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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Getting over my GF not being a virgin.
Q. Hello people. I'm a 21 year old guy, I've graduated college, have a cool job, and have been working in a great firm the past 2 years. I was raised in a small town, in a very catholic and conservative family. Nonetheless I'm an agnostic and I n...
A. 14 September 2017: While, of course, men like the anon have any right to tell me what it should be important or not to me, like my virginity or lack of the same, and my obligation ( ? ) to disclose informations about such a personal matter to whomever wants ... (read in full...)
Are we dating or are we friends? Long distance friendship with my ex.
Q. Dear cupid, my boyfriend and I have had a 'thing' or more like dated for just over a year. He has moved away from home to go to boarding school and we made the decision that we would stop dating once he left, we also had decided that we were going ...
A. 12 September 2017: Jeez why making things so complicated when they do not need to be ?!
You were broken up. As in ,no more together. Free agents, who owe nothing to each other, but being civil, out of common courtesy, if they chance into each other.
What's t... (read in full...)
My long distance boyfriend is a bad communicator.
Q. I have been dating a guy for about 7 months. We started out as friends and had known each other for about 4 years, and then began dating. We started out dating close proximity, but then due to work and school, were forced to become long distance. We ...
A. 11 September 2017: I don't underdstand it either, why is it so important that he improves, and I am not trying to be a smartaleck- I actually don't get it.
You say that his love for you is not in doubt amd you do not need reassurance about it. You say that you ... (read in full...)
I think I'd be better off just blocking him from my life
Q. I was recently away on a holiday with a load of other people. I am gay and everyone knows this and am 38 yrs old. Whilst we were away a younger 23 yr old was being friendly with me and then hinted he wanted to come up to chat in my room. Anyhow ...
A. 11 September 2017: Yes, you'd better off blocking him out of your life, there's nothing in this for you.
The young man just wanted to take a little walk on the wild side. Curiosity. Experimentation. Breaking the rules. And all that jazz.
It was a positive... (read in full...)
Getting over my GF not being a virgin.
Q. Hello people. I'm a 21 year old guy, I've graduated college, have a cool job, and have been working in a great firm the past 2 years. I was raised in a small town, in a very catholic and conservative family. Nonetheless I'm an agnostic and I n...
A. 11 September 2017: Right, male anon. Suffering in silence sounds like an excellent option to me, if a person chooses to suffer for things that are none of their business.
Supposing that, I don't know, you are strongly against hair dye and you think ALL peop... (read in full...)
I don't want sex to become a duty!
Q. I have polycystic ovary syndrome. If often means my hormones are all over the place. Sometimes I want sex and sometimes I really don't want sex. But my long term boyfriend naturally has a higher sex drive than me and seems to take it really ...
A. 11 September 2017: That may be a stupid question, but , have you told him what you tell us ? have you explained him what exactly your syndrome is, and which symptoms it entails ? .. As a matter of fact, your bf ( and you ) sort of got lucky, you say that your ... (read in full...)
I 'almost' had a relationship, what's going on, s he being cautious?
Q. I am very confused. An "almost relationship" probably best describes what we were. We were close friends prior to any feelings developing. We were not physically intimate, there was a lot of cuddling and closeness when he invited me over. But he ...
A. 10 September 2017: I think too I have seen this question before, from you or from another OP with a similar story.
Something about a guy who says " you would be just the right one for me, but I am afraid I am not the right one for you "- or other banal vari... (read in full...)
Now that he's abroad he doesn't contact me at all!
Q. Hi, I'm in a strange "relationship" with my colleague and I don't know what to do..One year ago I've got this new job..when i met with my coworker, it was instant chemistry, he always look at me, trying to contact me..but i heard he's a player s...
A. 9 September 2017: I think that you may have been projecting your feelings and hopes on him, and seeng in his attitude toward you what you wanted to see, which was way more than he felt.
I also think that maybe you see things rather in black and White- either he r... (read in full...)
How should this family go about dividing my late Grandmother's jewelry?
Q. My family is dividing my grandmother's jewelery this weekend. The divide is between my mother (daughter), my cousin (granddaughter), me (granddaughter), and my cousin's 15 year old (great-granddaughter). My mom insists that my grandmother told her ...
A. 7 September 2017: No no, Miss Kin - it would be completely illegal for the Grandfather to start giving away as gifts things that do not belong to him, but to an estate of which he is only one of the heirs and not even the main one.
I had not taken into acco... (read in full...)
How should this family go about dividing my late Grandmother's jewelry?
Q. My family is dividing my grandmother's jewelery this weekend. The divide is between my mother (daughter), my cousin (granddaughter), me (granddaughter), and my cousin's 15 year old (great-granddaughter). My mom insists that my grandmother told her ...
A. 7 September 2017: EDIT : I meant " between your Grandfather and your MOTHER " of course !... (read in full...)
How should this family go about dividing my late Grandmother's jewelry?
