A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 27 and still a virgin. I feel so old being one at this age and I'm wondering if guys will even want to give me a chance since there are plenty of experienced women for them to pick from. So, first things first. My virginity doesn't mean much to me; I'm not holding out for religious reasons, nor am I searching for mr perfect to lose it to. I'd just like him not to be an asshole.So how did I manage to stay a virgin this long? Well, these 3 things contributed: #1. I come from a...eventful household that I basically ran on my own since I was 12, because I was the only healthy and not disabled member of the family. Didn't leave much time for dating. Took care of everything through uni too, until after I graduated. I told my parents I wanted to live my life too, arranged all the help they need and now I have my own place and a job. #2. I was bullied extensively in elementary school and highschool, so by the time I was 18 my self esteem was completely destroyed. Combine that with the 'tough it out, don't complain attitude' I was raised with and it took me a loooong time to deal with the damage. Right now I'm finally at a point where I feel content with who I am and how I look, the latter of which was a huge thing because I was always told I was ugly by my peers. #3. I had a microperforate hymen. A what? Well, it means my hymen basically covered the entire vaginal opening save for one tiny hole to let the blood through from my period. I could not insert a tampon, nor a finger and just trying hurt so, so much. It was like hitting a wall. A very sensitive one. My mom told me not to be a sissy and get over the pain, so I figured it was just me being a crybaby, but it did prevent me from seeking out sex. After all, if one finger didn't fit, how could a penis? In september I decided to get over my fears and went to a obgyn to get things checked out and she saw the problem immediately. Got surgery and well..should have done that ten years ago. So in short, the pain problem is sorted out, and most of my baggage and self esteem issues have been dealt with. I ironically even got spotted by an agent to model, and got signed to an agency that has the max age set at 22 for new models. I don't book many jobs, and though some voice in my head will always insist I'm ugly, it helps to see that some people who aren't my friends or family disagree with the bullies as well.Anyway, I have my own home, I have a job, I'm not looking to settle down just yet, but I'm just very rusty in the dating game. And y'know, a virgin. I don't want to scare people off but I also don't know how to go about it. So guys, would you be open to dating a woman like me? And if not, please be honest about why. I can handle honesty, in fact, that's exactly what I need right now. Did I miss the boat?
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bullied, disabled, hymen, period, self esteem, still a virgin, tampon, vagina Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2015): i'm 27 and never had a girlfriend, still a virgin, i'm surprised to hear about this, because usually whenever you hear of a person being 25+ years of age that has never been in a relationship with the opposite sex, still a virgin, I hear of more guys over the age of 25 than I hear of girls over the age of 25 that are inexperienced, or maybe guys are just vocal about it more.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for taking the time to reply. I didn't expect so many positive answers! I feel a lot better now. I guess a lot of this anxiety is mostly in my head and I have nothing to be ashamed of. I will not bring up the issue during dates until I need to.
To the anonymous male virgins: of course I would not have a problem with your virginity! Not only would that be hypocritical of me but it would be a double standard. After all, why should it be okay for women to be virgins in their late twenties but not men? It would probably be more convenient to date a virgin, because then there's no pressure on either of us to look like we know what we're doing. But unless I happen to encounter a fellow virgin, I will hold onto Honeypie's "being inexperienced doesn't have to mean being bad in bed" comment.
Thanks again everyone, you've been a great help.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2015): I would have no problem dating a 27 year old virgin. Though I'm not a virgin, I'm not very sexually experienced myself. I would much rather learn with someone like you describe yourself to be than a woman that expects me to know everything.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (10 March 2015):
 As I just explain to someone on this site...What would you rather have...A new car, untouched, never driven...or a used car with several owners???You not are old...you are smart to wait, and wise to wait. Your virginity does not have an expiry date...Lose it before this time or else.Look around and see how many people are having trouble with sex because they did it with the wrong guy, wrong time, wrong reason, and so on. Why be a follower when you can be a leader.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (10 March 2015):
It's fine.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2015): In my eyes it is a great positive thing and would make you even more of a catch.
