A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating someone for three months. The first two months were amazing. We saw one another 1-2 times a week and spoke daily. Our connection was wonderful. But during the last month communication on his side dropped immensely. He basically changed overnight over Memorial Day weekend. Since then we spoke every 3-4 days and it's been a week since he last replied to my text (we haven't spoke in a week now). He takes hours or a day to respond. We didn't spend time together this weekend and only saw one another once this entire month. I posted earlier and many of you suggested to call him to find out what's going on. But I feel I did my part and reaching out will only confirm what I already know - that he lost interest. I feel he ghosted. Is it too late? I don't want to come off as desperate and I feel his actions speak louder than words. But I do care for him quite a lot. I know it's just words but something he said has always stuck with me. When talking about ex dates or relationships he says he always told them if he felt they weren't a match or things weren't working out. He said he never disappears. I guess that's why his slow fading really bothers me. Because they don't match his words and even his personality (from my observations thus far). He posted online a few days ago asking who wants to hang out this weekend, and couldn't even bother to reach out to me. Is it too late to say something now that the weekend has passed? It has been two weeks since our last meet, and one week since last spoke.
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female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (27 June 2016):
 Im reading all the replies here and Im like...HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, did they forget to mention that YOU should also show interest???!!!!!Sweetheart, its been a week since his last reply to you. He has the last word and you didnt reply to that last text! Men also need a bit of chasing. Youre done with the first month, now its okay to show interest. Flirt, be a bit naughty, or just be yourself and lighten up. Its two months, dont be so serious no matter how much you like this guy. RELAX, chill, that post on facebook doesnt mean anything because he could mean YOU or friends or whatever but if you want that, whats stopping you???Dont be docile and just sit back. I bet if you text him, youll get a reply right away. Maybe hes waiting see if YOURE interested. If hes not interested he wont be. But a guy is a guy and they think with different heads just to let you know. Be the good girl but dont be so predictable. And its been two months, you should still be out there dating. Other man, other people, smile at the guy at the grocery store, wear a dress and go for a walk at the park, love life and right guy will know hes a fool to pass you up.Good luck =)
A
female
reader, miss frank  +, writes (27 June 2016):
Ummm... I get that this is your second post, and you are clearly very bothered by it.I'm wondering exactly what the reaching out from you has been? Can you give more detail? In the last month, how many contacts did you initiate to his? Do you also wait some time before messaging back due to his time between? I'm curious because he just maybe taking your lead and thinking you are pulling back....that may not be the case at all, bit sometimes we react and don't see this impact of our reaction on the other person- especially in our world of social media and text city.Did it cross your mind to text when he put up the fb message about hanging out 'hey! If you're free this weekend so am I if you want to get together!' Then you would have known for sure if he was interested. Its likely he wants things casual, but there is the chance he thinks your are pulling back, maybe? Depends what your thoughts are about the second paragraph.Just because he said he doesn't ghost, doesn't mean he doesn't by the way...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 June 2016):
 Sorry, I must correct myself. You don't call this guy " my boyfriend " , at least in this post. I am under the impression that you have used this definition for him in one of your previous posts. But , should I be wrong, the gist does not change much : he is keeping things more casual than you like . This is a good point from where to start asking yourself questions. Your answers are more relevant than HIS.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 June 2016):
 What Cindy said.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (27 June 2016):
I think you are taking this from the wrong end.
You are clearly putting quite some effort in a mind - reading attempt : does he still like me ? does he still want me ? what does he want to happen between us ?
It's simpler if you reverse the subject and ask yourself these question :Do I still like him ? do I still want him ? what do I want to happen between us ? How much am I willing to take in order to be with him ?
I think it's always safer to assume that what you see is what you get, and apparently what you get is sparse texts, and one date in a month. Can you do with that ? Is that enough for you ? Do you LIKE men who make you chase after them ?
I guess you don't, but you feel that if you protest , and pull his sleeve a bit, you can have more attention from him. Possible. But then, ask yourself : am I ok with a man that needs to be pushed and prodded for giving me time and attention ? Or do I want and need someone for whom I'd be a natural, spontaneous priority ?
I am saying this because I think that if you put him on the spot , he will act casual , maybe surprised. He may tell you that he is just very busy, overworked, stressed out, physically tired, did not want to take on you his bad mood, had guests, felt poorly, the dog ate his homework...
And it does not have to be all big fat bullshit, you know ? Seldom things are either black or white, often they are more nuanced.
He said he is not a ghoster, and maybe he is not and did not mean to ghost you totally. Then again, if whenever he has free time, he chooses to spend it with other people, well, he can't be that into you. So probably , the truth is in the middle. This guy did not mean to cut you off his life and human landscape totally- not yet at least, one week of silence is early to say that. BUT, obviously he has no desire to keep your relationship or whatever it is , at a level of frequent, affectionate, punctual communication that you want and expected from him.
I think he may have said " relationship " but he is DOING casual. Are you OK with that ?
I noticed that you call him your boyfriend but tbh I doubt that he sees you as his girlfriend. Boyfriends don't just show up once in a month and then slid under the radar.
If he is not usually a ghoster, and you cannot see him as the ghosting type... maybe he does not want to actually ghost you but his actions confirm that he wants to keep things fluid, casual, uncommitted and unplanned. If not an FWB let's call it a romantic friendship.
Are you OK with that ?
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