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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years.He is 63. I am 45.He is not married. Neither am I. Just to clarify.We are good friends. Our sexual relationship has always been quite wonderful too. And for a man in his 60's, my boyfriend has always had a strong sex drive and has been able to perform very well. No complaints.However, I was somewhat dismayed today. A little surprised to be honest with you. We had an afternoon to spend together so when he came home, I was anticipating sex as we often will have sex during the day if the opportunity arises. When he got home, he seemed distracted. Not as lovey dovey as always. And once we settled into the bedroom, he was not all over me as usual. So, I just began a conversation and mentioned a product I was searching for on the internet that I could not find in stores. He offered to go on the computer with me and do some browsing in order to source it out. So he got up and sat at the computer in the next room. I followed. So, right away I was thinking he was not really into having sex with me. I told him we can look later. We then went back into the bedroom. I began initiating. He was not very receptive and I asked him if he was into me or not in the mood? He said although he is into me, he was not into having sex with me today. That he was not horny. And this is strange because he is usually horny and he usually wants me. I was of course hurt by this. And took it quite personally. In all our 2 years together, this is the FIRST time he has not wanted to have sex. And the very first time we have been together with an opportunity to have sex without having it. We had sex yesterday and it was intense and exciting and he came. I came. All good. But today it was a total turnaround from yesterday.He claims it's his age and that he is tired sometimes and not always in the mood. I, however, have always been, by his own admission, his GODDESS in the bedroom and this has taken me aback that he did not desire me on this day. We went on a trip last weekend for four days and had a great time. We had sex every single day we were away. He said he has been having sex with me a lot in the past 2 weeks, more than usual, including vacation sex. Which is true as we were on vacation and had more sex being away. And he said he was more tired than usual from the greater frequency of sex recently.I guess I should take what he says at face value?But I am worried. I have a gut instinct. He seemed different today. In the past, it may have taken a little bit to get him going even if he was not totally in the mood but I managed to do it. I would give him a BJ or hand job and his penis would get hard. Or we would kiss or engage in foreplay which would get him going. But today, I worked on him. Same thing. Blow job. Used my hand. But what I noticed and this really struck me, is that his penis was limp. It looked and felt EXACTLY the same way it ALWAYS does AFTER he has had an orgasm. Usually when I am close to him, he gets hard or harder. Not today. His penis stayed limp. After I sucked him and gave him a hand so to speak, he hardened up for a short time but he could not maintain the erection for long and he went limp pretty quickly. I found that very strange. It was as his penis had already had a workout. I cannot dismiss my gut. I KNOW him and I KNOW his body. It was not the usual for him. He has always been able to get it up. Always. I thought that the penis had a mind of its own. Usually ready for duty? His has always been ready. Until today.I am sure a man could get hard again after an orgasm if a little time goes by but I am not sure he could sustain it for long. Especially at his age. So, I am worried he may have slept with another woman that morning and climaxed. Hence, not being horny for me and being limp. Even after I worked on him, he could not maintain the erection. I just found this strange. It feels like he already had one. I cannot seem to shake this. Because after he has one with me, his penis looks and feels a certain way. I just got the distinct feeling he had already had one. And the fact his penis was like DOUGH trying to rise but not able to rise even though you were kneading it makes me jump to the conclusion his penis was spent somewhere else. He just seemed SPENT. And had nothing in the tank for me. I do not know WHY he could not try to PLEASE me sexually. Surely he could have tried to make me happy? He loves when I climax. I am just surprised he did not want to keep me happy at all. He has always said he loves to make and watch me climax whether he is in the mood or not. But today he was TOTALLY hands off. He did not try to cuddle or kiss me or ANYTHING.I am here reaching out because I am on the verge of telling him this relationship IS OVER.I think he cheated on me.I do not need proof.The proof is in his penis.I am hoping the aunts and uncles here can give me some advice. What would you do in my position?
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blow-job, cheated on me, erection, foreplay, hand-job, horny, in the mood, limp, orgasm, sex drive, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2016): If you want sex all the time go out and get a 18 year old.I can not believe people sometimes.
A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (23 September 2016):
 He has given you a rational and plausible explanation which you clearly have chosen not to trust. Why is that, OP?
If this is the only evidence you have that he may be cheating, well, it's not very good evidence. Unless you are prone to jumping to conclusions in other areas of your life, however, I strongly suspect that it is not. You write very well; your whole post is laid out in clear and logical order. But the thought *process* you've shared with us isn't logical at all. You're in a sexual relationship with a senior citizen, he can't perform (or isn't in the mood for sex) ONE time, and therefore he can only be cheating? You are so convinced of that fact that you are ready to ignore his explanation and to leave?
I think there is more to this story.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 September 2016):
 He is not some sex machine, and you are not some prize. You really need to take yourself down from that pedestal you have put yourself up on. I am glad you feel like you are some sort off goddess, but that does not mean that all he wants from you is sex on demand. You are not his prize, you are his partner. You both should be doing other activities other than sex. Sure it is great, but he is telling you his body is slowing down, and you go in to over drive thinking he is having sex with another woman. Big conclusion to come to. If you are going to end a relationship just because he could not perform one time, then you do not deserve to have him. You are putting a lot of pressure on him which is really a horrible thing to do to a man, especially one you are meant to be in a relationship with.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2016): Yes, of course it's possible he cheated on you.
