A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend doesn't want me to come to his sisters sweet sixteen with him.We've been together for 2 years and out of town numerous times. I've met his family and stuff but this would be the first big gathering and he has been super reluctant to answer when I asked him if he wanted me to go with him just so he could say, "It's fine if you don't." I pretty much tried to play it off as, great I don't have to go but I'm actually fairly hurt. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 March 2015):
 Then you have no problem, and you can take it very literally : your bf is just telling you that you have the choice , you have been invited, but, if you do not fancy going it's fine, they won't be offended , your choice.
( Don't you think that if he had actively not wanted you there, or PREFERRED not having you there, he would have said his family " no need to invite my gf, save some cash " ? )
He is not showing a wild enthusiasm at the idea of you being at this party ?.. that may be just an impression of yours, or, quite simply, he knows how tiresome these things can be and wants to spare you the ordeal .
Also, after you have received a formal invitation, asking him if HE wants you to go - ...can be read by him as " I am not that keen on coming, but if YOU want me to come, I'll make the effort " - otherwise, why even bothering asking ?
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (13 March 2015):
I think it is up to his sister so he should ask his sister this question. He might also not be ready to introduce you to the rest of this family, which can be a stressful ordeal in itself. Not entirely sure how close you are with his family in any case, so these are things worth discussing, as I am not aware if he attends your family gatherings or not.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2015): Sorry forgot to add that I was invited by his sister and mom way before the party. Even have a save the date from like two weeks ago.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (13 March 2015):
Actually, technically it's not for you bf to invite you to someone else's party. It's not HIS party, it's his sister's, you should have been invited by the sweet 16 herself- or at most by her parents who, I suppose, are paying for the whole bash.
I understand your bf's unease , though, when you sort of volunteered to join the party, he was obviously reluctant to tell you " No , they haven't explicitely told me, make sure you bring X with you- so you'd better not come "- then he just tried to diplomatically discourage you.
I guess the unspoken question , and what galls you , is : what, this is a big FAMILY gathering... and after 2 years I am not " family " enough, not " official " enough ro be included ?.... "
Well, maybe not. You have been out there a few times, and you have seen the immediate family " and stuff ", but since this is a big gathering just for family members and close friends, I suppose, maybe they feel that you aren't close enough to be authomatically included in the celebration, or they think that you would not be interested in being included,these all family things are quite boring in general to non-family members. Which, has got nothing to do with how serious is your BOYFRIEND about you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 March 2015):
 Instead of LYING and being offended ASK him straight out and TELL him how it makes you feel.
Maybe he isn't looking forward to the party himself and feels he doesn't WANT to drag you too a night of silly partying.
Or he rather you don't come.
Or he hasn't asked if he can invite you. Maybe the guest list is already pretty full. Some S-16 parties are ridiculously expensive.
Either way, BE honest with him. If you WANT to know the truth.
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