A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I would like some advice on whether the following scenario would raise a red flag:Today I was driving home from work, on the phone with my boyfriend. Suddenly he said he had to take a call, so I was like OK, call me back. When I got home 40mins later, he had just gotten off the phone. I asked if everything was OK and he said yea, the bank called. I said, they called you at 7:30pm? He said Yes and proceeded to tell me it was because he couldn't use his bank card and they are calling him to figure out why. This raised question #1 in my mind: "Shouldn't the bank check into the activity of his account to see whether his bank card is active WHEN HE CALLED Customer Service? Why is Customer Service CALLING HIM BACK A FEW DAYS LATER to check his account activity and bank card?" Then I looked at his phone and asked him why does the bank's Caller ID show as "Incoming Sideline Call" His response at the time was "I don't know, it's just the caller ID".I later went online to search "What does Incoming Sideline Call" mean. I realized Sideline is a company which gives out free phone numbers that you can use and link to your existing number, so you don't give out your REAL phone number. So, when the caller ID shows up as "Incoming Sideline Call" someone is using that "other phone number" to call him. It definitely was not the Bank's caller ID. I brought this to his attention and asked if he has a Sideline account, to which he finally admitted that he does have one. So I questioned why didn't he explain what "Incoming Sideline Call" meant when I asked him and why did he lie that it was the Bank's caller ID. He said he didn't lie and it was really the caller ID that showed up. I pointed out to him that of the 3 years we've been together I've always been very honest abd straight forward with him. I would've directly told him what Sideline is, but he's always so shady with his answers.Would you consider this a red flag in a person? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 September 2016):
 It can't have been the bank calling . A bank using a Sideline free account ? It would look so unprofessional. Plus, why would a bank use a Sideline account to call their customers ? These would not know that it is the bank calling and would not pick up, probably. I mean, if I received a call IDed as Sideline call, not necessarily I would answer, thinking it is some pesky telemarketer.
Out of curiosity, I checked Sideline's FAQ, I cannot swear that I got everything right, because my brain shuts off when reading about phones and technology, anyway, it sounds like as Incoming Sideline Call is someone calling his
" secret " number ( which he obviously gave out ). When someone calls your Sideline number, the caller's real number does not show on the phone as other than a generic number from the company's location . Then, you switch on the Sideline app and it gives you the real number which called . That , if it is a " real " number. If it is a Sideline calling another Sideline... I have no idea what happens.
But, it was NOT the bank calling him , you can bet on that - for the reasons you quoted yourself, and many others. And his bank anyway would have had no reason or interest to use a secret number- particularly for a banal customer assistance issue like this.
So yes, totally shady. Then again, didn't you say that he is always shady with answers ?
A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (29 September 2016):
 If your man admitted to having a sideline account it would be very coincidental if someone else was calling him with their sideline account, too - unless there was something going on. I think it must be that his sideline account was alerting him to a call. I am not entirely sure that you would be alerted when someone called you from a sideline account, you'd just get the call to your phone as regular - unless they were calling your sideline account from their sideline account, which in itself is still suspicious.
If you've been with this person a while, and you are hear asking these questions, then I would say that your gut is screaming at you that there is something not quite right here. I don't know if I would monitor it, or if I would just leave it be right now and see if any more of these kind of calls come in. It is either that or really lay it all on the table and see if he caves in to anything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2016): So he has another phone number and it was very difficult to get him to tell you that straight. Why? Only four explanations spring to mind. 1) he is dealing. 2) he is running a legitimate business from it. 3) he is cheating or trying to.4) he has a child he hasn't told you about. UuYou need him to 'accidentally' leave his phone at yours for a day or so. The whole thing stinks.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2016): I am the OP.. You are all very RIGHT! I did some research and actually downloaded the Sideline App. I noticed that just like on your regular phone, the Sideline App has a call log of all incoming and outgoing phone numbers and text messages. I asked him to show me his Sideline Call log and when he showed me it was BLANK!! He says he doesn't know why it's blank LOL!! So, I used my Sideline App to call his phone, and the call log shows on BOTH our Sideline Apps!
I'm done. He is up to something no good and unless he is truthful and comes clean, I'm walking away.
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A
male
reader, WickedPoet +, writes (29 September 2016):
 It's a big red flag. Thus is a guy who does not know much about the female mind lol. I would rather have the FBI tracking me than a suspicious woman. He did not think you would figure it out and still thinks you will buy the bank fiction. When you love someone it is easy for them to lie to you. There is a good reason why the betrayed are always the last to know. You are being duped for some reason. Whether if is another woman or something else is not really the issue. It is the deception that is the problem. If you are in an exclusive relationship I think you have every right to know what is going on. After all, you have voluntarily committed to him and given up otter, perhaps better, opportunities, for him. Keep a close eye on this and be prepared to abandon ship.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 September 2016):
 Sounds a bit suspicious to me am afraid.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 September 2016):
 Honestly, OP
I have no idea if it means someone else is calling from a sideline account or TO his normal number/sideline.
