A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Everything my logical brain thinks of says DO NOT CONTACT HER, yet I still want to know how she's doing. I want to know if she is doing well.Obviously this is about my ex'. Im curious and hoping she's doing well. I can list a number a of reason why I should not contact her but still I want to. Why? One of them I am in the best relationship I have ever been in. Everything is virtually perfect for me.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 September 2016):
 Okay lets talk about your ex, why did the relationship end? What do you hope off getting out of contacting her? A sorry? A reunion? Think about it, what do you need from her?
Also think about your current relationship, is it worth putting it at risk?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2016): Obviously everything is not entirely perfect. Something is missing in your life. And it seems to all point back to your ex. Probably comes down to closure. You've not yet gotten it from that relationship. Perhaps you feel guilty about something. Maybe about the way things ended. Maybe how you treated her. Perhaps it has more to do with you than with your ex. Maybe you don't feel like a full man unless you reach out to her to make amends. To make yourself feel better. Cause maybe you feel like you were a jerk or something. You two broke up and she's since made herself scarce. Could it be that you are missing the attention?
You want to know if she's doing well. If you call her and find out she's doing great, what will you gain? On the other hand, if you call her and find out she's not doing well, what will you lose? Or even gain? And then what? What happens after that? Will it progress into you having more questions about her life? Or you'll just have gotten your answer and suddenly you'll stop thinking of her and everything will be fine?
If you've since moved on and are in a good relationship there's no good reason why your ex should keep popping up in your mind, with the urge to contact her. I'm not suggesting you repress that urge but I think you should be honest with yourself about why you feel the way you do. And you should be honest with your current girlfriend too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2016): Why would you even wonder about what she's doing? When I was with my ex boyfriend I couldn't give a crap about what my last boyfriend did.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2016): Unfinished business? Trauma bonding? Was she abusive in any way? Why did it end? Did it end without proper closure? How long ago did it end?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2016): It would really hurt your current girlfriend if she found out. Think about her feelings... not your ex!
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A
female
reader, missy_25  +, writes (27 September 2016):
Think about the consequence of you reaching out to her by any means. Will that be good for either you or her? If the answer is no, then don't. If your intentions are "good", maybe. Again, think of the consequences to your current life. Do you really want to give it a chance to your current peaceful life? There are reasons why certain people stay in the past, so that you can start a new life and be able to move on without any regrets. And then there are reasons why you want to retain people from your past because they are worthy to stay in your life. Which type of person is she in your past? Live with no regrets but live to do good not cause pain to people who truly cares about you.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (27 September 2016):
 Not worth it.
Who knows what would happen? She might not even be happy to hear from you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 September 2016):
 Virtually. Virtually only.
Stay in reality. Stay in the here and now.
It can't be that perfect if it did not work out, and if you can give yourself so many reasons why you should not contact her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2016): You do not need to contact your ex and to do so would only be destructive!You are currently happy with your life and you should assume that she also is happy with her new life.You cannot transform her into your sister in order to compare notes.It will only offend her.Maybe you feel a belated burst of love towards her and your big heart wants to contact her to tell her how happy you now are, but it is unnecessary!A kind heart wishes her the best for the future and lets go.You have no children to discuss so drop it and leave her in her peaceful zone where you are quite firmly in the past!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 September 2016):
 If it was so perfect, how come it didn't work?
Have you asked yourself that?)
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