( sort of ) extenuating circumstance I can think of, since you say they are houseproud ladies in their 30's. That this kind of gigs does not come their way too often , and this going to paint the town red felt " amazing " and exceptional, a bit like being back in high school again, and made them all stupid and giggly and ...rambunctious, at the expenses of your apartment.
Which of course explain things, does not justify them.
So I do not feel you have been " harsh " for calling them out on their rudeness- at least, if you took them apart and spoke to them individually, without an attempt of public shaming in front of other colleagues. As for not taking responsibility, yes it's absurd that a grown up woman can't just say " sorry, I apologize " , but if the smoker/spiller was just one person, I also think you could not reasonably expect her friends to rat her out.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (9 March 2015):
 You are right to be upset. They have shown great disrespect to you and your home. They should be apologising and offering to replace your carpet. It shows what kind of people they are.
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