A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:There is something going on my head that is making me want to contact this bloke I knew from School years.We were really young when we first met, both went to the same pre-school, then kindergarten, etc, pretty much stayed together all the way through till about 13 onwards.Then we never really saw each other or spoke, only in very brief passing.Our 2 mums are best friends but don't socialise with him. Have moved about 30 mins away from them, so never see him and he lives a little way from his Mum now.We were always round each other's houses when we were young and most of the time together on school but nothing since.We have lead quite opposite lives but a couple of times I have caught up with him in passing for about 5 mins.Hi is pretty much all we say though.Thing is the couple of times that I have briefly seem him something in my head is thinking I want to get to know him again, am I mad, I keep thinking about him?I added him on the social media sites and he accepted but I don't see anything from his side of thingsWe haven't spent time together so it is not like I have grown a fondness for him.I am all in a muddle at the moment?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2015): Appreciation to mfj and cindy, both useful and helpful advice that I can work from, I don't think anything or really has anything more serious in my mind at the moment than it would be nice to be mates again and you never know might lead on from there. Then again might be a complete waste of time, as mfj says I might not like the person that is around now, I don't particularly have memories of how they use to be as child hood is a lot different to adult hood and don't see having fun in a playground now, bit old for that, but if it is a flop then hey at least I can say I tried. Worth giving a go. Cheers.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 April 2015):
 Like Fatherly Advice, I had the feeling too that you had posted before - but often different posters have the same problems, so I'll tell you the same I told the other OP :
- there's not much to be in a muddle about, the line of action that's open to you is clear. YOU are the one who would like to reconnect, so YOU are also the one who should take the first step.
Send him a quick " hello , how are you, that's a bit out of the left field, but for some reason I was thinking of our childhood good times and I'd love to have a brief catch up in front of a cup of coffee : let me know if you think we can do that one of these days." ( Or something similar ).
I don't see what's the harm in that, as long as you realize that it's a long shot. If people have managed to stay happily out of your life for the last 20 years, chances are that they can do the same for the NEXT 20.
Yet, they may be curious, or flattered, or welcoming a distraction , or just having been too busy to think of that first, or responding out of courtesy, or... for whatever reason, they may accept.
As long as you don't take it too personally and too badly if he is not interested, and realize without bitterness that time and distance can take a big toll on the best of friendships,- what have you got to lose . If he says yes, you rekindle - if he says no, or blows you off, at least you know where you stand, and this takes you out of your muddle.
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A
male
reader, mfj78  +, writes (19 April 2015):
Hello
I do think what your experiencing is very common: when we get to our 30s life can suddenly seem a bit empty at times or disappointing. There can often be a sense of "is this it?" after the big plans and dreams we had in our early twenties.
Friends pass on or move away or drift apart from us, those close to us have more responsibilities and less time for fun and relaxation and our heads are full of stress and worry...
During these times quite often we subconsciously long for simpler times when playground squabbles were all we had to worry about and the people who we liked at a simpler, easier time in our lives spring to mind as a kind of comfort.
In Feb 1998 I worked briefly in an office and met a woman called Lynn. She was nice, quiet, pleasant and seemed really nice, although I didn't know her well and she may well of been very different in private. I used to bump into her for a while after I left the job on a regular basis but that fizzled out many years ago.
When someone lets me down, hurts me or shows a bad trait towards me I often think of Lynn and wish I had asked her out or just wish I could go back to chatting to her in the street like we used to. I haven't seen her for 15 years...! I don't obsess or long for her, its just an occasional thing.
Im sure she was far from perfect but I guess subconiously when im hurt by someone or stressed I sort of regress in my imagination to a time when I was younger, happier and had a crush on a nice person who leaves me only with very nice, positive memories.
Its a way of taking us back to an easier time in our lives when our friendships and relationship were a damn sight easier than they become as fully blown adults.
But its important to bear in mind that, in my case, Lynn who was a pretty, slim, pleasant women in her twenties at thee time is now close to forty and certainly very different to the person she was back then.
The guy you knew wont be either so I would leave it ;-) Really he is a stranger to you as Lynn now is to me.
Mark
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2015): Huh??
Sorry I don't understand I haven't posted this message before?
I am asking advice, is this not what this site is all about.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (16 April 2015):
 You are a bit crazy to keep posting the same question over and over to us, when you are unable to pluck up enough courage to ask him a question. I suspect that he will always be a mystery to you. Just a fill in fantasy, for the real life you deny yourself.
FA
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