A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupids, I posted a story http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-really-dont-want-to-be-the-victim.html. I want to continue from where I stopped but before that let's just say my healing process has been slow but I am better now. The main point of this thread is to ask if I overreacted. Before I finally broke things off with this guy who disrespected me, I had something very important to do in his area so I told him I would like to stay over at his place and go out very early the next morning so I wouldn't be late. The things is he poses to be this wealthy man on social media. He even lied to me about where he lived. When I got there I screamed (he lives in a slum). I couldn't control myself. Did I over react(my sister says I did that if you're gonna ask to stay at a person's place, you must accept what you see). But he lied to me about where he lived, it was beneath me, I couldn't take it and then when we got to his supposed house, the distance he gave me, he walked so far away from me like he was ashamed. And when I said I wasn't coming in, he said you can leave, you're still a baby, ask people what you did, blah blah. This particular day was when I broke up with him. Need I mention that he's partly the reason I left my ex boyfriend. I and my ex got back to see if we could work things out and when we were cuddling, my ex said I called this guy's name. I never even had sex with him, could that be possible?. And my ex asked me did I wish he was the one cuddling me? I lied and said no but deep down I dunno, he's been so negative in my life but I couldn't seem to get him out of my head. Honestly did I over react by screaming when I got to his house? That was the last time we spoke and have gone no contact since then after I collected the money he took from me that same day.
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broke up, money, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 August 2015):
 There's an old adage that goes like this:
"When you find you're in a hole that is so deep that you can't get out of it..... STOP DIGGING!!!!!"
That applies to you, in these circumstances.....
Good luck....
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 August 2015):
 I would not overthink this, if I were you. Isn't this the same guy who snatched 35 dollars off your wallet right under your nose- and it took quite some doing to have the money back ??
So yeah, although I tend to concur with your sister, (formally she is right : you do not ask hospitality to people,and then go like " Ewwww! What a dump you live in ".It's just not done. ). You sort of under controlled your reactions, - there was probably no need to make a fuss, you could just have said that you had changed schedule or changed plans or changed your mind , and left),... although your sis has a point,then, well, he does not seem to be the supersensitive type who'd feel hurt or humiliated or shocked.
From what you say, he sounds like your typical thick skinned swindler who would say anything and do anything to get what he wants. " A la guerre comme a la guerre ". Then again, these types are generally good sports, being aware that you win some, you lose some; he tried to bamboozle you , but was not totally successful-it's all in a day's work for him, so to speak. I doubt that he is giving much weight at all to the episode , he will have already put it off his mind . Same as you should do as well , so do not waste time and brain thinking about it- other than to realize that you seem to have dodged a bullet and to thank your lucky stars for that .
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 August 2015):
 I think you screamed because last time he took your money you were shocked and stunned. Now after you knew he lied about where he lived to lure you in, you had to let it all out. You finally saw what a liar and thief he was. It's the combination of the two things. He sounded like the one who abuses people then says they are too sensitive.
No need to feel bad that you left your ex for him, even though he sounds like he's much worse off. I think when people are too eager to have a real relationship that they get too hopeful for the next one. You should be reacting when you see red flags. I should say though, low life men who need money know how to act sweet and romantic. They may not have book smarts but they do know how to charm women. So the decision to date a man should never be because he has something your ex doesn't. You need to take your time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2015): Screaming at someone makes them feel inferior. Why didn't you just ask him why he lied. Talking about you likes and dislikes is one key to a healthy relationship, or at least I think so. If you did not like where he lived because it was beneath you, telling him your plans changed and leaving would have been the right thing to do. Picking a guy to date by his wealthy image of social media gives you a false sense of them. I believe he deserves an apology.
Yes, it is possible that while you were with your ex boyfriend you called him the other guys name. You do not have to have sex without to think about them often.
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