A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi All!! Im praying that somebody out there will have some answers to my massive confusion in my relationship. 4 months after starting a relationship with the guy im still with currently. He proposed to me. I accepted due to being massively head over heels in love with him. Not to long after the proposal I find out that hes going behind my back and sleeping with other woman, chatting with other women, lied to my face about a hidden cell phone he was using to talk to other women, hitting on my daughter who was only like 15 yrs old at the time, and last but not least during the time he was supposed to be at work working he kept going over to his ex girlfriend house whom he has kids with and was sleeping with her too behind my back. Now about 2 1/2 - 3 years later Im still with the same guy... he has changed to stop all the wrong doings he says. But I am continually getting uncontrollable thoughts that hes up to something. I ask him questions in a calm way to get rid of these thoughts in a positive way but every single time he gets ticked off about me asking questions that he gets red in the face and screams at me about it all. He says quote- Its been a couple years now... I don't know why the f@@@ you aren't over it all by now. Unquote. Yea he acts pretty heartless over it all when all Im doing is looking for help thru it all. My question is... How long does it take somebody to get over nonstop lying, cheating and betrayal?? I have no help/support to talk to anybody so I have been dealing with this all on my own which Im beginning to think is making it so much harder on me. Please somebody send me some non sugar coated advice so I can move on and be over all the storms in my head. Its making me miserable.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 October 2016):
 Glad you say sense. Yes you do deserve better and so does your children. He hit on your underage daughter and you stayed with him? That is the worst betrayal, she is to young to go deal with this stuff, this is where you should be protecting her. Please do not let this creep anywhere near your children again, I find it hard to believe you let him sleep under the same roof as your children for so long knowing this. It makes my skin crawl.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the non sugar coated advice as I asked for. Your thoughts & suggestions have made me see things in a different direction in my life & for my kids. As of this morning I have broken up with him. At the same time of doing this I told him exactly my feelings for all the bs he put me thru and how if he makes a mess he should be there with no hesitation to clean up that mess. I do deserve so much better. And im in no rush at all to go back to the dating scene. If it is meant to be then it will happen in time. Again thank you all for your very helpful advice.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (1 October 2016):
 You leave and don't look back. Don't accept a proposal so soon and never allow yourself to be with a man who has no respectful boundaries, like not cheating, not flirting with a relative and not flirting with an underage girl!
Sorry, but I'm quite horrified that a man like this is still in your life. You *shouldn't* get over it all, OP; you should use it to leave.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2016): Sorry, but the only thing you needed to say was that he hit on your daughter. Someone planning to marry you and hitting on your daughter????? WTH??? The cheating is BAD but hitting on your daughter. This man is an abuser and thought he would get himself a nice ife to rely on while he attempts to do what exactly? WHAT was he planning to do OP?? Think about it... boot his ass to the KERB!!!!!
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (1 October 2016):
 I'm just baffled you've stayed with a guy that tried to hit on your UNDERAGE daughter, surely as a mother you'd do anything to protect your children?
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (1 October 2016):
 As long as it takes for the person to wake up and realize that they shouldn't be in a relationship with a liar and a cheater. Its been 3 years..have you woke up yet?
