A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I know things could be a lot worse but my 'problem' is that my sister is constantly on Facebook. And it irks me. I don't why. She posts pictures and updates about once an hour. She is 35 years old and has three kids (2 step kids) and is pregnant for the second time. She has a beautiful house, a great husband, and a lovely family. And between pregnancies she has been a successful career woman. She never used to be this way, she used to think social network sites are lame. And used to rag on me when I would use myspace back when I was in college. (I got over the social network thing once I got in my 30's). She used to be more sarcastic and jocular about social networking. And now she takes it so seriously. One of the reasons I got over the social network thing is because to me it was a platform to goof around with my friends, be witty and silly and even be inappropriate. But now it's like a family thing to show off your family, catch up with your grandma. And I love my family but just like I don't want to take them out to a single's party with me and my friends on a Saturday night, I don't want to keep in touch with them via a social network. To me the appeal of it is that it used to be a personal friends only type of thing to just be myself without censure. So I don't even participate in it anymore.And my sister totally is obsessed with it. She is part of this new wave of family oriented social networkers. She is constantly posting pics of my nieces and nephew. I feel they are too young, therefore she can't get their consent. I just find it wrong. She posts pics of my niece on her potty training toilet. Or she'll post something ridiculous like, 'my toilet broke, anybody know any good plumbers?' No sarcasm, or irony, she is totally serious. And I don't understand why she can't keep certain things to herself and in her close circle. She knows very well she could just google a plumber or call a friend for a suggestion, without having to run it by facebook first. She knows what EVERYBODY and their cousin is up to on facebook. Her obsession annoys me so much cause even though I have tons of facebook friends, all I would see on my newsfeed were her hourly posts. So I deactivated my account. What the heck is up with this? Anybody have any idea?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 April 2015):
 Facebook was the arena of college students at first... then us old folks figured it out and took over.
I have one friend that posts women's history every day. I post a lot of stuff concerning my recovery and my husband's recovery.
My 28 yr old son is never on facebook any more... most of my friends are grandmas or older like me.
My husband has no FB page so his friends that want him contact me... it's a networking site and we use it as we see fit.
for some reason her choice irks you but it's her choice and she's not forcing it down your throat. You can't control her or change her, if her home and children are not being neglected, then I see no problem with it. You just view it differently.
do you both like exactly the same music, television and food?
or do you have different tastes and needs?
I sense that you don't want to understand why she does this so much as have some say and control over it... but why?
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 April 2015):
 Just change your settings so she's not in your newsfeed. Easy to do.'You can then just pop in to her profile once or twice a week if you feel the need.
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A
female
reader, peteloevely  +, writes (14 April 2015):
 this could be a simple case of, this is the only time your sister gets to ''speak'' with adults. From what you have written it does sound like your sister probably spends a lot of time taking care of children, listening to them, giving them time, attention, energy, doing what they like entertaining them, watching whatever movies they want to watch and of course house chores.so i am pretty sure she misses adult company and interaction and this is the closest thing she has to so she will use any subject to spark a conversation, as far as posting about the children, well what else does she do during the day, she is raising educating children so that will naturally be the main subject she would chose her most biggest highlight and most proudest accomplishment.however i do understand this is worrying. All you can do is warn her of the danger of adding strangers who could be targeting her , so tell her do not add strangers, do not post location , do not update people about future activities, do not post about where your children are going or where do they typically spend time, what school they go to or parks they like playing at.if she is to post anything tell her to post it after the fact, example @ went to a birthday party @ but never before.other than that, let her have her little fun.she deserves it. and maybe make her day with a comment that seems like you are interested engage her in brief and casual conversations.
