A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm confused, so their is this girl at my school I like. She is actually a party girl and the word is she gets around. A few months ago I went out on a date with her and everything went good in my opinion. Idrove to her house met her mom and grandmother. Then when we got to my car I opened her and even when we got to the restaraunt I opened it. Basically, I was trying to be a gentlemen which she wasn't used too. After our date we didn't really talk in school but we texted for about 3 days. Finally she calls me and tells me how she is not over her ex, which I don't exactly believe but I accepted it. We remain friends and recently her friend as well as my friend told me she wants to go to prom with me. So I asked her and she said yes. Looking back on the situation I'm wondering if she really wants to go with me. She is a pretty girl and the word is alot of guys are lining up to ask her. And its kinda of strange to me that she wants to go with me because she never texts me just to talk or hang out. I feel likeits because for some reason I have this reputation of "Mr. Clean" meaning I don't party. But I feel like she could be using me for prom just to get pictures out of it and then dance with other people. And I being paranoid or could this actually happend someone let me know please.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2015): Hmmm. I know first hand that other people can gossip like wildfire and ruin a girl's/woman's reputation when there is very, very little substance to it - I've had it happen to me.BUT I also believe in trusting your instincts. And yours sound like they could be on (kind of) the right track.It seems to me she's doing a 'clean up' act. You say you think she wants pictures and to be seen with you...it suggests to me that she has become aware of her reputation and wants to be seen with a 'Mr Clean'. The questions then are: a. Do you mind being used to help to clean up someone's reputation and risk dirtying your own? b. Is her reputation REALLY warranted? If it's not, and she's just a nice, shy girl who is a bit naive about men (yes, we do exist!!!!), then you'd be doing her a favour and it would make sense that she might then begin to trust and really like you. At the moment, it seems like she's just not used to dealing with a gentleman BUT it could also be that her reputation is warranted and she's just playing you.If you feel you want to then I suggest that you discretely get to the bottom of her reputation - find out what's been said about her, by whom and how much substance it really does have. Call her out on it after finding out what's been said. OR, if that seems too underhand and you don't want to be part of it, then you simply walk away and don't get involved at all. But I know when my reputation was ruined what hurt most was no-one EVER bothered to try to talk to me about what really happened and I never got to find out exactly what was said or where it started - I didn't even know I'd been seriously talked about until more and more people began ignoring me - and it's haunted me for years ever since. I can't get to the bottom of it even today and I know for sure I did nothing wrong. So I would have loved for someone to get to the truth and question me about what actually happened. Even if she did do something 'wrong' it's not like she's murdered someone is it? So maybe she deserves a second chance in putting whatever it is right? It's your call. Remain a gentleman, but don't be taken for a fool.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2015): I think you are being kind of hard on her because of her reputation. And rather skeptical of her. You said you open the door for her, which she is probably not used to. That's kind of condescending. How do you know she is not used to it? Really you don't. You are also skeptical of her telling you that her aloofness is because she is not over her ex. If she was just using you she wouldn't even bother telling you that. She wouldn't say anything. People talk and rumors develop into these half truths, especially in high school. But I think you are placing way too much importance on what others say and think of her and not enough on what she herself is telling you. And you are letting the opinions of others shape your own opinion of her. Without giving her a fair chance. Yeah it's weird that she barely talks to you. Maybe she is shy. Despite what everybody else seems to think, did you ever consider that? She wants to go to prom with you and you said yourself you like her. You already have these plans so why don't you just go with the flow and enjoy it. You may be pleasantly surprised. And if your suspicions turn out to be true, well then you have your answer. But you'll never know unless you go with her. And your friends will be there too so you'll have other people to fall back on should things not work out the way you hoped. I really think you should stop placing so much value on what others think and say and just give this girl a shot. You have an opportunity to go to prom with her, have fun with her and get to know her on a more personal level. So go for it and don't over analyze it too much.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 March 2015):
 I can't speak out of personal experience because we did not have formal prom parties like in USA where I lived, ...but, well, I feel your paranoia is a tad justified.
I mean, this girl is not interested in dating you and she had firmly friendzoned you. Which is Ok, at least she was clear on that. But... she does not even seem really wanting to be your friend, she does not talk to you, she does not want to hang out... It may easily be that you are in her eyes the preppy, nice , well mannered kid that's not too interesting as a person, but just THE perfect date for some formal event ( prom... or a wedding , or such ... ). He will show up in time, kind, attentive, dressed to the nines, won't embarass her / her parents making a drunk spectacle of himself ...Yeah, I guess your doubt is legitimate, you might very well be a functional date, someone who's chosen to accompany her because he fits that particularly event and after he can be sort of disposed of... till next time.
Then again, relax, it's just prom. I mean, you would / should be going anyway, right ? and, you have given up any idea of being romantically involved with her . And if she should dance with other guys,... so what ? Why, is she supposed to JUST dance with the guy who takes her there ? how strange. Anyway, would that be such a big deal ? You could dance with other girls too in the meantime. You do not have to pretend to be a couple,- you are not. You can focus on having a good time and dancing, and laughing and joking with your friends,...and also, showing up with a pretty girl on your arm, who will look good in your pics too. You can make HER a functional date too:).
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A
female
reader, xgisellex +, writes (14 March 2015):
I honestly think she might be using you. It could be that she finds you like a challenge of some sorts, and feels like she has to "party" (or whatever else she usually does with other) with you
But you also should keep in Ming that If she honestly does have guys lining up, there's a chance she might prefer to be with you, meaning she likes you. But if these rumors of her with other guys are true, then check again.
To me, it seems like she's just using you. I think you should find someone else to go to prom with, because I'm pretty sure prom is to enjoy yourself, and it seems like you won't enjoy yourself with this girl as your date. You're right, she might decide to just ditch out on you and dance with other guys, so I think it would be safer to go with a person who you actually want to go with and know you'll enjoy yourself with.
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