A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I asked a female who is beautiful from work on social media if she fancied meeting me for a coffee to get to know me better. This was today, we are good friends on social media, and I decided the time was right to ask her and to seize the day. And I didn't want to wait and miss out on the opportunity as I'm sure most guys wouldn't when they like someone or somebody.I messaged her social media and asked her.And got a rejection reply saying she was busy and was moving away and didn't have free to available to see me.Did I do the right thing in asking?Even though I was disappointed, she is still my friend and I haven't lost her as a friend and the friendship remains stable.Is rejection good or bad? And how do we accept it?I felt as though her reason she gave was lies. What do you think? I'll be interested to hear your views and opinions on this. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 June 2016):
 I think if you are accusing someone of lying, you don't like them. If you actually likes her, you wouldn't say such a thing. It's about respect. If you respected her decision, and respected her as a person, you wouldn't make accusations about her lying. It is disrespectful of you. So I don't think you must like her at all, I think you just like the way she looks and don't care much for her.
And, I don't think you should fool yourself. Knowing someone on social media IS NOT a good and solid friendship. If you were friends, you would meet in person, not only talk on social media.
Whether she lied to you or not, it is clear she isn't interested in you romantically. So why does it matter whether or not it is true that she is moving away?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2016): You are male. That means you have to do most of the hunting. Women do most of the rejecting.
Do you want to have a sex/romantic life? Then grow a very thick skin. Be willing to get shot down 9 times out of 10 and come away happy just because 1 time paid off.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 June 2016):
 You tried small talk (what are you doing over the week-end) and she reminded you that she had already told you... OK so maybe you weren't paying full attention.. so what? It happens.
All you can do in those situations is say; "oh yes you are right you did tell, must have slipped my mind."
YOU are under no obligation to remember everything she told you, but it IS a nice trait in people.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2016): I asked what plans she has for the weekend, when she already told me she was busy and got the same response, and feel like such a fool? Did I do anything wrong? I don't know what it is but attractive females seem to make me nervous.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 June 2016):
I wouldn't ask her out again, unless you want to be rejected again.
While her reaction was polite, it was also pretty much a no, thanks I don't want to go out with you. A no means no. In any form.
She isn't interested in you in that way.
If you are looking for a GF or a woman to date, she isn't it - and look outside of work for one.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2016): Should i ask her again after a couple of months?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2016): I did do today and everything seems fine.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (24 June 2016):
 It's bad because it can hurt. It's good because it happens in life, so it gets you used to dealing with it.
Asking her out was good because you have to take risks sometimes.
Don't overthink whether she lied or not; being rejected is hard, but rejecting someone can be too, when you don't want to hurt them.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 June 2016):
 Rejection is just a fact of life. It bothers you, some times it may even hurt, but hey life goes on. You put it behind you and move on. Nobody is always going to be accepted ( as a boyfriend, a friend, an employee, a member of a club, anything ) every time they want. Even famous movie stars got turned down at auditions ( i.e. ,rejected ) before getting a break.
You just dust yourself off and carry on. No need to take it personally, rejection does not mean that you are a loser or that there's something intrinsecally wrong in you. Just that you were not the right person at the right time for that particular " position " ( in this case , the position of romantic interest for this girl ).
You should not even be thinking, did she lie , what's the reason. She did not owe you to go out with you, and IMO she does not even owe you a detailed explanation of the hows and whys. She made a choice - end of story.
Anyway, ... yes , she may have told a white lie . That's not being insincere, that's being polite. I mean, it is socially acceptable , and accepted, to turn down people as gently as possible. This is one of those cases where just the blunt truth is not always the best.
Suppose that she was thinking " Oh gosh , no. I would not go out with you in a month of Sundays ! You are a nice friend, but I would not French kiss you to save my life "- well, would you have preferred THAT ?
No need to shoot at flies with a cannon- some times total disclosure is unnecessary, even damaging.
Any way, also no need for many post-mortems. Take her at face value. She said she is too busy. Whether this is the ONLY reason, or there are others, she won't come out with you. So now you know and you know where you stand and doubts are not nagging at you- which is a good thing in itself.
I concur though with the poster who says : next time you ask a girl out , ask her in person ! Asking someone on FB ? You are not 16 anymore. And also remember that " being good friends " on social media - des not mean much and is totally another thing than being " good friends in real life " . Totally. There's people who have 400 friends on social media, do you think they can also sustain 400 true friendships in real life ? . No they can't.
If you want to develop a relationship ( of any kind, platonic friends included ) with someone who is local ( so theer's not even the excuse of the big distance ) do that in person- don't hide behind a PC screen.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (24 June 2016):
 Lets face it, no one likes being rejected but the good thing is, you asked her out and you know where you stand. Don't take it personally. After all, this is how the dating game works.
She may have lied to you to soften the blow but then that's how most people go about it when they're not interested. At least she didn't give you any false hopes and was honest and upfront rather than playing the coy game. Take that as a good thing
There are plenty of other girls out there. All the best :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 June 2016):
Nothing wrong in trying. Rejections always sucks, but don't let it hold you back in the future.... just MAYBE consider looking for women to date OUTSIDE of the workplace.
I feels it's just more professional that way, and less awkward when it doesn't work out.
You win some, you lose some. And in this case I don't think you "lost" you tried and while it wasn't a complete success you now know where you stand. She is fine with being friends, but no more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2016): Just because you are friends on social media does not mean she wants to be your date or gf! social media is mostly all fake and you are not "friends" in real life with most people at all, she has NO obligation to go out with youShe said no now leave it, not everyone will like you in life, some will reject you some will not want to be your friend, do not harass or bother her, leave her alone, she said no. Maybe she just does not want to date you, that is her business, asking her out on social media is lame and cowardly, cant you ask face to face? if you cannot then that proves how much you are not friends In real life!real life is real life, not social media..my whole life is rejection, but I suck it up and deal with it and I know I cannot make people want to date me or be my friend, even my extendedfamily ignore me. Find another girl to ask out, leave this girl alone! Be a man and ask girls in person, not vie text or social media.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (24 June 2016):
 Rejection is a two edged sword, sometimes its a good thing and sometimes it feels like the end of the world.
In your case I think its a good thing, you knew you liked this girl, so instead of wondering if the feelings were reciprocated or not you took action and asked her if she would like to meet for coffee.
She has politely rejected your invitation, so now you know where you stand, and that's a good thing because its much better than tying yourself up in knots wondering does she, doesn't she ........... she might feel a little awkward when you next see each other at work, so keep it light and act the same as you did before and all will be fine.
You also now know that you need to look elsewhere for a girlfriend. Good luck :-)
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 June 2016):
 I've been "rejected" by so many women that I've lost track of just how many..... BUT....
I've persevered and found a few desperate damsels who WOULD consent to spend a bit of time with me.... and THAT has constituted my "love life" for the last 55 years....
Soooooo, buck up... and expect the best... and NEVER let a girl's rejecting you set the basis for YOU giving up...
Good luck..
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