A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello agony aunts. I just came out of a 1 year relationship and honestly isn't looking for a rebound. I met an attractive and likeable guy after. I like him, he claims to like me, I don't care. The thing is I am a virgin and never had sex with my ex but I think I am finally ready to do it and the only person I can think of is this guy. My meeting with this new guy is just about a week old but I wouldn't say he is worthy of my virginity but I just feel he's the best person I wanna do it with. I have no mind towards dating him but he told me he wants to date me and he's not presurring me into having sex. I discussed this with my sister and she said I shouldn't that he's a loser, but she also lost her virginity to someone I termed a loser too. Afterall most people lost their virginities to people they didn't want to. Should I go ahead with this or remain a virgin. I am really confused and I want him despite me finding out he's nt really what he poses to be. I still want him.i do not want a relationship, just sex because that is all he can really offer. Pls help
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (19 August 2015):
 Hi,i am really glad to be able to give you a bit of helpful advice here, because i lost my virginity to the wrong person, when i was in my early 20s and to this day, many, many years later, i still wish i hadn't done what i did.As the old saying goes, give a guy 1 cm and he'll take 1 yard.Jokes aside, there's so much truth to this statement and why? Because if you give him the green light, what do you expect him to do?! Sit back and relax, of course not.You are still young, you've only just met this guy, you've only just connected, you know nothing about his past, especially his sexual past.If truth be known, he could have an STD, God forbid HIV, how would you know, how could you possibly know where he has been, who he's slept with before you?Think about this very seriously. Also, don't just take his word for it, ask to see the proof on paper. I would.What concerns me the most here, is not so much him, but YOU!You come across, as though you don't truly value your own self worth, because it's all in what you've written.You've mentioned that you are wishing to engage in sexual intercourse with him, despite the fact that he has nothing more to offer. You are ok with that, seriously?If you did go ahead and have sex with this new guy, i can almost assure you, that you'd be seriously regretting what you chose to do afterward and your actions may haunt you for years to come.I am now married to the truest love i've ever known and if i could do my life over again, i would have given my virginity to my husband, not my 1st bf, or any bf thereafter.My 1st bf would not care, because it was i, who made that initial choice to lose my virginity to him. Now i must get on with my life, my future, but in the back of my mind, from time to time, i still regret my past actions and you know what they say.Regret is such a waste of ones time. So true! Don't place yourself in a situation whereby, you may/will regret what you chose to do, with a guy you hardly know.I am much older and wiser than you and this level of maturity can only come with age.I would strongly advise you to wait until you are in love with a man and with a man that you know loves you back and wants much more, than just a casual sexual encounter with you.Treat yourself with total respect and you will get total respect from another.Please do not settle for 2nd best, you will never be happy if you have sex, just for the sake of having sex and feeling sexually satisfied, even if only for temporary satisfaction.Sex is a very beautiful and very sacred act between two people, in the normal sense.Don't take away from that by doing it with just anybody.To give you an eg: although very different, the principles are the same.You wouldn't walk into a hair salon and just tell the hairdresser to cut your hair, colour your hair any way in which they choose, would you?You wouldn't just eat anything, anybody places inside your mouth, would you?Well, when you choose a sexual partner, your right to choose and yes, be picky, ought be heightened.Please think long and hard, before making any brash decisions and do remember that you cannot unwind the clock and turn back the hands of time, once the deed has been done.Also, place yourself first and foremost and be safe @ all times, always remembering to practice safe sex.You do know that he may not wish to continue seeing you after you both have sex, he's made that pretty clear, as he's not committing to you just yet and maybe never, so this is another big risk you take, even though you say you're ok with that too. You can never be sure there, because men can seperate love and sex, whereas a woman will most times, only have sex with a man, after she has established a level of love, trust and a level of commitment with him, so you may suddenly find that you're falling for him, after you've had sex with him.He, on the other hand, may feel nothing for you.As you've never had sex, let me just pre-warn you, in a good way.Sex is very intense, very deep, so don't take this lightly @ all.I wish you all the very best and please let me know how you get on. I'd like to know. :-)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all very much.
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female
reader, faz.m  +, writes (18 August 2015):
Intimacy isn't just about two people having sex, it's also about your emotions and feelings towards the person. It seems like you're not over your ex boyfriend so you're just looking for an excuse to get him out of you head. I would recommend you not to do it because not only do you not know this person well enough, but you're also giving away something that you'll never ever get back, would you rather that happened with someone that you love and care about? My advice for you is just wait for now, I don'y know if you believe in soulmates or not, but there's somebody out there for you and I don't think it is this person you met. Even if you think he's the "perfect guy" to have sex with, at least get to know him first, find out what kind of a person her is, for all you know you may end up liking him, but don't rush into this.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 August 2015):
 You rather claim to have a STD then being a virgin? WTF?
So you start out with lies... always a good way to start a relationship, whether it's serious or "just" sex....
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 August 2015):
 It's possible to be sexually attracted to someone who isn't a good prospect as a partner. It doesn't mean you have to act on it. If you're really struggling with this, have you thought about seeing a counselor?
As you say, you are confused and have conflicting feelings and desires. You were with a man for a year and chose not to have intercourse during that time. Are you drinking too much to get over the breakup? Or using drugs? Could your judgment be impaired?
