A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, i'm here, asking one simple question; why can't i find someone special? there is one girl at my High School, that i'm pretty good friends with, and we share a good amount of things in common. to be honest, the group of friends that i hang around can already kind of see that me and her would be an "interesting" couple, atleast that what my only "mature" friend thinks, and she's supportive of my actions, and the girl i like is everything that i think is perfect in a GF: She's funny, cute, and she...i don't know how to describe her, she's just that perfect in my eyes, and i really hoped that i'd be able to be happy with her for a good while, and i could see me and her hugging in the grass etc. when i was kinda nudged into telling one of my other friends that i had a crush on her, he'd pester me with the idea that he'd tell her that i liked her, and finally he did, and i feel as if it went downhill from there. a few weeks later, i sent her a message on Facebook, which is cowardly, i know, and i didn't get a responce, but instead, my "Friend" who, to defend his privacy, let's call him "Dave" Dave then told me in person that she told him that she "Wasn't into dating at the moment" and i feel as if, maybe if she actually said that, maybe she could have told me herself, even through that facebook message. And to be totally fair, i would've understood, i don't see my self as being attractive, i guess my ego is basically non-existant, so that's probablly why. About two months later, "Dave" then asks me if i still have a crush on her, and i respond with "a little bit, yeah." then "Dave" then brings up the statement about her not wanting to date anyone, and then says she has a boyfriend, of whom i have heard of before, and i just shrug it off, but since then, i've been kinda down in the dumps, almost on the verge of crying. It's obvious that i still have feelings for the girl that i hang around with. My head is crowded with thoughts, and this site has, so far, helped me just clear my head of all of this...
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 March 2015):
 Isn't it a bit drastic at 13 -15 to decide that you CAN'T find a special person ? Give it time, and give yourself time to grow some self confidence, naturally, in time, and to grow some ego in a good sense, like some sense of your self worth in itself, regardless if you date or not, if you are a babe magnet or not :).
As for your current ego, oh yes it is existent, in a " bad " way, in the way that makes you particularly vulnerable to rejection, particularly sensitive to it, as if it were a malicious personal attack to you , some venomous personal criticism, and not.. just a fact of life that happens to everybody. Some people will like us, some will not, we match some people 's criteria for a partner ( as this girl in theory would match yours ) but not all the people's all the time, thar's all. It still SUCKS when you have a big crush on somebody and they don't reciprocate, but it does not mean that you are not good enough, or that you aren't worthy of someone special, just that for a number of reasons ( or, for no reason at all, falling in love is a rather mysterious irrational process ) at that time THAT one wasn't a possible / compatible match.
In time you will also develop the strength and the skill to manage your love business on your own, without being influenced or prevailed upon into doing things - like useing a go-between to decalre your feelings, which, pardon me, but it's sort of childish even at just 13-15, you are not in kindergarten aymore, OWN your actions, if you want to tell a girl you like her, YOU tell her , don't send a representative.
And btw, no she did not owe a personal answer and she did well not to give you one, you contacted her through a go-between.. and this is the way you got your answer back, which was very appropriate to the situation.
As for " I am not into dating " thing... yeah well, she wanted to be polite and PC, and not hurt your feelings .
Very very seldom this kind of affirmations are to be taken literally. " I am not into dating " " I am too busy for a r/ ship " " I am not ready for a r/ ship " 99 % of times means I am not ready , willing, etc.etc. for a relationship WITH YOU. Because I don't like you enough. Of course if someone " special " shows on the radar, they'll jump at the chance, and why should not they. Everybody wants someone special in their life, and everybody has the right to seize the chance if it suddenly shows up.
Of course you are still smarting, it's just two months ! It will fade with time, if you make an effort to NOT obsess over this particular girl, to distract yourself , rather than indulging into lovelorn brooding thoughts when they pop up, - and in case you want to back off a bit from this friendship, or from hanging out much with this girl, that's wise , understandable and normal.
It will pass, trust me. Maybe sooner than you think, you'll be ready to restart your love quest into other directions. Only, nexr time leave Dave, or any other well meaning friends, out of your own busiess ! :)
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 March 2015):
 She is a chicken, but a "polite" chicken. She should have been honest with you and told you:" I don't SEE you that way. I am NOT into you in other ways then as friends."
She chose to have a go-between tell you she wasn't into dating instead. Why did she do that? BECAUSE she didn't want to HURT your feelings. And she didn't WANT to embarrass you by telling you directly.
GIRLS are taught to be NICE and GOOD to others. So hurting someone else feeling is not something WE like to do. (at any age).
This isn't about you. I know it feels that way. But JUST BECAUSE you like a girl doesn't mean SHE will like you back the same way. She doesn't OWE you anything. YOU don't OWE her anything.
And now you know. She doesn't return your crush. She likes SOMEONE else. It happens. It sucks. We have ALL been there. Having a crush on someone and them not feeling the same way. Fact of life. So, WHAT you need to do is LET go of the crush. Let that poor girl come down from that "perfect pedestal" - because while you MAY have thought she was perfect for you, she obviously ISN'T. Doesn't mean you need to start being mean to her or anything. This is a learning experience, ONE that sucks.
There will be other girls.
And maybe NEXT time you fall for a girl you will ASK her out (not over FB) but in person. I bet you if you do that, even if she turns you down, she won't be telling you some cockamamie story about not wanting to date.
It will be OK.
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