A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am confused with my relationship. Long story short. My boyfriend and I have been together for four years but we are still trying to be comfortable with each others' families. Although when he talks with his family, I feel left out and he feels left out when I talk to mine. It's really awkward and at first I thought I was the only one feeling miserable about it. Is this a normal thing that happens? Having to give your significant other space when they talk with family or should we include ourselves in any conversation with them? I know when something important is brought up in a family discussion while I am around. I just don't interrupt because it's rude and intrusive. Other than that, it doesn't seem right. Talking with friends however is never a problem. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (1 July 2016):
 My boyfriend gets on with mine, but he still feels awkward about being left alone with them. I've only met his once (they live quite far away) and I could tell it would be hard for me to fit in at all because they are "country people" and I don't have any experience with that. I also try not to think about the fact that his dad used to be abusive and his mum has always been neglectful. He still wants to see them because they're getting older and they're family, which is understandable (his dad has done a 180), but I feel anxious all the time that I want them to like me and for it not to be awkward, but it happens.I also feel awkward around my family because they always unintentionally exclude me from conversations, even when I try to insert myself. It upsets me, but that's how it is.Maybe, whilst it's not nice to find it so difficult, you just have to keep trying and talk to your boyfriend beforehand about being a united front and making sure you both feel included at each family gathering. This is common, trust me.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 June 2016):
 I can understand where you are coming from and this is normal, different families talk about different things. It probably just means that when he is with his family he is not showing you any attention and vice versa. Try opening a topic that can be discussed by everyone next time you are at his family home, and if he does things that makes you feel left out, then point them out to him and ask him to try and fix it and off course vice versa.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 June 2016):
 Yes, it's normal. Lots of people feel uncomfortable around their own family !, imagine someone else's-
Family are little microcosms, each has its own traditions, habits, mannerisms, preferences, which may surprise people from the outside, or make them uncomfortable, or downright grate on their nerves. This even with families from the same location and socio-economical background. Imagine if there are big differences in religion,culture, income, etc.
Anyway I have got the feeling you are overthinking this- I think you are right to not interfere when some important, personal or family issue is brought up among that family members, - ( although, I think they'd better leave the important , sensitive issues for when it's strictly family ) - you know them since a while but you are not part of that family yet.
For the rest, I hope they'll be able to have general conversations too- about the weather, sport, fashion, the news of the day, you know, regular stuff - and I don't see why you should not join them and offer your comments and points of view. After all, if you invite, or accept, people over , that's ALSO to include them in conversations, you surely don't expect them to be mute, cowered witnesses to your speeches .
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