A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello Everybody!My problem is: I have been friends with a guy for more than 10 years. We attended the same high school, and the same university for BA and also for the MA studies. We never tough about being more than friends, though we kissed in parties. Now this guy - who was my best friend - fell in love with a girl. When he spent the night with me in home flat his new girlfriend called him up. When he said that he is with me the girlfriend started creating problems, that "why do you have to be with another girl at night?" and asked him to leave me. He did. Now we are not friends anymore. He is not even talking to him. I wanted to call him after that, asking him to meet me, drink something, talk like in the past but now he blocked my calls, deleted and blocked me everywhere. What happened to him? What shall I do? I thought we are best friends, and now that new girl could separate us? And why was that a problem to the girl that I met his boyfriend (WHO IS MY FRIEND)? I dont understand...
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (20 March 2015):
 Sadly, he wasn't enough of a friend to tell you that he decided to accept the boundaries he and his girlfriend agreed upon.....
It would have been polite for him to tell you that the friendship was essentially over, but like many people, he probably just chose what he perceived to be the easier course of simply blocking you.
Of course, his girlfriend could have logged into his accounts and his phone and blocked you herself. Who knows?
If he ever does break up with her and you two talk again, you could tell him he was rude and insensitive, but I would not wait around for that opportunity.
Put him in the 'friends for a season' category and don't spend time trying to figure him out.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 March 2015):
 Are you really so surprised ?...Sorry but I cannot quite believe it.
As other people said, she is not making trouble, she is setting up appropriate boundaries.
You and this guys weren't best friends as in strictly platonic friends. You were friends who would kiss at parties, so a sort of hook up friends ( even if without full sex ). This is not a pure true friendship, this is a Friend with Kissing Benefits:)
Which makes it even more inappropriate for him to spend the night at yours. By now you have a history of yielding to a bit of temptation, maybe just fuelled by drink, by boredom and by close proximity and with your track record ,in fact, I feel any BF should feel spending the night at yours it's a bad idea,without even beinng reminded.
Regardless of that: Yes I know, If there's mutual trust he could sleep everywhere etc.etc., and if a man does not want to cheat he WON'T cheat no matter what the provocation etc.etc.
True; yet it is still a matter of boundaries. Girlfriends have privileges and prerogatives than normal friends do not have. Otherwise what would the difference be , between dating and just hanging out, if a guy wanted and could give to his female friends just the very same " treatment " , doing the same stuff and activities?....
Reason for which, his Gf gets to spend the whole night with him , his female friend does not.
What happened to him, is that you ( or maybe him too ) did not have the common sense , discretion and elegance to take a very natural and necessary litle step back, when he started dating seriously, so you had to be forced to do that. Maybe you have been given hints, and you did not take them, so you had to be read the full riot act.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 March 2015):
 I think his new GF had issues with your friendship because it seemed to lack boundaries.
I have never run around and kissed my male friends at parties. Friend were/are friends. And while me may banter, tease and joke around there was ALWAYS boundaries, SPECIALLY when they had a GF or I had a BF.
Sleeping over might have been appropriate and no big deal when he was single, but given the lack of boundaries I don't really blame her for NOT being OK with it.
He has decided to focus on his relationship WITH her over his friendship WITH you. Which means, you need to back off.
Put yourself in the GF's shoes.
Don't tell me you would think it was GREAT if you BF was sleeping over at his female friend's place when you KNEW that they had messed around before you and he got together.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 March 2015):
 you see her request to not spend the night with you as "creating problems" I see it as setting boundaries.
I would NOT be pleased if my spouse opted to spend the night with girls instead of me.
When you are in a love relationship that has to be your primary concern. Since the woman he loves has asked him to curtail his friendship with you and he made the choice to do so it's clear that his loyalty lies with her.
IF he didn't care about her he would not listen to her...his actions tell you that his concern is HER.
accept that as adults it's time for you two to start branching out and meeting new people and making new friends.
Respect his choice
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (20 March 2015):
 This is an unfortunate situation for you. Your best guy friend chose to pursue and focus on his relationship with his current girlfriend over his friendship with you. He must love this girl a lot and want a future with her, to be willing to temporarily (or maybe not temporarily) give up his friendship with you.
I don't have many words of comfort aside from if you truly care about this best friend, you will want him to be happy. If him being happy means needing to sacrifice your friendship, then give it up for him. I know it sounds messed up but unfortunately, as messed up as it seems, it is actually the right thing for him to do. He has to put his current girlfriend first.
You and I are females, we'd want our boyfriend to treat us the same way, no?
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (20 March 2015):
I do understand how you feel but you should have seen this coming. You can't possibly expect his girl friend to automatically trust your friendship and he should not be doing things that may cause trust issues. Like everyone else, outsiders will have to slowly learn the friendship between the two of you. If you had a boyfriend and he did that same thing to you, I am 100% you would not trust the friendship between him and the girl and you would even think that he has feelings for his friend.
At the end of the day, it is his choice to be your friend or not, after all she is not holding a gun to his head. I am sorry that this has happened. Do not be bitter for his poor choices, move on and except that your friend is doing what he thinks is right.
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A
female
reader, Auntie_C +, writes (20 March 2015):
 There's a difference between being friends speaking hanging out vs having a little history of being more than friends and him sleeping at your place or you at his. You don't do that when you have a significant other regardless of how long you've been with them for. How would you feel if your future boyfriend did that crap to you? Or how would you react if your future bf told you he didn't appreciate you sleeping at a guy friends house? Seriously think about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2015): His girlfriend was RIGHT to insist he cut you off.But you already knew that.You were too close to her boyfriend. She wants to eliminate the threat of you sleeping with him and taking him away from her. She loves him. She did nothing wrong.I would do the same thing.There is no such thing as a close friendship between a man and a woman. Especially when you already crossed the line by kissing at parties. And especially once a girlfriend enters the picture. That would be trouble waiting to happen. Sadly for you, you are the casualty of this new relationship. It does not matter how much history you have with him. You were his friend. She is his girlfriend. Big difference. This is the way it needed to end up.He CHOSE her over YOU. It tells you he LOVES her. His relationship with her is MORE important. And besides, why would you want to keep a friend who is willing to cut all communication with you and pretty much eliminate you from his life completely? What kind of a friend is that anyway? Yes you can see his reasons but still that is not a friend.We lose friends all the time due to different circumstances. You need to move on and find some new friends. This "friendship" has run its course.Sorry but you need to distance yourself. You do not want to try and come between them. You would look very foolish if you did.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2015): His girl has insecurities and he does not want to loose her. Frankly, it is not common to have non-sexual boy-girl friendship so she is also following that track. It basically means that you two are finally growing apart and going your own ways as adults.
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