A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I joined eharmony. I was talking back and forth with this guy and we seemed really compatible, he even said so. He asked me out to a coffee date and I said yes, which was yesterday. I was really exited because he seemed attractive and we had so much in common. However, I was so nervous for it I couldn't pick what to wear and was running late. We had planned to meet at 7, which he politely confirmed around 5 which I agreed. At 6:27 I let him know I was running late and asked to meet at 7:30. He didn't respond until 6:50 saying he had just parked but it was fine and no rush. I felt awful! Anyway, I got there around 7:15. It seemed to go well at first, we had a lot to talk about. However, I noticed about halfway that he seems to be less interested and the conversation wasn't really flowing anymore. He made a joke several times about how I talk about work so much (I'm a counsellor, I know I should know this stuff) but he had asked me a lot of questions about work. Anyway, after the date I texted him "I had fun tonight! I'm so sorry I was late, I'm not usually. Hopefully you'll let me make it up to you " to which he responded "No worries and thanks for meeting me for coffee. It was great meeting you but I'm not sure we have all that much in common." I was blown away since on eharmony our "questions and answers" had been so compatible, he even shared an interest in psych. Anyway, I replied "I'm sorry to hear that. Was there something in particular I said?" Which my friends said was not something I should have asked. He said "No not at all, but I wish you all the best." and I said you too. I'm just so confused. Did I say something inappropriate? Was it because I was late? I have never had someone "dump" me after a first date so I don't know what to think, usually it's been the opposite so I was surprised and disappointed. I'm not sure why I'm struggling so much with this! I'm not sure if it's the feeling of loss of potential, a bruised ego, or just dissapointment in myself for not being prepared. Maybe it's all three. I'm just disappointed because I had been looking forward to this date and I feel like I messed it up. But perhaps it was just a compatibility issue?
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male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (13 March 2015):
 You did nothing wrong, he just didn't fancy you, that's all.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2015): Dont apologize in a future too much. 15 minutes is nothing, and no guy if he liked you would reject you because of this.
What you feel is pains of rejection. It happens with everyone. Without exclusion. There is such thing as chemistry, and if it's not there , then it's not there. Once I went on a couple dates with one guy who seemed perfect. he had the best manners, perfect teeth, good lokingwith great body. Dressed well. But I felt nothing for him. There were few things that he said, that I found to be bigamist, and for mits a definite deal breaker.
He probably also couldn't understand what happened.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 March 2015):
 Nope.. he is a class act to be honest.
he sounds like he's seriously looking for someone and when he met you IRL that "chemistry" we feel with someone was NOT there for him.
It's NOT really about YOU. YOU did nothing wrong at all.
just go "next" and keep trying.
to me it sounds like a perfect meet and greet.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 March 2015):
 .... Maybe the guys you dumped after a first date were surprised and disappointed too :).
No, I am not saying it's karma in action and your past dumped dates jinxed you - just that, hey , it happens ! You can't please them ALL. There may be compatibility on paper, but it may be a fiasco in person . This guy may not have found you attractive enough or interesting enough or compatible enough to pursue you ; tastes are tastes and are rather unaccountable.
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A
female
reader, Pixiebreath76 +, writes (13 March 2015):
 I've been in your place before, many times. But I think it was good that he was up front and honest with you instead of playing games and stringing you along. I have so much more respect for a man who openly admits that he isn't interested. Keep trying, not all of them will be duds :-)
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (13 March 2015):
I suppose some women are not used to being rejected but he didn't like you, plain and simple. Just move on and keep at it, this is how dating usually works. I am sure he was being upfront and blunt so don't waste your time questioning yourself.
All the best!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 March 2015):
 Nope this isn't about YOU not being good enough, or saying the wrong stuff, THIS is about him just not feeling an attraction or wish to get to know you better.
Don't give up because the first one was a dud.
Some people expect a "online match" to be perfect, because it SEEMS so on paper, doesn't mean it is in reality.
TRY again.
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