A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Will a relationship come out of my chase? I dated a guy for a year and a half. Everything was perfect until one day my jealously became violent when he left me at his house to go pick up his children from his baby moma's place.After some time I apologize he forgave me and we begin another relationship, but not as serious as we were the first time. I moved out of state and we had a long distance relationship, which was going well---until my insecurity flared up, and I accused him of cheating and I begin to pull away.Once I moved back I still maintained my space from him, but silently liked him. I became upset because he was not asking me out on dates, so I had a friend to pretend to be another girl and call him. He talked to my friend the first time she called then there was no more contact. Until a month later, he called her and that's when my friend revealed herself. He became upset with me an vowed never to talk to me again. We haven't spoke in months until recently I saw him at work, and we were spoke in passing. I went to his job once after that and he said that it will be OK if I text him.I took him up on his offer and text to ask if we can hang out. He told me he was busy and that was not a good day. I asked him again today and he said the same thing.Am I chasing a relationship that will never be again?
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at work, jealous, long distance, moved out, text, violent Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 August 2015):
 You are chasing (or borderline stalking) a guy who is NOT interested. I mean WHO has a friend do her dirty work to set up a guy she isn't even dating? It's not right.
YOU need to leave him be.
Then you need to take some SERIOUS look at your OWN behavior in all this. If you can't LEARN from the mistakes of your past you will continue to push people away from you while being in hot pursuit because you are oblivious to your own behavior.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 August 2015):
 I am afraid so. IMO, anyway, you should not "chase " him no matter what. Personally I do not believe in hard -fought-for love, I think if it is love - it should flow easily, naturally and spontaneously. If you browbeat or trick someone into being with you, and wear down his defenses until he agrees to come back - well, then you have someone who is with you, but still you don't have love ,if you know what I mean.
Regardless of my personal take on this subject, though, I'd say that objectively you do not have many chances of success. If after 1 and a half year of dating, he "demoted" you to not serious occasional hanging out...
And, this episode when you " framed " him with the help of your friend: it does not matter if he has really forgiven you or not. The main point was, that he DID seek out this fake girl you and your friend made up. So, he WAS looking for other women- when he knows that you are there,willing and available.
After which, he already brushed you off twice. We can't say he is very ardent ,right ?... If you keep pestering him, you may squeeze out of him a date- and some casual sex. But the way things look, I'd bet my front teeth that this is the most you'd get out of him :a few casual encounters.
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