A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A couple of months ago a guy i'd been seeing broke it off with me, i was really upset as it had been going on a while and i thought we were really good together. Since then i haven't openly looked to start dating anyone else, but on nights out with friends ive met a few guys who were interested in me. They all asked for my number and several of them invited me to meet up for a drink or a date. I said no to all of them and even ignored some of the messages as i felt bad about turning them down. I dont know whats wrong with me, i really want to meet someone new but i just keep turning guys down even though there is nothing wrong with them and most of them have been my type. My problem is i keep comparing them to the guy who ended things with me. I feel like i dont want to get to know anyone new because i opened up to this one guy and it ended badly. I know i cant let this one experience stop me from meeting someone else, im just so terrified of going on dates and getting to know people. Any advice? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2016): It happens love. Im 20, it took me the whole of 2015 to get over the fact that my ex whom i thought cared about me was lieing to me since we dated. He was in a relationship with another girl again still flirting with girls yet saying that he loves me. You can imagine the frustration i went through because i was deeply inlove with him and i opened up to this guy. I broke things off with him but i felt like i was hurt more than he is. People recover differently because we are different. My advice keep a no contact with your ex. Keep away anything that will remind you of him. If its his photo hide them or remove them and continue to mourn. Use this time to improve yourself dont concentrate on dating again yet until you feel the difference between the old you and the new you. Excercise, eat healthy maybe you have been thinking of join a competition maybe peagents go and join. This is the time to focus on what is important to you besides dating. Keep yourself busy make sure that after a year somebody will be able to see a change in you (maybe your ex) and trust me girl he will definately want you back. Guys are into independent women they like a woman with standards because they feel she is a challenge. Remember you are doing this for yourself and not your ex but if he comes back to you (chances are extremely high) and you want him back too. Make sure that you dont make it easy for him to get back with you until you are convinced he has changed. Hmm or maybe you wont want him back because you might have met someone you love and that loves you. That is what i did the whole of 2015 now in 2016 i look better and sexier than last year. Ive been going on dates having in mind what i want in a guy (considering past mistakes with ex boyfriends). Some guys are good guys but does not mean you have to date them because they are good. You date them because you feel like you can separate your differences and still make it work. Im now dating an awesome guy very handsome and educated he told me about his plans and he includes me. We have been dating for four months now. Ive known him 5 months before dating. Oh and my ex came back asking for love backs unfortunately for him I am inlove someelse (i bet it sucks to be him right now #in my beyonce voice).It might have took me a year for some people it takes minimum 1 month. I forgot to mention school is important. When you busy mourning make a list in your diary of things you want in your next boyfriend and things you cant stand or compromise in a guy. Then make a list of the characteristics that the guy you want to date next want in a woman and work hard to become that woman so that when you meet your guy you will be ready and you will known. Lots of love.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 June 2016):
 Be patient. You are not over your ex yet- you are either stll carrying a torch for him, or the experience left a bitter taste in your mouth, which has not gone away yet, or both.
What's your rush ? I am surely not one to advise staying stuck in the past, - but if in just two months you aren't quite ready yet to open your heart again, neither I can say that you are obsessed .
It takes time to digest a big disappointment, and while you do it,it sort of saps your energy and zest for new adventures and new experiences, and that's normal , I think.
Apparently you still have got some healing to do- and you don't HAVE TO date while this is going on, if you don't feel like it. It's not doctor's orders, you won't die if you don't start dating again right away.
Start your healing from other stuff than guys. Friends, work, sport, travel, whatever - even just a bit of time and patience. Now it's just your MIND which tells you you SHOULD date , but at some point your senses and feelings will get aligned too, and you will lose your fears. Or, your still feel the fear- but you'll be motivated enough to feel the fera - and go for it anyway :)
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A
male
reader, DarrellG +, writes (26 June 2016):
 I think you are probably right to turn them down to be honest and your probably doing it because you know in yourself your not ready for another relationship because you havent fully worked through your feelings about the last one. The reason I say this is because you say this:
"My problem is i keep comparing them to the guy who ended things with me."
and
"A couple of months ago a guy i'd been seeing broke it off with me, i was really upset as it had been going on a while and i thought we were really good together."
You didnt want it to end and it did. My advice would be to stay single for now and try and get some closure on your last relationship, you need to talk with someone about what happened right from start to finish but why it ended etc. See, your problem might be that subconsciously your pushing others away because your scared the same thing will happen again. Having said that its really hard to tell without more details. Why did it end? What happened?
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