A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive been dating a guy for a few months now. He has been very good to me , kind , caring, selfless, all those things. I hate that this has bothered me so, but it has. He shared with me tonight that he spent some time the other day with a guy I went to high school with.I wasn't fond of this guy in school, he wasn't the nicest too me, kind of a loud mouth and embarrassed me a few times. Basically I tried to avoid him. I was not unpopular,( I was homecoming queen) but some people you just don't click with I guess. For whatever reason this kid made me feel very insecure and question myself. Ive been out of high school 15 years now, but the fact this guy hung out with my almost boyfriend bothers me. I know he didn't say nice things about me. I guess I was hoping after all these years he might of changed his tune. The guy I am dating told me he said i was weird, fake, and told him to run for the hills. I guess it brings back all those emotions from high school and I can't help but be bothered by these comments. It probably sounds silly, but I needed to vent about it. I wish I could just shake it off. I know I am doing much better in life than he is anyways. Any one else feel like this before or have some advice??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2016): My take is this guy had the hots for you at school (male to female bullying is always sexual) and asked your bf a lot of questions about you. Your bf sensed that he was overly interested in you. When he asked this guy he went "Oh no at school she was blah blah..." Your bf wants to make sure there's no way you'd get with this guy so he told you that stuff just to make sure of that.
A
female
reader, newgia667  +, writes (5 October 2016):
 Honestly he seems like a lonely loser that has problems with holding onto the past. If he's judging you on the person was 15 years ago thats a joke. Im not saying you were any of those things he said but everybody is entitled to their opinion. With that being said it doesn't give him a right to trash talk on your name especially to your new bf… Shows he is still very immature and holding onto something bigger. I would think after 15 years people move on… If he takes so much interest into telling your bf about how your fake and etc I think your boy should stop talking to him because it bothers you
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 October 2016):
 This guy has the issue not you, I understand why this brought up some uneasy feelings in you, but he is the one with the problem not you. It sounds like he is jealous of you. Ask your almost boyfriend to not mention him again as it brings back bad memories and forget about him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2016): The fact that this guy chose to slag you off to your (nearly) bf and suggest he dump you says a lot more about him than it does about you. My guess is that at school he had a massive crush on you or was jealous of you for some reason, hence his need to be loud around you and to embarrass you. You must have made an impression.Either way it was extremely rude of him to refer to your teenage self as weird and fake and he clearly has no manners.I too had an encounter with someone I hadn't seen for 20 years at a school reunion. He was a bully at school and clearly a bully as an adult so I just ignored him (he wasn't worth wasting my breath on) but it did bring back unhappy memories and it upset me. I'm a teacher now so I understand that the bully is the one with the problem (I see it daily) not their target so I was able to rationalise it and forget it.That's what you should do. You were hoping this guy had changed his tune and grown up, unfortunately he hadn't. You should feel smug since as you pointed out you are more successful than he is and the best revenge is always happiness.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2016): There is obviously some immature behavior going on between both you and your former classmate. Being homecoming queen really swells the ego and being popular most often makes young ladies exactly as your classmate described you.
Sounds like you may have snubbed him off, and you got the typical adolescent reaction to your rejection. He was the one guy you didn't impress.
It's sad two adults haven't outgrown the adversarial connection you've made over 15 years ago; and have perpetuated ill-will over the years and still haven't gotten over the past. I take it neither of you have gone to your class reunion in avoidance of each other.
Your experience is in no way as profound as being teased or bullied. You were pulled town a few pegs from your pedestal, which wouldn't have bothered you as much had you been more humble and less conceited. You don't mention why this boy developed such a vindictive attitude towards you, but all that can be left to the imagination.
As a full-grown adult, you let bygones be bygones and write it off as childhood foolishness. There was nothing he could say or do that changed anything good within you, he simply called out the obvious; and you didn't like it because your beauty and popularity was everything to you.
Such experiences are built-in to life to teach us empathy, humility, sensitivity, and poise. It's a dent our conceit and it reminds us what it feels like on the receiving end of snobbery. Surely there were less popular and plainer young ladies in the class who would have cheered him on.
Their memories of high school are surely worse than yours.
