A
female
age
22-25,
*hay_Rain
writes:Hi! I know I ask a lot of questions but I really like having outside opinions from people other than my peers. So anyway here's my situation.So Saturday I am going on "a double date" with my parents. My boyfriend and I and then my parents will be going to the movies. This will be the first time my boyfriend is like formally meeting and being near my parents for more than a few moments. So I'm sorta nervous. My boyfriend has brought it to my attention that he would like to put his arm around me. I am completely fine with it because I am very comfortable with him and showing affection. However, I am sorta nervous about holding his hand, having his arm around me, laying my head on his shoulder, etc. around my parents and have already put kissing off limits because they (mostly my dad) have made so many jokes about threatening him about not laying a finger on me and lots of other jokes... And while I know it's a joke it does bother me a little because now these jokes and comments are making me worried about what they will say and do. So my question is to you: What affection do you think is okay to show in front of my parents? I haven't done anything inappropriate or sexual with him but like would it be okay to do what we want? And what are your opinions/ outlook on this situation?
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female
reader, Shay_Rain +, writes (25 July 2015):
Shay_Rain is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe Date was cancelled due to busy schedules but if I were to go I would use Honeypie's advice
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (23 July 2015):
 I am going to reverse your question a little. How much PDA would you be comfortable with your parents doing whilst you were out with them?
If your Mum and Dad were kissing, or touching or hugging etc? Would you feel embarrassed, uncomfortable?
If you look around at the adult population, the majority of people are not snogging or attached at the hip to their significant other. You see couples out all the time, on dates, visiting places, yet how often do you see extreme PDAs? Unless you get a load of drunken teenagers/20somethings it isn't that common.
It is about respecting other people, as much as showing your affection for your boyfriend. There is a time and a place for certain behaviours and actions. Learning this is part of the growing up process, and as CindyCares says, some teenagers just don't understand that life won't end if you can't hold someones hand.
As this is the first time your boyfriend will be meeting your parents, I think you should both be respectful and hold back on the touchy-feely stuff.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 July 2015):
 For two hours in a movie theater.... can't you and B/F just "cool it"??... such that the question that you pose... that seeks detailed guidelines... needn't even be considered?
P.S. You can always get a hotel room - just the two of you - afterwards....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (22 July 2015):
 if i was your parent i would be ok with you hand holding, cuddles, putting your arm around each other. quick kisses. anything beyond that is best saved for when you are not with parents
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 July 2015):
 Personally as a parent I would be Ok with the displays of affection you have mentioned, in fact I'd probably found you two lovebirds cute and endearing.
I don't think that, unless your parents are particularly conservative because of religious or cultural restrictions, they would have a problem with gestures conveying tenderness and affection ( as opposed to horniness/ sexual curiosity ). Then again.. I am a mother... fathers at times can be a bit unreasonable and territorial about their female offspring ... so , all in all, Honeypie's is a good idea, ask THEM what they deem appropriate for a young couple ( although, I do think that Dad was just joking, if he were really so uptight about not wanting you to be touched, I don't think he could even bring himself to joke about it ).
The only thing, even if your parent are cool with everything,... please check the duration and intensity of your PDA. Don't make them become " too much of a good thing ".
I have a 17 y.o. niece who has become her bf's Siamese twin- you simply can't separate them, they live attached to each other. They do it tastefully and respectfully, and the boy has the seal of approval from the whole family, no ptoblems- but, too much it's too much, it can get annoying. Once we were dining out and, I kid you not, the two lovebirds were tryng ( unsuccessfully of course ) to break down their meat with their forks, ... apparently they did not want to unlock hands the time necassary to cut it with a knife :) ( eye roll )
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 July 2015):
 Ask your parents to give you some limits and to stop with the joking as it makes it hard for you to realize what boundaries they REALLY think is appropriate.
Sometimes the "kid" has to be the voice of reason.
I think, as a parent, I would be OK with the hand holding and even a arm around the should/resting head on shoulder. I think it's fairly "innocent" AS long as BOTH you and your BF are OK and comfortable with it.
BUT you really need to sit your mom and dad down and ask. It will be good for them to KNOW that their daughter WANTS to respect their rules and boundaries.
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