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (1 October 2016):
 How long is a piece of string? Especially when you are trying to sort through your emotions yourself. Without having to talk free and frank with someone outside of the relationship, ie thearapist, you more than likely wont ever find peace. Not just in relation to the pain he has caused but more importantly why you choose to stay. For the life of me I cant understand why there is any appeal in wanting a relationship with a man that hits on your daughter, a vial dog act on his part. This man had done more than enough in the beginning to have you still thinking he is or has the potential to get up to no good. How is that a healthy way to live? He doesn't know why the fuck you are over his cheating lying behaviour because he still doesn't value you or the gravity of pain and the process it takes in order for you to heal. That process needed to include him way back, 2 years ago. Telling you that you should be over it, without even trying to help you process things just goes to show that he is still the selfish individual that cant man up and take accountability for behaving so poor. That is not even close to a genuine sorry. Stay with this guy and you will be miserable now, tomorrow and for the rest of the relationship. Sorry but this dude is a arsehole. Cut him loose and only then will you be able to set yourself free.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue +, writes (1 October 2016):
How long is a piece of string? Especially when you are trying to sort through your emotions yourself. Without having to talk free and frank with someone outside of the relationship, ie thearapist, you more than likely wont ever find peace. Not just in relation to the pain he has caused but more importantly why you choose to stay. For the life of me I cant understand why there is any appeal in wanting a relationship with a man that hits on your daughter, a vial dog act on his part. This man had done more than enough in the beginning to have you still thinking he is or has the potential to get up to no good. How is that a healthy way to live? He doesn't know why the fuck you are over his cheating lying behaviour because he still doesn't value you or the gravity of pain and the process it takes in order for you to heal. That process needed to include him way back, 2 years ago. Telling you that you should be over it, without even trying to help you process things just goes to show that he is still the selfish individual that cant man up and take accountability for behaving so poor. That is not even close to a genuine sorry. Stay with this guy and you will be miserable now, tomorrow and for the rest of the relationship. Sorry but this dude is a arsehole. Cut him loose and only then will you be able to set yourself free.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2016): You are not a teen to go head over heels for a guy. At your age you should know that respect fidility responsibility degnity come before love. First thing you must have some self esteem and respect to yourself.My advice get this guy out of your life and then try to put your life into some prespective and set some rules for the next guy you allow to enter your life. It is too late to do these things with the present guy because you have allowed him to abuse you for too long already. Dump him and choose another guy. But first have some respect towards yourself.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (1 October 2016):
 OP listen to me. As someone who has been with a person in the past who was a serial cheat and a liar, I'm telling you this from experience.
It. Doesn't. Get. Better.
I wish there was some way I could get this message across to you and make you understand that this is not something that gets better with time or something that you can grow to live with. It will always gnaw at you, it will persist like a dull headache from the time you wake up in the morning till the time you sleep at night. I stayed with the guy because at that point of time, my relationship was way too public and I was too proud to admit defeat. I thought that I could make it work because in my head, I thought it was too late to start all over again with someone new...if at all I'd find that someone new. There came a time, however, when I couldnt take it for one second longer. My ex also reacted in exactly the same way as yours...he would tell me to f!*&%#g get over it because it was all in the past and he claimed to have changed.
In your case, to top it all, this man that you're with is a threat to your daughter and that, is the lowest of the low.
Its never too late OP. Please leave this man immediately and I cannot emphasize this enough. He's a sick, lying, cheating pervert who deserves no sympathy and certainly not a forgiving partner like you. You'll find someone much better than him and lets say worst case scenario even if you dont, its better to be alone than with a man like this.
Last, I'd like to point out that by staying with this man, you've degraded and humiliated your daughter, who will probably never forgive you for not kicking him out. Do you want that to happen? Do you even realize how your relationship with this man would impact her? Do you want her to have dysfunctional relationships of her own just because her mother had them too?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (1 October 2016):
 He hit on your 15 y.o. daughter, and knowing that, you are still with him ?.... Eeeewwww!
Forget for a sec about his cheating.Some women can forgive and forget, or anyway willing choose to give a second ( or third, fourth ...) chance.
But , a man hitting on your underage kid ?... That's a dealbreaker in all civil societies.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2016): You're with a guy who hit on your under-aged daughter?
You found out about his cheating, yet you;re still with him?
You're not supposed to get-over something as bad as all that!
He was supposed to have been tossed out on his ass 3 years ago! Now he seems heartless?!!
Seriously?!!!
Well, I guess this is what karma feels like. You'll return to a peaceful state of mind when you kick him out.
I promise!
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (1 October 2016):
How long does it take me to get over that?
About ten seconds.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2016): Why on earth are you still with this guy?! He "hit on" your 15 year old daughter. Isn't that bad enough? His behaviour was beyond inappropriate and you're still by his side - why? Is this the example you want to set for your daughter to conduct her relationships?
His rude response when you question him about him cheating are completely unwarranted. I would say this relationship is done but you're fearful of being alone so you're dragging on with this charade.
If you can't trust him then you'll always be in a negative state of mind in the relationship and if his past cheating keeps coming up without you coming to terms with it added to the fact that he hasn't done enough to gain your trust - then it's over.
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