A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I can't seem to make any friends because I'm single with no kids. Everyone views me as desperate or needy and stay far away from me as possible. Even when I don't announce my relationship status I still get the lonely and desperate tag. At work, a lot of my colleagues refuse to work with me because of my single status (especially married men). I'm pretty much a social reject. what do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Keeley345  +, writes (23 April 2015):
You are best off without these people. Rejecting you because you're single and judging you! That's awful AND discrimination!Being single is not a bad thing. For goodness sake hun, you're young and should be out the embracing your freedom. I'm single and some married or committed people I know are jealous of my single status. Why? Because I am free as a bird, I come and go as I like, don't have to change nappies etc To them my life is glamourous. I have no baggage so to speak. Some other people though are happy in their relationships. And good for them! But each to their own. I'd avoid these weirdos you're talking about because their opinions and feelings towards your relationship status (that's all it is...a status) is a joke! How does being single make you a bad person? OMG! These people are crazy! On the other hand they could be threatened by you. A hot single girl (YOU) hanging around could attract their husbands Blah Blah Blah. Either way hold your head high and embrace your single status. There's nothing to be ashamed of!Unless you're making their hubbies hot under the collar...lol Then I get why you being single might be a concern.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2015): There are lots of single childless people out there. Just have a look for a social group where they all go out together, or join a class.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (18 April 2015):
 I'm curious where you live because I'm sincerely baffled by your post. I'm single and childless at the age of 31 and absolutely NO ONE has treated me as a social outcast because of it. In fact, I'm quite thrilled with my single and childless status, and my friends couldn't care less. I find it hard to understand how or why anyone, especially with your young age range, would treat you like an outcast for that. Is it possible it's something you're saying or doing that's putting people off? Is it possible you just feel as though there is something wrong with you, so you start acting different? Or behave like a Debbie Downer because you're insecure? Lol. I'm just curious, because this one really stumps me.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 April 2015):
 Well, obviously you have be cautious, or, better say accurate or inequivocable , with your verbiage, if you want to befriend a married man ! There aren't many close friendships single girl / married man around,it's unusual - and not because it is forbidden or evil per se for a single woman to be friend with a married guy, it's just that in practice a married guy will spend his free time with his wife and kids, or with other couples, so there's really not much point at all in befriending a married guy, unless you are also a good friend of his wife. Single girls know that perfectly, so they seldom pursue friendships with married guys , and if they do, generally it turns out that what they call " friends " is in fact an attraction , or an emotional affair.
I suppose that may cramp the style of some very affectionate, extrovert, uberfriendly single girl with innocent intentions- anyway , it is what it is and it's better taking it into account when dealing with married men in the workplace - or anywhere.
As long as being the only 20something single woman in a world of 20something married-with-children- I don't know , this is a kind of reality very difficult for me to picture, here it's the opposite, it would be the young mom to be a rara exception , and finding herself at a disadvanrage socially. But, then again, and with my apologies ro all the young moms / wives- why would you even bother with them ? They'd probably talk mostly about diapers and baby foods, you would not have much in common. and you'd get bored. You need singles your age to hang out with, if you don't know any you could join some singles only group which organizes single parties, single dinners, singles excursions. It should not be that difficult to find some in your area, by now even churches organize "singles only" socials ! Or, check Meetup , they are literally everywhere, and see what groups they have for sigles, or single women only if you are looking for female friends, in your area.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 April 2015):
 If you are putting out negative vibes like desperation or loneliness or bitterness, then people will tend to avoid you.
I'd go back to the basics. An old book, but a classic: How To Win Friends and Influence People. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People
Work on your self-esteem. Here's another oldie but goodie: http://www.toastmasters.org
Work on "stinking thinking" here: https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
Daily tasks for building happiness in your life: http://www.happify.com
And obviously, you aren't going to build your social network at your workplace, as you feel excluded. So be polite and work well with people you work with, but don't expect them to become your new BFFs.
Look to your passions and your hobbies and your interests for groups of like-minded, single people like yourself as potential places to find new friends.
You'll have to alter with your negative attitude first, as that will repel most people right off the bat.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 April 2015):
 I didn't have kids till I was 30. I NEVER had any problems in the work place, with making friends (male AND female) or with having people refuse to work with me. Though of course the work climate HAS changed since then, and I'm sure there ARE men out there who aren't keen on befriending a single lady at work, specially if they have a wife/kids at home.
And IF you come across as desperate and needy? Yeah, I can see why they aren't interested.
I'm sorry to say, I do NOT think it's your single status that is keeping them away.
If they do NOT want to BE your friend, then DO NOT push it. YOU are at work to WORK, not to socialize and pal around.
I'd say find an evening or week-end class for your hobby and met people that way instead. Because THEY are there to BOTH socialize AND enjoy a hobby.
Maybe work on your social skills?
http://www.succeedsocially.com/
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen my colleagues learned of my single status, they kept making comments like "you better hurry up and get married before it's too late". I had another refer to me as "manless"In my environment, it's incredibly rare for a woman in her 20s to be single AND childless. People view me as strange"Also, I don't get the part about married men. Why would they feel uncomfortable with your single status? They're married. Are you maybe flirting with them or are you a tactile person (which is something not everyone appreciates.)"No, I'm not flirting with married men however I have to be very careful with my verbiage or else they will easily presume I'm flirting with them. Or people will think we're having an affair.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (17 April 2015):
I've never heard of anyone being rejected in a social setting because of being single. I can't think of a reason why that would even come up to be honest. Do you live in a neighborhood where only young married people with kids live? Are all your colleagues parents? Even then, it's not like you need to be a card carrying member of the club before you get upgraded to friend potential.
I've only had a few relationships and I tend to stay single for a long time in between. This has never hampered my ability to make friends, because it honestly doesn't matter.
If you fear you might become across as too desperate, you might be right. Just loosen up. I used to be very eager to make friends in high school and it was like I had a sign with "PLEASE LIKE ME" hanging above my head. That kind of insecurity is unattractive and exhausting for others, so they chose to ignore me or politely let me down.
So just do your job and don't go out of your way to be friendly with your colleagues. Ask them stuff like how their day is, but don't linger too much. If you come across as nice and stable, people will like to spend time with you. If you come across as clingy, people think you're a chore and they've got enough of those as it is.
Also, I don't get the part about married men. Why would they feel uncomfortable with your single status? They're married. Are you maybe flirting with them or are you a tactile person (which is something not everyone appreciates.)
I'm mostly guessing here though, so please elaborate on how you interact with the people who, according to you, view you as desperate and needy.
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