A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My wife left for Paris last week, and instead of going to work, coming home to a lovely empty apartment and playing video games like I been doing, my brother convinced me to hang out with him for the night. When I got there all the boys were there, I even had a couple of my friends too, drinks were flowing ( I don't drink) , but everyone else does, we playing cards, making jokes, laughing. Somewhere along the way, my brother made a joke like " that kind of look like (person in the room's) mom" or something in that nature, and everyone was laughing because it was a joke but he took it the COMPLETELY wrong way. He got up, heated words were exchanged, then the cups flew, then the table flew, then hands flew, the guys friend tried to jump in the fight with his friend, and of course I'm not going to let them beat up my brother, so I had to jump in. Then my friends helped me forcibly remove the guys from my brothers house, and that's how my night turned into a disaster in 0.2354 seconds. I woke up the next morning, and FaceTime my wife telling her about my night, and the first thing I get, not "are you ok?" or "are you hurt?" I got "(my full name) if you scratched up your band that I paid so much money for I'm going to kill you" , I told her of course I didn't, and after we got off the phone I immediately checked if my band was scratched, well it's not scratched because it's gone! I have looked everywhere in my brothers house, even outside of his house, nothing. If i don't find that ring I'm a dead man walking when my wife gets home. My friends told me that sometimes people get insurance on wedding bands and stuff, so I'm thinking if there is insurance I can get a new one before she get's home. Other than that, I'm out of luck, anybody has suggestions?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 October 2016):
 Hmmm you get in to a fight and she asks about your ring? That makes no sense to me, must be more to this story? What are you not telling us?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 October 2016):
 My husband lost his wedding ring last year. He told me right away. BFD...we got him another one.
we did not file a claim because it's not on our jewelry rider. Normally the deductible would be more that a man's ring is worth. It would for my husband. Even if the ring is covered the paperwork would be longer than her trip.
IF you want to replace it then go buy a new one. Hopefully if it has to be engraved it will be done before she gets home from Paris.
In addition, while she did ask if you were ok.. WHY would she immediately go to "scratching the ring"? Gold is a pretty hard metal and hard to scratch; it can be polished to remove scratches as well.
Something about the whole story does not sit right with me.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (3 October 2016):
What people need to understand is this.... A ring does not make you married. Your VOW does.
People act as if the moment you take off or lose your ring, some how you are no longer married. I understand the ring is expensive...But did you get married because of love, or a ring?
A ring is like a uniform...You know a cop right away by his uniform. You a know married person by the ring. If a cop takes off his uniform, is he no longer a cop?
Simply tell her the truth and go buy another one. Shit happens...You are alive after the fight...good. Nobody got stabbed or shot, and the night ended safely. Alive to still be married. So which do you think is more important?? Losing the ring or losing someone or your own life?
Sure your wife will be upset. But how upset do you think she would be if she lost you? How upset would you be if your lost your brother in that fight? So in comparison...the ring is lease of your problems. It can be replaced...People can't be.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (1 October 2016):
 Do you know what I think is the truth?
1. You are a gambler.
2. You gambled away the ring your wife bought you.
3. You have a history of telling lies to hide your gambling.
4. Your wife didn't ask if the ring had been scratched but whether you had lost it in a bet.
Am I close?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2016): My grandfather was a police officer and he used to say the reason most deceivers get caught out is they are not truthful about the small things. That's what it looks like here. One obvious thing about your post that doesn't make any sense is when you say ".....after we got off the phone I immediately checked if my band was scratched, well it's not scratched because it's gone!" So you had an entire conversation with your wife about your ring and only looked down at your hand after you disconnected the phone? Unless your hand was in another room (prosthetic say) there's no way you wouldn't have instinctively looked at your hand when she mentioned the ring. If you'd said your wife was away, you went out on the town, got drunk, passed out, woke up and your ring was gone or a variation thereof, that I'd believe.Either way you have no ring so it looks like you have no alternative but to tell your wife what happened and face the music.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 October 2016):
 I agree that your story doesn't add up. I call BS.
