A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im new to the area NOT the workplace or job (i have been there a while) some colleagues wont even introduce themselves! I have said hi and introduced myself to some and some give me a " who s she?" Look and wont introduce themselves. I like my job and just want to fit in. Why blank me or act cold, im not trying too hard? Or am i?As a worker over 35 im already older and left out due to that, so what can i do? Why are people so cold to new coworkers? I get they dont know me but surely if you see a new person a "hi im" why ignore me or act rude, im not a boss, just a worker! Im not rude
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male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (28 June 2016):
"I like my job and just want to fit in."
First part is awesome :) I like my job.
2nd part...Just want to fit in...to what?? Did you go there to make friends or to do a good job? First, do what you came there to do, and leave the rest alone.
Maintain a positive attitude and do your job, and watch what happens :))) When you are good at what you do, someone will ask for your assistance soon enough.
It's like being in a new class. Everyone hates the nerds, until they need help. Then they ask the one who is best at the task :)) Once they talk to you and see your positive self, they will realize you are a worthy friend :))
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 June 2016):
 I guess it depends.
From how many people work there, for instance. If it's a huge outfit things will be a bit impersonal.
I am a normally well mannered person, I hope, but in NY I lived for few years in a building that was 36 floors, 10 or 12 apartments each floor. It was like a big village ! we were always running into each other in the lobby, in the elevators, in the corridors... but you just can't say " hallo , how are you, nice day today " all day long to hundreds of people, so the unspoken agreement was that we dispensed each other from these social niceties, and pretty much everybody ignored everybody else , but the neighbour right next doors ( or personal friends, of course ). It was not out of coldness, it was just practicality.
- Another thing is what is the current " code " in use amoung your coworkers. If you say that they are all young ( not that 35 or 40 is old by any standard ! ), young people tend to dispose of formalities, of structered things like " formal" introductions :" Hallo my name is X and I am your new colleague ". It does not necessarily mean that they are rude or hostile, it's just different habits, we may regret that some forms of courtesy and respect are sort of going extint, but- all in all it's less sinister than it looks. Young people have a direct, simple, efficient approach to life- probably they think that sooner or later they'll HAVE to come in touch and cooperate with the new colleagues, i.e. when you'll have to talk to each other you will talk as a matter of fact , so no need for elaborate introductions.
All in all, I'd try to not take it personally if I were you . If you feel comfortable in introducing yourself, go ahead , it's always a nice,kind gesture , but do not hold everybody responsible for reciprocating. You see, there are different philosophies about socializing in the workplace- while some people, like you, like to have a friendly, warm atmosphere around and feel that they are part of a team- other people just go there, do their job, keep personal contact at a functional bare minimum, - their REAL life and real friends are outside, not on the job , they could not care less about making new friends on the job. It's a choice , and a legitinate one , I guess .
While you, or I, may not share it, then again there's no law that say that you have to contribute creating a warm, cozy, social atmosphere at work. After all, the point is executing a certain job, not creating stronger human bonds ( although if that happens too, that's a big bonus, of course ).
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 June 2016):
 You stay friendly, and give it time. Be outgoing, be interesting, and introduce yourself. Different states are different cultures. I have lived in multiple states, and some are very outgoing, welcoming, chatty, and so on. Others are as you said, cold and standoffish.
I live in the latter state now, and *I* do the introducing and give off a welcoming demeanor as I can. I'm an employER now, as it's been a long time since I've been an employEE, but I made a point to be as warm as possible, and it does help others warm up to you. One job I thought based on how quiet the office was was stuffy and standoffish, until I saw 3 of my co-workers playing cribbage in the breakroom. I asked if they were looking for a 4th to play partners, and said I always wanted to partner up with the payroll clerk (I said that with a smile). That broke the ice, and surprise! The office became bustling with conversation, fun, and the time went by fast.
Find some common ground. Notice what people put on their desks, and that may spark conversation I did that recently, as a potential large-ticket customer I met with last week happened to have a Vault-boy bobblehead on his desk. We had a blast of a conversation, and the end result was I picked up one of my biggest clients ever.
Don't wait for people to come to you! Show yourself as inviting, fun, happy, and notice things about your co-workers that show common interests, or notice things that may give your co-workers pride.
You might want to read the book "How to win friends and influence people". Great read, and it will give you some tips!
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