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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: I have not been seeing or contacting my ex for two years now. He sent me a text yesterday just to say hi on social network. As we text he tells me he is still inlove with me and wants to be the best guy for me. He blames himself for the break up because he was flirting with other girls. He also said that he was afraid that if he showed me how much he cared about me he was going to end up being hurt. Do you think he has changed? When is the right time to take your ex back?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 June 2016):
 Never.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2016): "Do you think he has changed?"No. He's probably been dumped by his latest girlfriend, he sees you as a comfortable fallback Plan B and so he's feeding you a line of BS in hopes of weaseling himself back into your life. "When is the right time to take your ex back?"When both parties have worked diligently to resolve to their mutual satisfaction the issues that caused the breakup - which rarely happens.If you're so insecure, gullible, naive and vain that all he has to do to get you to think about taking him back is tell you what you want to hear (even if he obviously doesn't mean a word of it) then you have learned nothing and will very likely end up in the same situation as before.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 June 2016):
 I, like Auntie Cindy, almost typed NEVER! as well. Because it RARELY is a good idea to take back an ex. When people break up there usually is at least ONE good reason why it happened, in your case, several.
Now, has he changed? I can't say, but you are both so young and no one changes "overnight" - over 2 years? maybe. He might have learned a lesson or two, but that doesn't mean you should take him back. Hopefully he has learned and grown from it. Hopefully YOU have too.
My guess is, he is single again, lonely and wants to make HIMSELF feel better so he contacts you, he apologize and claims to still love you and want you back.... where I think his motives are well, a little less "noble". He wants to prove to himself (more than you) that he CAN be a good guy who CAN have a GREAT GF (you). The relationship you two had are in his mind the "perfect one" for him. It might be you two are not really suited for each other any more. He is "in love" with the IDEA of you and him.
IS there a reason YOU can think of, that makes what he did in the past a non-issue?
Would you feel like you could trust him again?
I have to say WORDS are cheap. "I am still in love with you" - it's a REALLY cheap shot for him to use. Most guys knows that girls get very emotional when they hear someone LOVES them, even if that person DIDN'T treat them right in the past. Because we WANT to be loved.
And I agree (again) with Auntie Cindy - the whole "I was afraid to show I cared , for fear of getting hurt" I feel it's BS. It's something to make an EXCUSE for his behaviors in the past. And it also shows that he was WILLING to HURT you... so HE wouldn't get hurt. Not really... a stellar excuse now is it?
There are SO many guys out there that you can date who WON'T come with this "baggage" of what happened in the past. While you might believe that he has changed (and he might have in some areas) it's impossible to wipe the slate clean and start over.
The fact that he chose to tell you all this over text/message and not in person, is another "minus" in my book. It's EASY to sit and say heartfelt things and apologize when you aren't face to face with the person you hurt.
Personally, I wouldn't go back to this dud. But you got to do you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 June 2016):
 I am tempted to say : Never ! , but I'll modify it in an : almost never. Exes are exes for a reason.
Take yours, for instance .You had to break up because he was flirting with other girls ( which clearly does not sit well with you ). He might have changed and be a non flirting guy now- but how would you know and how would you trust that ? You shoud sort of put him on probation for a long time, and watch him like a hawk to see if he is towing the line as promised. It seems a lot of effort- when the world is full of guys , and many among them would ALREADY be types who do not flirt with other girls.
Ditto for the " I was afraid to show I cared , for fear of getting hurt ". That sounds to me just standard vapid BS, but suppose that it is the truth. Then, it means you had a bf who did not show he cared , and made you feel uncared for- because of his own paranoia and insecurity. Not a man worth killing the fat calf for, don't you think ?
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