All I know about sideline is that you can have 2 numbers on your phone and only pay for one line. I have thought of doing this on my phone as my youngest doesn't have a phone of her own yet. That way it would be easier to screen HER calls from mine.
IF the bank isn't OPEN at 7:30pm I serious doubt his story. And if he had issues with the magnetic strip they would JUST have issued a new card.
You have known him for 3 years, so you know him better than me, but OBVIOUS there is something fishy going on if he has a sideline account, what on Earth would he need that for?
While the last Nonny suggest you pretend to let it slide, I'd say screw that. TALK to him and have him explain it. You should have to "lurk" in the bushes hoping to catch him at doing "bad" stuff. Either he can be trusted or he can't.
Do you two share a phone plan? If so, you should be able to see what number his sideline has called. If not and he has done nothing wrong wouldn't he want to show you that?
Something raised a flag in your head, follow that and don't just let it slide. You are his partner of 3 years if he is doing shady shit, you deserve to know so you can decide if you want to stay or go.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2016): Yes, it's a red flag. Without a doubt.
I suspect he is on some hook up or dating sites chatting up random women and not wanting to use his real phone number in order to be discreet and not get caught. Maybe one woman caught his fancy and he was talking to her for a bit, trying to arrange a hook up. Or maybe he has already hooked up with her and is still using that side phone number to maintain contact and arrange for another hook up or just having phone sex etc. But one thing is for sure. Having a side number in itself is already shady. There is no need to do that unless you are up to no good.
He is doing something on the sly and obviously it is very deliberate, calculated and premeditated.
I would not believe him. I would PRETEND to believe him and investigate him behind the scenes. You will find what you are looking for sooner or later. But the key is when you are dealing with a cheater, never let on you think he is up to no good. He will just get better at hiding things. And continue denying them forever while continuing to cheat. Pretend you let this slide and never mention it again but be smarter than he is. He thinks you trust him. Make him believe you do. Because a cheater's greatest weapon is your trust. And ironically their greatest downfall will also be your (pretend) trust. If they think they have snowed you, they will not be as careful. That is when they slip up.
I suggest watching his behaviour from now on.
You will know what to do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2016): Hello Honeypie, I am the OP here. Can you please clarify - if his caller ID says "Incoming Sideline Call", does that mean the other party is calling him using THEIR Sideline account/number or does that mean the other party is calling HIS Sideline account/number that he has given out that got re-routed to his personal phone number?
I doubt the bank called him regarding not being able to use his bank card. This is his bank card to his checking account and not a credit card. I also had the fraud department from my bank call me due to fraudulent charges, but never had a bank call me back after hours regarding why my bank card was demagnetized or not able to make charges. Banks will always be able to look up your balance, transactions, and whether your ATM Card is active or not, during your initial call to them, they don't need to call you back with that info. This is why when he used this as a reason for them calling him, I did not believe him. That's when I saw a red flag and asked to see his phone for caller ID and saw the "Incoming Sideline Call". I doubt the bank called him and he definitely didn't get scammed.
My question is, being an upfront and honest person, if you knew what Sideline is, and your boyfriend/hubby asked you why does the caller ID say Sideline Call, would you say "Oh I dunno, it's just a caller id" or would you explain and say "I believe it's a call from a Sideline account which is something like an alternate number so people don't see the real number etc..."
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 September 2016):
If someone calling HIM used a "sideline account" I TRULY hope your BF wasn't stupid enough to give out ANY bank info, NO bank would use a "sideline account" to reach out to customers... however, scammers will. And they can sound VERY convincing. In the US a bank would use a 1-800 number.
About 5 years ago when we lived down South there was a bunch of scammers from China using an equivalent of the "sideline accounts" to scam people. People saw a local number and when the person told them there called about their bank account (they used the name of the main bank in the area) many people thought it was a "true" call from the bank and handed over whatever info they were asked about. That being pin number, account info routing numbers, etc... I even got that call and immediately questioned the validity as the caller couldn't spell my name (if she called from the bank she'd know how to spell a customer's name right?) Plus we didn't HAVE an account with that bank ever. So how did she get my number etc? She hung up.
So if he was on the phone with what he thought was the bank for 40 minutes, his bank account might be empty now... Unless he IS lying.
My bank calls me AFTER hours if there are "weird" charges on the cards. Like we had some charges on my husband's made in California and before the transaction could go through the bank called us and we denied the charges and cancelled that card. However, that isn't the BRANCH calling it's a centralized (somewhere in the States) that monitor bank cards for several banks, I believe.
As for your BF having a "sideline account" well, for me, that IS shady. Why would you call people can not use your real number? And who would you call in those situations? For me, that IS a red flag if he can't or won't tell me why he has a "Sideline account"
If I were you, I'd tell him to CALL his bank during BUSINESS hours and figure out what that "after hours" call was about.
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