"He wondered why I didnot want to get intimate. I initially lied that I had std(genital warts to be precise) and he told me he had a female condom for me and he had a condom. I was suprised. Does this mean he sleeps with people who have std. I can't still get over the fact that he's a loser and I still want him to take my virginity."
Okay, first things, don't lie about having an STD. Are you aware that condoms are not completely effective in preventing genital warts?
Does it mean he sleeps with people who have STDs? It means he sleeps with people who may or may not have STDs. Assume they do have STDs.
Go see your gynecologist. Ask for a referral to a counselor.
Good luck! Report back after you've made the appointment.
If you don't have a gynecologist, you can find a health care provider here: http://www.plannedparenthood.org Just enter your zip code into the "Find a health center" box on the right hand side.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2015): You need to stop calling him a loser like you're royalty - it's unattractive to degrade others, whilst thinking so highly of yourself.
Nobody takes your virginity. You just have sex for the first time and most people remember it for decades, so the best advice is to choose wisely and stay safe.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe wondered why I didnot want to get intimate. I initially lied that I had std(genital warts to be precise) and he told me he had a female condom for me and he had a condom. I was suprised. Does this mean he sleeps with people who have std. I can't still get over the fact that he's a loser and I still want him to take my virginity.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy sexual encounter is going to be several times but I don't see our relationship moving from sex to anything serious. He claims to want such but I don't believe him since he thought it was best to sleep with me on the first day we met officially.(he didn't know I was a virgin until I avoided him and told him 2 days after.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2015): PS I still feel like a virgin years after having sex. I don't know if that makes sense but what I am trying to say is that it didn't change who I am or how I feel. I am still me. I built virginity up so much, when it wasn't much of a big deal the act itself (awful and painful) but not an oh wow I am changed forever moment. I wish I had slept with someone I was more attached to because then I wouldn't have the regret, I would have something lovely to look back on cos I actually respected who i slept with. But as you say, lots of people have regrets ... I would redefine your relationship with this guy, is your sexual encounter going to be a one time thing or will it be several times. Myself I would prefer several times because you get to explore sex with more fun and also that you don't feel like a cheap one night stand. You get to enjoy the experience
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2015): I lost my virginity at 24 in a panic not to be 25 ... which was so awful and also resulted in a pregnancy for me. I regret who I slept with big time however I don't regret my child. I would say to you that you have lust for this guy but is he someone you could risk a pregnancy or STD with? Could you imagine having to debate whether or not you keep the child, what name will they bear, where will they live and everything. Sex can be super fun however you are not warned off cos it is fun, but because their are consequence so choose wisely I would say.
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male
reader, IanHenryCooper +, writes (17 August 2015):
 I have personal experience of a 42-year-old virgin. It did not inhibit her in any way and achieved full satifaction, so YOU are deffo within your "use-by" date!
For goodness sake take note of the great advice given on here and wait until you find someone whom you can commit to emotionally as well as physically; I promise you that it will make the sex SO much better.....
Harry.
xxx
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 August 2015):
 Erm.... you do not have to wait until 40 to have sex of course !, but just for the record,.. yes you are confused- and misinformed. In general sex is way moooore enjoyable, unhinibited, intense and HOT at 40 than at 25,ask anybody . It may be a tad less acrobatic... perhaps . Only perhaps, because most people it's still quite flexible at the ripe age of 40 , their joints still do not creak audibly yet,lol.
Not that it takes ALL that flexibility to have sex,....it's sex, not synchronized swimming :)
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 August 2015):
If you're this confused you really aren't ready.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 August 2015):
 Sex for women gets BETTER after 35.... not worse...
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 August 2015):
I agree with So Very Confused, if you have to ask, you aren't ready. Eventually, you'll find the right guy and you'll just know it's right.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, @cindycares. There is an expiration date. I do not want to be a virgin at 25. I believe sex won't be as interesting at 40(my bones would have stiffened. I am still young and flexible and confused. :(
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 August 2015):
You have known him for a week, WHAT is the hurry?
And your statement :"Afterall most people lost their virginities to people they didn't want to. "
Is the WORST reason to have sex with someone. WHY not be one of the few who is happy with whom they had sex the first time with?
I have no regrets with my first time and whom I had it with. We dated for 6 months before sex and stayed together for 4 1/2 years.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (17 August 2015):
What's the rush ? Is there a time limit, an expiration date ? Why can't you wait to lose your virginity to someone who is NOT a loser , and that in your mind fully deserves to be your first lover ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2015): If you wouldn't say he's worthy of your virginity, then don't do it. Just because you're ready, doesn't mean you need to do it as soon as possible.
*Why* do you want just sex?
How is he not who he poses to be?
This guy sounds like someone to be cautious of and you sound like you're not actually ready because your head's a mess.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 August 2015):
IF you have to ask advice on it, then no you are NOT ready to lose your virginity.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso, another issue is I have always termed myself to be special because I am a beautiful and attractive woman. Many people find it hard to believe I am a virgin. I think I feed off such comments. It makes me want to remain a virgin. Am kinda nervous, what if I lose it and I wanna still remain a virgin.lets just say I want to eat my cake and have it. I want to have sex but remain a virgin and I am not ready to have feelings for this guy because he would be my first and I know I am on the verge of falling for him but thiss is not my reason for wanting to sleep with him. I am confused.
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