You don't lose a ring in a fight, necklace maybe, ring no. UNLESS it's way too big and then you could have lost it washing your hands. And if it was WAY big, you would have had it sized or left it at home.
Sounds like you are trying WAY too hard to fabricate a story your wife MIGHT believe. And if most of us here in DC don't believe it... I doubt your wife will.
You have 1 option. TELL your wife the truth. NO lies, no BS.
My husband has gone through 4 wedding bands in almost 20 years. 2 he "outgrew" and 1 he broke, 1 he lost. An expensive and well-made gold band/gold ring is not going to get scratched from a fist fight - that absolute nonsense. And I find it really weird that your wife would bring that at all. It's a ring.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (1 October 2016):
 I agree that it would be hard for a ring to come off in a fight. Why was your wife asking about the ring, unless you fight often?
OP, why doesn't your story add up?
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (1 October 2016):
 Have you recently lost weight or something? It seems quite odd that a metal ring sized to fit you would forcibly come off your finger in the course of a fight without you feeling it. There is an entire industry around marketing silicone wedding bands BECAUSE metal bands can catch on things - and often skin the finger (degloving) when they come off.
If you didn't take the band off to go to your brother's house and you didn't have any drinks (which might impair your memory of having taken it off for some reason) then it IS probably at the house somewhere. If you have not done so already, move the furniture and look underneath it, check between the chair/sofa cushions, check all the trash bins if someone other than you cleaned up the mess of flying drinks etc. because it could easily have been swept or wiped up.
What kind of yard does your brother have? It sounds like some of the scuffle took place outside as well. If his yard is overgrown or has places a ring could fall into and be hidden from view, consider renting or even buying a metal detector (several big box stores sell them online for fairly low prices.)
If you don't find it after that, sadly you are probably out of luck. Rings don't automatically come with insurance, so unless you or your wife is paying for a policy on it already, one of you will likely have to pay full price for a replacement. It doesn't sound like *you* have insured it, and while your wife may have, that policy is likely in her name if it exists since she would hypothetically be the one making the payments. In that event I'm afraid there's no way for you to try and make a claim about it without her knowing - she would have to be involved in contacting the insurance company.
There is a small chance your brother's homeowner's insurance (if he has it) may cover the loss but since the ring was not specifically covered under his policy and was not damaged or destroyed by a "covered peril" (fire, etc) there is probably a cap on what, if anything, his insurance company would pay out towards its replacement and this cap may well be less than the full value of the ring. File a police report for lost property (do not report it as stolen property unless you actually believe it was stolen) and have your brother check his policy, but expect to be waiting some time for the claim to be processed and funds awarded if this is the case. You will also need to be able to provide documentation as to the value of the ring that was lost - recent purchase receipt, appraisal, something along those lines. If you can't get that information without your wife's involvement, again, the secret is out.
All that said... unless you are willing and able to go buy an identical ring out of pocket before your wife returns from her trip, I truly believe your best course of action is to be honest. Unless you want her to spend the rest of her time in Paris upset and possibly stressed over the loss of an expensive purchase, this is a conversation best had in person AFTER she gets back. Tell her you lost the ring and you're not sure where it happened (true) and you didn't tell her right away because you wanted her to enjoy the rest of her trip (also true). In your shoes I'd also offer to pay for the replacement if your financial situation allows, or to take over paying for the insurance policy (which will likely go up significantly after an expensive claim is made) if one exists.
Hope this helps. Good luck in your search, and best wishes!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (1 October 2016):
 Something doesn't quite add up. How can a ring just go missing in a fight? Was it loose on your finger, to begin with? And why was that the first thing that your wife was concerned about when you told her about the fight? Why would she automatically assume that something were to happen to the ring?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (1 October 2016):
 Nothing but fess up, unless you can go buy an identical ring before your wife comes back.
She'll get over it. People do lose stuff, it's not as if they do it on purpose.
