A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So.. this is not the first time I've had things to think about and been confused about this okay. We met in middle school and I've liked him ever since on and off. He has liked me too.. We were friends but not that close in school. When we got older things started to happen.. We went to different high schools, so we didn't see each other that often. But every time we did, we either kissed or couldn't stay away from each other. Sometimes it was just small things like him kissing my cheeks and saying he missed me, or texting about meeting up.. I then got a boyfriend and as stupid as I was I met this other guy by accident and we ended up kissing... It felt perfect. But it was at a festival and got lost from each other. I broke up with my boyfriend after that but we got back together. In the beginning I couldn't stop thinking about this guy but then as time went on with no contact I forgot... We then met at another party a few months later and just spent the whole night talking and dancing. We have this weird connection ever since we were younger but none of us really does anything about it. Now we are both done with high school and I broke up with my ex a few months ago. Again I met him when I was out at a bar with my friends. We started talking and spent the whole night together and danced, kissed and so on. It was just so good.. He asked me if I wanted to come home with him but I said no because it would mean more to me than just that night and I didn't want to do it like that... He said he respected that and asked (maybe jokingly) if we could meet up and talk about it when we were sober and I said yes of course it would also just be nice to see you again. That conversation went a bit back and forth but we didn't plan anything. We had an amazing time the rest of the night until we both left to go home separately. And that's it.. I don't know what's going to happen now, because it's a complicated situation.. It's like none of us really dares to take that extra step. And this story between it's like it would never end because we have this special connection but it's.. complicated I don't know. And now his going traveling and I'm starting university. I just really like him so much, have for such a long time and wish we could see where things would go.. :/ Hope you have some good advice in this situation.. Thanks!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 August 2015):
 I admit that I am biased against special connections that take years to develop and nothing ever happens.As a matter of fact , from an outsider 's point of view, what we can get from your post is that YOU feel a special connection, he, uhm... we don't know. He might very possibly be a guy who's glad enough to have you as occasional hook up buddy at parties, ( particularly when not sober ) and that's it. Maybe he likes you because you are cute , fun and available , then it's out of sight out of mind.
This is statistically very probable ; the fact that you feel a weird connection alas does not mean he would feel the same, - at least so far he has not done or said anything to suggest that .
But , what if he is just pathologically shy ? What if he wanted nothing more than being with you , and just can't find the guts to tell you, or at least to HINT it ?
Improbable, IMO- but, tbh, not impossible.
Then alas you have no other resource than taking the initiative. Since he is not taking the first step, and you are not taking the first step as well, BUT, you cannot change his behaviour , you can only change yours,- it logically follows that it's up to you pursuing him and speaking out .
R-mail him, and without making a song and a dance about it, or sending him a full out love declaration, tell him simoly what you have told us : As you surely realize, it's a while that I feel an attraction for you and I feel there's a strong chemistry every time we meet, and I am curious to see what it could develop from this if we 'd give it a try ; what do you think ?
Mind you- I DO not think this is a good idea, he's leaving, you are going to college, you are on different paths and... this feels mostly like a pipe dream to me .
Then again, nothing ventured nothing gained. After all, what have you got to lose ? If he says thanks but no thanks- at least you'll have clarity and can stop squandering time and thoughts about something that won't ever take off.
So, either way,- the result is still a positive.
Yes, I do realize that your problem is exactly that he does not dare... but you do not dare either....; then again, short of a magic wand to change his personality and make him daring !, I guess this is the only logical advice you can be given: YOU want something ? Then YOU go check if it can be obtained. Unluckily, if the mountain does not go to Mohammed, - Mohammed will have to go to the mountain.
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