I feel for blokes finding a girl who is a virgin would be something great for them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2015): The prejudice against adult virgins is one-sided. It's a problem for men, not women. Once you are over the age of 15-20 and past the stage of boys frantically trying to get laid, virginity starts becoming more of an asset than a drawback.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 March 2015):
 Virgin only means NO sexual experience. It's not a defect, it's not a halo. And it's NOT all that you are.
To be sexually inexperienced at 27 is not the norm perhaps, but for YOU it has made sense. You simply haven't had the time or met a guy you were willing to get some experience with. I don't see anything "wrong" in that.
Not wanting to just "bang it out", but wait for someone decent to have your first experiences with makes sense too.
I would not really worry about it, to be honest. And I wouldn't DISCLOSE that tidbit till you have dated a guy long enough for YOU to feel comfortable for sex. It's NOT one of those vital information that you NEED to state up front.
Telling a potential BF that you haven't HAD sexual relationships can wait till you feel you can trust him. Your "sexual" status is not important.
You are 27, so I will PRESUME you know what sex entails. What pieces goes where. Which means there is NO absolute certainty that you can't make SEX work and be good. Being inexperienced doesn't MEAN bad in bed.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 March 2015):
 Not at all.
Regardless of any other consideration, you have THE perfect reason for having stayed a virgin longer than usual, if anybody should wonder / marvel at / be surprised ( ..assuming it were any of their business ).
A physical problem made you think that penetration was going to be excruciatingly painful. Once assessed the problem, and confirmed that your fears were justified- you took care of the problem , and voila, you are ready to go :)- once you find someone that you like . What could be more sensible and normal than that.
You do not even need to mention all the psychological aspects which held you back, the bullying, the negative self image, the lack of self esteem etc. Not that those have to be kept a secret, just that they are sensitive, delicate, personal issues that are best shared with someone you trust and feel comfortable with, I really don't feel they make good conversation material for a first or second date, or if the issue of your " late " virginity comes up in a casual context.
I think that if you HAVE to justify your virginity ( which technically you don't, then again, let's be honest , a 27 y.o. virgin for non-religious reasons is bound to raise some curiosity ) well, you have a perfectly logical - and truthful- explanation.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2015): If you look good, are nice then being virgin would make you a highly prized catch, marriage material.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (10 March 2015):
 in my book yes , i would have no problem dating a 27 year old virgin. to me its a plus, and should be. it says a lot about who you are, your character. a guy should feel honored to be with you !
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2015): I would since I'm one myself at 26 (your story sounds similar to mine...minus the hymen problem). Basically, life wasn't all sunshine & rainbows growing up like it was for many others, what with family problems & health issues...add in to the mix that I really focused in on my studies while in high school & university (in hopes for a better future one day), worked part-time throughout and I wasn't exactly snapping necks when I walked by = sexless life. After a few years of improving myself physically and getting some stability, I had some attention thrown my way, but things never really worked out (if you think being a female virgin in your mid-to-late 20s is hard, try being a male version) and here I am, like you.
I will say we've both sort of missed the boat for "fun", but for you, it'll be a lot easier to manage, especially if you are as attractive as you say. I wouldn't go around advertising your virginity as it'll attract a lot of creepy men, but if you meet someone you legitimately like, down-the-line, before anything happens, you might want to explain the situation. Most guys with their heads on straight don't really care or judge, especially if it's not because of religious reasons (I've never been around guys & had the issue come up when discussing women with them). That being said, if you're looking into the whole 'one-night-stand' type of guys in bars & clubs, they'll likely be judgemental.
All-in-all, a fellow virgin would be safe bet as you both could grow sexually with one another as your relationship grows & explore things, but most guys our age are taught - by friends, family & society - to lie about their sexual inexperience since being the 'male virgin' is like kryptonite to women.
I guess the bigger question in all of this is, would you be open to dating a male virgin?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2015): I am younger than you but also a virgin, and would have no problem dating you if you didnt find MY virginity a problem. You did not miss the boat. In your case I would not bring up your virginity(its not really a good conversation opener) until you have dated someone and decided they are the one you want to lose it to. Otherwise your virginity may attract guys who hunt for girls virginities(the weirdest type of player).
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