Your boyfriend didn't have to share what the guy said, unless he had some reasoning behind it. Perhaps he saw something in the guy he may have identified with as a guy.
There really wasn't anything said that really has much bearing on who you are 15 years later; and your boyfriend knows the person you are now. You simply left the worst impression on one guy, and he let you know it.
Grow-up and get-over it. We're all adults now. If your boyfriend is having second-thoughts about you, it's based on what he knows about you now; not what the guy said.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (4 October 2016):
 says more about him than it does you. At 35 give or take, one would think that he had matured enough to realise that people change a lot over time, growing out of their teenage skin-well most people with the exception of him what a douche bag and from your bf response he probably does also.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (4 October 2016):
 Dear anonymous Original Poster,
Whatever the history between you and your classmate is, apparently it still affects both of you. The emotions that divided you then are still alive and active.
You need to disassociate him (old classmate) from your "almost boyfriend", their connection was brief and it is apparent to me that your boyfriend was not impressed by your former classmate. Essentially he ratted him out. Not to hurt you but to inform you of the danger this old class mate still is. If you foolishly punish your boyfriend for this you will do 2 very bad things. One you will shut down communication in your relationship. And two you will give power to your old nemesis to control your life now. Your boyfriend has not given him that power and neither should you.
FA
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 October 2016):
 Ah, what a loser that guy is! To think his opinion of you holds true 15-20 years later or that ANYONE should care.
Honey, you NEED to IGNORE that kind of crap, it's USELESS information, tits on a boar. Seriously, why gives a single F about this guy and his opinions?
IF you current BF listens to old gossip and lies he isn't worth keeping either.
Your BF should know better than to "pass on negative crap from the high school days" really who does that?
You are YOU, not the homecoming queen of yesteryear. Be you. You know you are doing great in life now, so don't let some dumbass hold you to your past self, my guess is HE is still living the "high school" mentality because he HASN'T improved or made a better life since. His highlight in life WAS high school... What a sad fellow.
And I agree, EDUCATE your BF a little here. Not by arguing the guy's merits or your own, but by telling him old gossip is not something you give a hoot about.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 October 2016):
 Janice Joplin felt like you :) She got rich, she got famous, she got to be loved and admired by thousands of fans... and 10 years after she was still heartbroken for not having been invited to her school's prom.
My advice ?.. obviously, don't pull a Janis Joplin:)
( although I doubt that her heroin addiction came just for having been the odd one in high school ).
I say, though : dumb and dumber ! Dumb, your ex classmate for badmouthing you to your current bf. For all he knew, he could even get socked in his mouth , had your bf been more chivalrous ! and dumber your bf who runs to tell you these negative comments , which you can't do anything about anyway. It's not like you can say : Ok, this stings, but thanks for your input, from now on I am going to change ... what I was FIFTEEN years ago !
I think all you can do, is to appeal to your rational mind, even if of course certain things hurt precisely because they hit us in irrational hurtful spots and irrational fears.
But , at the end of the day- it was 15 years ago, and it was highschool, for Pete 's sake. Teenagers, you know ? The chrysalis of the adult individual, therefore very different in essence and shape.
Maybe you WERE a bit fake, or impressed some people as fake. Bif f.....g deal. Most teens are fake because they are insecure and try to put on a protective armour by wearing a cool persona or copying attitudes which aren't really theirs. ;maybe you were " weird ": all teens are weird. They all have their own quirks and foibles and actually it's great that they can sport them so naturally before, in time,they make themselves more socially palatable.
Or maybe , it was a case of sour grapes, another very common thing in highschool. Let's say you were more popular or more attractive, than this guy, or you got better grades and with less work... let's say that for any reason he felt threatened by you same as you felt by him... then he has to tear you down, to protect his ego.
Of course, one would hope that fifteen years are enough to stop operating in teen mode, but, for some people they aren't.
Don't be one of these people, and realize that the version of you when you were in high school, simply does not exist anymore, so, while of course it's annoying that somebody is still criticizing it- it's just empty words, they are criticizing something that has ceased to be long time ago.
And enlighten your bf about the virtues of " if you can't say anything nice don't say anything "... it seems like he never heard it mentioned !
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