A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi members. I think my boyfriend is selfish and not understanding in this situation I will write about. What do you guys think? Would a good boyfriend react this way??It was the last day of my job today and after telling him I had a bad day at work he joked about it. When I said I dont want to joke about it he gets mad at me because I was angry he made it a laughing matter. He adds I am too sensitive. All I wanted him to do was listen. He claimed his jokes are to cheer me up. I understand this but I just didn't want to make jokes about it. Does he even care about how I feel?
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female
reader, Eagle'sfan1986 +, writes (16 November 2016):
Having a sense of humour is a fun way to bring up the mood not having one is not really good for the relationship at all. My dad used to come home from all grouchy before. But I am so sure later on as the time u will forget about your horrible day if u two spend time together.
A
female
reader, Eagle'sfan1986 +, writes (16 November 2016):
Maybe he just wants to make you smile after you had a really bad day at work especially on your last day at work. His jokes are the only thing that can make you laugh. If it gets out of hand, I advice to tell your bf calmly that you're not in the mood for jokes right now. But don't yell at him. It will only make both your dad so terrible.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 October 2016):
 He cares , and he is doing what he can to help you, in his own , maybe a bit clumsy, way. If it does not work for you, tell him: I know you want to cheer me up, but with me this does not work, I need to vent.
See though if perhaps it may be the case, at times, to put a bit of a brake on the venting, and on the " sensitvity ". ( Hyper)sensitive people do not understand that often sensitivity does not come from having deeper ,finer feeling than other people, but just from being more self-involved and ego referred.
I.e., from not not being able to keep some healthy emotional detachment from what's going on, and being SOMEWHAT able to put things in due proportions .
Let's say, you buy a new expensive outfit for going to a party and unfortunately you stain it with ink and the stain won't come off. Of course it sucks, it's a nuisance, it's infuriating, it's an economical damage etc. But : just have a look around you, switch the Tv news on, - and you may realize that's really not the case to "mourn your loss "for more than a couple of minutes.
Ditto for your bad day at work. I am not saying that you have to stifle your feelings and repress yourself, but- you had a bad day at work. AND it was your last day ! Good, so you won't have to deal with their crap anymore and they won't be able to give you any more bad days. Accentuate the positive :).
Also doing a liberal use of other people as a sounding board for our everyday petty grievances may become an act of selfishness....
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (1 October 2016):
No one will ever act in every situation just as you want them to. People are not robots.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 September 2016):
 Getting mad at him just makes the situation worse. Instead next time say please can you just listen as I really need to get this off my chest. He was just trying to cheer you up the best that he could, I think it is harsh calling him selfish.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 September 2016):
 I think he was trying to cheer you up because he KNOWS it's an issue he CAN NOT fix.
Men are often "fixers" and when they can't do that they feel useless. HIS solution was to cheer you up instead.
Just tell him, I know you are trying to cheer me up, but all I need is for you to let me vent.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (30 September 2016):
 I am a very sensitive person and I tend to feel things more than others and read things into situations sometimes BUT I also have a sense of humor and realize that sometimes I really am being a little too sensitive.
I wasn't there so I don't know how things really played out but I would venture to guess that your boyfriend was truly just trying to get you to lighten up a little and thought that if he could get you to laugh, maybe you'd feel better about things. I wouldn't call him selfish.A selfish person wouldn't even have taken the time to listen, would have just blown you off. If anything maybe your boyfriend just isn't perceptive enough to realize when you need a hug, or shoulder to cry on, or for him just to listen.
If you really love the guy, you might just have to tell him "Please don't joke with me right now... just LISTEN". Some people are good at reading others and some people just aren't and need a little help.
My father was person that always tried to bring humor into situations, even bad ones. I learned to appreciate him as I got older and not take him so seriously. He wasn't good with crying and hysterics (there were 3 females in the house) so he always joked. I will always remember the time I was about 14, and took the mini bike out on a trail that was kind of rough and my parents had always warned my sister and I to be careful,not to speed. Well of course I had to do the exact opposite. I went to fast, went over a bump, crashed the mini bike and banged myself up in the process.
I drove the bike back to the house, dirty, knees bleeding and arms scruffed up..trying desperately not to cry. My dad took one look at me and said "Well I wonder if we need to take the mini bike to the hospital? Did it fare better than you?" And I started to laugh and cry at the time same time.He was acknowledging me and yet making me not take things so seriously because obviously I wasn't seriously hurt.
Try talking to your guy if you really dont think he understands you or gives you what you need, maybe he's just not the right guy for you.
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