A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, ive been asking myself this question and i dont seem to get an answer. Why do married people cheat most. Why cant a person get out of a relationship than to stay when they are unhappy, than to sleep around with whoever thet meet? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 April 2015):
 Cheating is not a motivation but rather a temptation you can't deny. It's not like one is going to say, "today is a new day and I am getting some new thrills, whoever that is." It's rather like, a situation came up, you had one too many drinks then one thing let to another. Obviously people who cheat aren't thinking about their marriages, or at least they were too preoccupied with that moment and there's not enough blood in the brain to think things through. How many people you know, would call their wives/husbands and say, "Things are getting heated with this person, so we will get a divorce. Get your lawyer and make this as drama free as possible. Now get off the line, she/he's waiting." If this was actually said, that kills the mood because the cheater does not want to think about the reality, and their spouse, neither does the other one.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 April 2015):
 I'll start from your 2nd question : why don't cheaters just get out of their r/ships rather than sleeping around ?
Because staying is easier. In the case of married people, a divorce is very FINAL, and ut comes with a high price to pay, and only in financial matters ( Although, this may be a big concern too ). Breaking up a marriage often also means breaking up a whole system of life. You don't get to see your kids every day, and these kids may resent you , turn against you or distance themselves emotionally. You have to move out , to relocate. You displease in laws with you may have got attached to ,in time. You lose friends, because they take openly sides, or they feel they should, and feel awkward when you are around. You have to give up traditions, habits, conveniences, securities. You have to start anew, in a different home , offerent with a different income, and make yourself a whole new life.
It may feel like a BIG price to pay for what may be just a small or medium insatisfaction, - or even just a moment of boredom, or a fleeting curiosity.
So, if they can, it makes more sense to try keeping their cake and eating it too. Then , if the affair goes bust , or results less intriguing than hoped... they can just go back to normal without making waves.
Which leads to the 1st question :
" happy " and " unhappy "... this is very black or white; life isn't so either/ or , in general. I think that if somebody is DESPERATELY unhappy in a relationship, - most of the times ,they will get out of it independently from cheating ; the appearal of a lover or potential lover on the scene may be a coincidence : a catalyst, or the last push, to terminate officially something that they wanted to end anyway.
But often situations are more nuanced. Husbands do not love their wives as they used to ( and viceversa ),bur neither they HATE them or want to see them suffer. One can feel the marriage has become routine, stale, boring ; sex has lost its magic , or there have been communication problems, or recurring fights over some specific issues , or , simply, people have grown and evolved in time in two different directions. All this makes a marriage not gratifying enough, not fulfilling- but seldom makes it the sheer hell that one is willing to leave first thing tomorrow, today ! in fact. So lazy or self centered people prefer to expand their options discreetly, than to put in the sincere effort and hard work which would take to fix what went broken.
I hope it's clear this is not a justification or a defence of cheaters . Cheaters should not cheat, period. They should do what you say, either stay ( and try to fix what does not work ) or leave , without ifs and buts.
Yet, ifs and buts are a big part of life- and people seldom do all they SHOULD. Ergo, the preference for an easy ( and probably temporary ) way out.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (21 April 2015):
 Most people cheat when they feel they are not getting what they want from their partner...Love, attention, affection, sex, respect, kindness, and so on.They normally stay with their partner because they really do love them, and really wish they could get from their partner what they are getting from the person they are cheating with.The other woman or man is simply filling the need of the husband or wife that they are not getting at home.Cheating happens most when one or both partners becomes lazy in their relationship. They stop doing the things that made them fall in love with each other in the first place. They allow the world and all that is in it to come before love for each other. Sex is one of those things...GREED. More sex....more and more.Once that greed is in place, they become blind to their own foolish ways, and the need to have what they want, becomes too strong to ignore. If they are not getting it at home because everything else is getting in the way, then the thought of finding it some places else sets in.Although that is a typical way for husband and wife to cheat...some people are simply to greedy to have just one partner. They will cheat no matter what. They are never satisfied with what they have, and nothing makes them more happy than when they are getting as much as they can.I am not saying it is right...But nothing happens just because. There is a reason for everything. They best way to stay married, is to fix your own problems, not your partner's.If you find yourself saying "I am not the problem, it's him," then you can see how marriages fall apart...and that statement goes both ways.
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