Men who are normally erect and into sex with you do not suddenly go LIMP. There is a reason for this. The reason is he dropped a load with someone else before coming home.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2016): Give the poor guy some breathing space. He is not a sex machine.A lot of guys even younger than him would envy him for his stamina to be able to get it up everyday. He is 63 yrs old not a teen.There could be a host of reasons for his conditions. Let him rest to recover.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 September 2016):
 There are good news and bad news.
The good news is that what happens to him is perfectly normal , at his age. And it has got nothing to do with cheating.
His body starts betraying him, and his sex drive declining. At 63 he can't be a stallion every day as he was at 23. Now some days he will be able to go on and on like the Energizer Bunny, and some other days he will just need to rest and won't feel any desire.
In fact, he is doing great for 63. It seems he still is a stallion most of the time, let's say 80% stallion and 20% dormient. Expect the stallion time to decrease and the dormient time to increase , maybe slowly but inevitably. That's just how the human body works. No reflection on you.
The bad news is, if you are the poster I think you are, that yours is a recreational relationship. With this I do not mean strictly sexual only. I am sure you also talk, and enjoy each other's company. But anyway, a relationship based mostly, or only, on novelty, excitement,pizzazz,- entertainment.
If there's nothing deeper , more future oriented, more projectual, to keep you together- the best , most exciting entertainment eventually loses its luster.
It's like going in vacation . To a Club Med, or on a cruise. The first week it's paradise, it's all so new and fun, so many things to see and do: shows, concerts, sports, movies, excursions,- it's heaven on earth. The second week is still good too but less exciting. The third week... by the end of it one is tired of " having fun " and secretly craves going back to the old routine, including even their detested job !
So, if you are "only " a sex Goddess for him, yes, you still are a sex Goddess in his eyes today, and you may still be a sex Goddess tomorrow ... only , at some point, he will ask himself " Now,... what did I want a sex Goddess for ?! "
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2016): Are you really like this? Egotistic? Self-centered? Obsessive? Haven't you got a clue about anatomy and physiology? I mean you're over 40!This has nothing to do with you or him cheating on you. His over 60. It's a small miracle that he performed so well and as you put it you "had no complaints" - because that's what's important, I assume.Men sexual drive and performance go down the hill when they hit forty! And your man has been over that line for 23 years!You're 45 and you're with a man who's 18 years older than you - accept the facts of life. If you love him this shouldn't be a problem. If he starts having more problems in this department, see a doctor ASAP. It could be a vascular problem (heart, blood vessels...) a signal of some serious health issues. Not to mention prostate problems or simply hormones.It's so egotistic to think that you are a prize and that he should be grateful that he's getting to have sex with somebody who's 18 years he's junior. This age gap is not a miracle cure for all things.And things change. People grow old. I suppose that you notice a difference between yourself at the age of 39 and now. If you don't think again.Don't take out on him your insecurities. I bet he doesn't deserve this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2016): "He claims it's his age and that he is tired sometimes and not always in the mood."
What part of this do you not understand? He was quite honest and succinct. You obviously don't have a clue about male anatomy or male-sexuality. All you know is that it should get hard when you expect it to? It's a body part belonging to a 63 year-old man! A penis does get tired! At your age you're at your peak; and his libido is declining. Yes he can be quite energetic at times; but age catches up to you.
He is getting older and you cannot switch him on and off like a machine. Don't put him on a guilt-trip with claiming he's making you feel unappealing. That's quite spoiled and childish. Trying to make him feel your self-esteem rests on his sexual-performance. That is quite manipulative, my dear.
He is an older man. He will have times when he's really hot and ready to go; but he cannot keep it up (no pun intended) indefinitely. He had a good run, but we all hit a plateau.
You're now accusing him of infidelity and you're getting quite mean. Keep it up. If you want to know what's a turn-off, that kind of behavior is at the top of the list.
He has pushed himself as far as he could, to impress you and appear virile and studly. He is now feeling his age, and you should be kinder and more supportive. Instead, you're emasculating him and subtly throwing jabs.
I guess he now feels all that's important is your ego and sex. He'll tire of your accusations and jumping to conclusions; and realize it's not even worth his time, if that's how you feel when he can't perform on demand like a sex-machine.
What should you do in your position?
Take a chill pill. You're quite demanding.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (22 September 2016):
 They way you talk, I get the impression this is purely a physical relationship for you. You don't sound at all concerned for this man's well fair. He could be going through any number of situations. He could have had a health scare and not want to tell you. He could be just slowing down sexually, but can't face having that conversation with as you. Does he talk to you about his work? He could be having financial difficulties. You need to improve your communications with this man if you're to have a lasting relationship.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie +, writes (22 September 2016):
They way you talk, I get the impression this is purely a physical relationship for you. You don't sound at all concerned for this man's well fair. He could be going through any number of situations. He could have had a health scare and not want to tell you. He could be just slowing down sexually, but can't face having that conversation with as you. Does he talk to you about his work? He could be having financial difficulties. You need to improve your communications with this man if you're to have a lasting relationship.
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