A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:A few weeks ago I fell out with a man who won't speak to me or reply to my calls over the fact he was having an affair.We used to be close - but after I said I didn't want to get too serious - he started chasing other women. Feeling hurt I stated he shouldn't be playing around with other people's girlfriends - but it obviously touched a nerve and he got really angry with me. He has since stopped communicating with me, just for having an opinion - but I wasn't trying to interfere just having my say - which he has obviously overreacted to.The thing is - I still care for him - but he refuses to have anything more to do with me now. Why do I still care so much and do guys like this ever forgive and forget?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 March 2015):
 I think it would also depend from when this happened. If your apologies are recent , maybe he needs some more time to digest them / accept them.
Oth, here's a thought for you :
I don't know in which kind of terms you were before falling out, from what you wrote it sounds like you were just friends and he wanted from you something romantic / sexual ,which you chose not to give him. Yet, you'd like to stay friends.
If this is the case, chances are ...you'd find out he's already got all the " friends " that he needs.
It may not be fair... but it would make sense. He wanted from you stuff that one asks a lover , not a friend, - and since you are not game with that, he can't be that bothered about staying friends or mending a rift.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Cindy - for your answer. I did try contacting him to say I was sorry - but he didn't reply. So it looks like he is still angry about it. I just wonder if time will make him soften...some men just can't be reasoned with I guess..
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (14 March 2015):
You weren't trying to interfere...unluckily you managed without even tryng.
Opinions about personal behaviours and choices are best received when they are asked for, ( as you are doing now asking DC's opinions ) , or when there's such a degree of intimacy / closeness that warrants you to speak your mind freely without too many compliments.
Otherwise, it's crossing a bog line that some people won't accept to be crossed. You are free to express your opinions... and other people are free to feel offended / annoyed by that , up to the point of cutting you off.
You may see this as " overreacting " but most people, including your ex friend, would simply see it as
" reacting " normally and understandably. That too - is a matter of opinions.
Of course it is possible that your "having a say " DID hit a nerve , if he for first feels guilty, deep down, about his behaviour; but whether that's true or not it's not very relevant, I think he just does not see, anyway, how monitoring his sexual behaviour is any of your business , particularly since you state you did not want to be very close on a personal level.
I have no idea if he will forgive and forget , or not . That woud depend from his personality, and from how actually deep your friendship was before the incident.
I think that this COULD probably be fixed if you apologized , something around the lines " sorry if I came off as judgemental or interfering, actually I was just hurt etc." - but that would be advisable, and would work, only if you were sincere and he able to convey your sincere regret over the incident.
If you still believe that you are in the right, and that you were fully entitled to act as you did, - then just leave it at that.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 March 2015):
 I don't see how it's ANY of your business who he chases after - you are NOT his GF (your choice) and you are NOT the morality police either.
I think you didn't exactly challenge him, but you got offended that he didn't WANT to stick around when YOU decided you didn't want anything serious. You WERE trying to interfere, be honest.
You can't have it both ways. If you do NOT want to date him, he is FREE to date whomever he likes.
And let him go, stop chasing after him, calling or texting. If you two were good friend he MIGHT get over it and talk to you again. He might not.
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