... speaking of which, I'd focus on finding a believable explanation of why you had taken your ring off. I mean, it's not believable that you lost it in a fistfight- unless you were fighting with someone all oiled up , a bodybuilder maybe :)
And if I am skeptical , who am not even your wife and could not care less what you do with your rings, be sure that this will sound very strange to your wife's ears. So, be prepared.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2016): I think the other female anonymous has hit the nail right on the head. The story sounds made up. Your brother had to CONVINCE you to go out rather than just go home and play video games. Nothing to do with you and not your fault you HAD to go out. Then a fight broke out which, again, is nothing to do with you, you didn't start it, it wasn't your fault, but you had to do the brave, commendable thing and protect your brother. So far you're looking pretty good. If you're to be believed. If you're fighting, maybe your ring flew off at some point in the action, but it would have to be loose fitting to do that. Rather more believable is... you went out with friends (who just happened to be there in your other story by the way?) and took your ring off before you went and now you can't find it. Your other story is so see through I'd be worried if I were you too! A bit too much detail in some ways and lacking in believability in others.And this is why you are so worried about losing it. If you are inclined to behave this way and she really did say those things about the ring, then she's already pissed off with you about other things in the past or she values these things higher than you. Wonder why.Maybe you two should reconsider and re evaluate your relationship.
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (1 October 2016):
I think you've missed some key elements out if this story. Either your wife is pretty heartless to not ask if you are ok, or you end up in fights regularly and she's lost her sympathy for you.
I also think it's odd that you could lose a ring when you were fighting with your fists. Now if you had voluntarily taken it off to go out with your brother THEN lost it, I could see why you are so scared to tell your wife. Otherwise I don't see why you are so scared to tell her. If you can defend your brother to the point of physical violence, then surely you are capable of defending yourself verbally when you've done nothing worse than lose a piece of your own jewellery?
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (1 October 2016):
 She can afford Paris, but gets upset over scratches on a soft metal ring?
This is why I wear Tungsten.
Fortunately, when the wedding band my wife bought for me got lost she was the one who lost it. Over the course of nearly 30 years of marriage we have owned a lot of wedding rings. Most of mine have been pretty cheap because I work with my hands, and things happen. She still has everyone I have bought for her. (the diamond in the original has been replaced once) When she lost one at work, a gold band I bought her for a Christmas, I insisted on buying her a tungsten band she could wear to work. Although the band was found and returned before the new tungsten band arrived, she can see the wisdom in my thinking. She can not wear jewelry while working (food processing) so she keeps it in a pocket. She won't leave rings home because she feels wearing a ring is part of being married.
My advice to you is this. If she thinks her present to you is more valuable to her than you are. Keep it in the home safe most days and wear something cheaper the rest of the time. Just take it out on special occasions. Any competent jeweler can remove scratches from gold. You are right she should have been more worried about you than things. Of course if she was she wouldn't be going on separate vacations.
FA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2016): You are mixing up two events!
In the course of the evening and the fighting shinannigans you did not loose your ring.
No one pulled it off your finger because it was clenched into a fist and would not be oiled up just to slip off!
No, you put that ring somewhere and before you did that you had to take it off!
Check your memory banks again to see if you can remember where, why and how you lost the ring!
It looks suspiciously like you took the ring off to go on a night out!
All this ringless action at your brothers house where you were drinking and gambling just doesnt ring true!
So ring d wife up if you dare and try to make your peace so that you can let d bells ring out for xmas !
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (1 October 2016):
I'd be really hurt that it was gone, frustrated because it was expensive and upset that my other half had been in a fight - it may even take me a little while to get over it, but I wouldn't hold a grudge. If your wife couldn't get over it, you're not married to a very reasonable woman.
Own up before she finds out. Maybe offer to pay for the replacement, if she remembers where she got it.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (1 October 2016):
 Items are replaceable. Sure it cost a lot of money but it's not the end of the world is it? That night could of gone a lot worse if a large scale fight broke out and then the ring wouldn't really be on anyone's minds would it?
Just own up and tell her it's gone, it's going to come out at some point so just get it over with.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (1 October 2016):
 Tell the truth. If your wife is such a martinet that you are scared to tell her the truth then you have a big decision to make either now or in the future.
In the end it is just stuff. The price is irrelevant. It was stolen.
What about the police? If you are going to put in an insurance claim then the insurers will need to see that you have reported the loss to the law. It might be covered by your brother's house insurance.
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