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A
female
reader, Questing for Love +, writes (14 April 2015):
 To be honest, I don't see what's wrong here. Obviously your sister likes using Facebook. Is that really so bad? You can unfriend her and you won't see any of her posts. I don't think she would be that upset if you tell her it's just because her feed spams yours a bit. I honestly do the same thing. Maybe not to the extent of posting pictures and asking for advice, but I do update my status quite frequently in a day. But I do this for myself because I don't socialize and I feel like online I can say what's on my mind because people just read it as text. I don't have to feel the awkwardness of what it might sound like if I were saying it in real life. Basically I have the freedom to share my thoughts and people can read it or scroll past it if they want and there's no feeling of judgement. Pathetic? Yes. Affecting others? No.True some people like trying to receive comments/likes, others like myself who aren't the best at socializing in real life find it easier to socialize online. CindyCares actually hit it spot on with the fact that a lot of people use it because they feel lonely or bored and Facebook is absolutely a way to pass the time. That's how I see it anyway. I understand how it can be annoying to see posts constantly, but if it makes her happy, is it really a problem? I would understand if she were taking pictures of your children and posting them without your consent, but if they're her children...well you can't really make her decisions for her as they are HER children. If you deactivated your account then it really shouldn't be a problem at all, from what you said, you don't really like social networking sites anyway, so why even have one? Live your life the way you want to and let your sister live her life the way she wants to. You obviously do not really have a need for Facebook and will probably be happier without one. OR, if you want to keep Facebook, like I said unfriend her and simply tell her it's nothing personal, she just spams your feed. (But to be honest, some people don't even realize they've been unfriended, so she may not even notice. Unless she says something, I would just unfriend her and not say a word about it.)
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (14 April 2015):
 It's up to your sister how she wants to use Facebook. It does sound obsessive, but as long as it doesn't affect you what's the problem?
You can change your account settings so she won't appear on your newsfeed even though you're friends. Then you can carry on using Facebook without being bombarded by her posts all the time.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 April 2015):
 The fact that I do not have a Facebook account or Twitter account says a lot about how I feel about social networks. I do use Whatsapp and I find it both very useful... and a bit annoying too. I really can't be accused of being biased toward social networks :).
Said that, I think a more interesting question would be : WHY are you irked or bothered by tiyr sister's behaviour ? why don't you show more tolerance ?
Half of the world can't even begin to understand the other half's pleasures.
Why does not everybody listen to Mozart Piano Concert No. 9 , rather than to gangsta rap ? Isn't it obvious that Mozart is better ? :)... Why lots of people play soccer rather than tennis or golf ?... Why some people greatly prefer dogs to cats , or viceversa ?....
My answer is lame, probably, but I do not have a better one : your sister uses Facebook in her way, and not in yours, because she is a different person from you with different tastes, preferences and inclinations.
As a matter of fact, tbh, personally I find that using FB to stay in touch with relatives makes more sense than , for instance, one of the prevalent ways this nerwork it is used : to go retrieving from the past people without which you have happily lived the last 10 or 20 years of your life ! But,different strokes for different people .
If you honestly believe that your sister is developing a compulsion, and OCD-like behaviour about Facebook, who knows, it may be that she feels a bit lonely, and bored , and isolated now that she is a pregnant stay at home mom and not a career woman anymore, and Facebook is an easy, convenient and inexpensive way to pass the time for someone in her situation. So maybe you could go keep her company, try to distract her, invite her out more often for a walk or a shopping spree or a visist to the museum or whatever... you could try to supply part of what's missing ( entertainment, adult companionship ? ) . But other than that , to each one its own Facebook :).
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 April 2015):
 You have ONE view of Facebook, she has another.
Some people feel they NEED the constant validation of others, some don't. My guess is your sister is in the first group.
I have family members (on hubby's side) who posts when the hamster farts like it is world news. I have a niece who (according to her FB) is in the running for World's best mom (even though she lost custody of her kids, got knocked up with a guy she got engaged to for 30 days - to make her ex jealous, has no job, no home (living on a couch).... YET everything on her FACEBOOK seems like it's peachy-keen.
I think for her it's about image and fantasy. She prefers her Facebook fantasy over reality ( let's face it, who wouldn't?)
You can hide your feed from people to lessen annoyance.
But THIS is something your SISTER is enjoying, whether it's healthy or not? That is up to her, and if her husband doesn't have a problem with the pictures posted there isn't anything you can do.
I DO agree that it seems like people forget simple things as manners when on FB, but I think that is society as a whole. Everyone wants to think they are the center of the Universe.
Let her live her life as SHE sees fit.
Just stay of her Facebook, or fix your settings and you won't be (as) annoyed.
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