Q. My family is dividing my grandmother's jewelery this weekend. The divide is between my mother (daughter), my cousin (granddaughter), me (granddaughter), and my cousin's 15 year old (great-granddaughter). My mom insists that my grandmother told her ...
A. 7 September 2017: I take it that your Grandma died without leaving a will.
In this case you should simply check on line your State " intestacy laws " ( laws that regulate the attribution of property from people who dies " intestate " , i.e. without a will ). Foll... (read in full...)
What's with the condoms? Is he lying to me?
Q. Hello, My fiancé and I been together for almost 6 years and about 2 years ago I've found a condom in his jacket pocket and I asked him about it and he told me it was from us from the beginning of us dating. And now I found another condom in his ...
A. 7 September 2017: Suspicious. Let's give him a pass for the first time, and assume that he had been going around 4 years with an old condom in his jacket, without ever noticing it , or without getting around to dispose of it.
But , once you made him notice, rath... (read in full...)
My co-worker is trying to paint me as a bully!
Q. Hi Agony Aunts and Uncles. I work with this girl who is trying to paint me as a Bully. We don't always see eye to eye. She says I pick on her when I have to tell her she is doing something wrong. I don't like being that person. Its because I have a...
A. 7 September 2017: But you ARE bullying her !; unless you have been specifically trained, put in charge of and paid for correcting and criticizing this colleague's performance.
Your job description is a bit vague: " part of my job is monitoring and ensuring etc.... (read in full...)
I'm starting to overanalyze again, I'm afraid of self sabatoge in my relationship?
Q. Due to me making the wrong choices w/the types of guys I date, I always have doubt of his interest in the back of my mind. My bf came from vacation and I have asked to see him. Before anyone tears me into pieces about him being tired, overwhelmed ...
A. 7 September 2017: So I did get some details wrong ( you were the one at work, not he ) but I maintain that you are overreacting.
Of course, just based on this single episode. If he has a track record of blowing you off, neglecting you, standing you up, then... (read in full...)
Getting over my GF not being a virgin.
Q. Hello people. I'm a 21 year old guy, I've graduated college, have a cool job, and have been working in a great firm the past 2 years. I was raised in a small town, in a very catholic and conservative family. Nonetheless I'm an agnostic and I n...
A. 7 September 2017: " Just as she loves me today, she has loved someone else ".
Yes. Precisely. That's how it works, and how it is supposed to work if we don't want 90% of mankind to die of love-related heartbreak. You meet someone, for some reason it does not ... (read in full...)
I'm starting to overanalyze again, I'm afraid of self sabatoge in my relationship?
Q. Due to me making the wrong choices w/the types of guys I date, I always have doubt of his interest in the back of my mind. My bf came from vacation and I have asked to see him. Before anyone tears me into pieces about him being tired, overwhelmed ...
A. 6 September 2017: You are overanalyzing. Or maybe I did not get the timing right !
If the conversation happened this morning and you are going to get together later this evening,... when he was supposed to ask you / see you BEFORE than that , if he works ? " D... (read in full...)
Should I be honest about kissing my friend, or leave it in the past?
Q. I can't tell if I'm over reacting about this situation and I'd really appreciate some insight. Here's a bit of a back story... Late '16, early '17 I met this guy and we really liked one another to the point where we started developing a sem...
A. 6 September 2017: What for ? Stirring up a soap opera out of nothing ?
He is fine with you having kissed another guy, you are fine with him having hooked up with another girl. You were not even together when all this happened. End of story.
Moreover, remember... (read in full...)
Am I just hoping for the best and not wanting to accept reality?
Q. Just in a new relationship and he's moved back home to the south of our country (about 200 miles from me). We decided to just see how things go and he definitely asked me to be his. However, he hardly calls. If he does, It has to be before ...
A. 6 September 2017: Yes.
You have been worried enough about this situation to write us about it a few times; but strangely not enough, ot seems, to ask him WHY exactly do you have to remain a secret for his parents, friends or anybody else.
Did you ask him ... (read in full...)
My fiance refuses to drive 15 minutes to visit me!
Q. I went from single, to now engaged... this took 2 and a half years. But as much as I love her and she is always telling me she loves me I am having some issues... her actions are not lining up with her words. In the past 2.5 years she has co...
A. 5 September 2017: I would like to know how much it is " quite a drive ". ( The 2,5 reported in the title refers to the years of relationship, not to hours of distance ).
Maybe your girlfriend is a nervous, insecure driver which does not like / is afraid to driv... (read in full...)
My girlfriend broke up with me but now wants back
Q. My girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks back but couldn't give me a reason for wanting out. We have been in a gay relationship together for 5 years with many ups and downs and this was just another time of her saying she didn't want the relation...
A. 5 September 2017: I agree with the other posters, yet, regardless of any other possible consideration about trust, emotional affairs etc., I would just focus on what you say in your second sentence.
In 5 years you have had many ups and downs, and this was just... (read in full...)
How do I explain my decision to skip the reunion without bad mouthing the Dean?
Q. When I was in high school (a Catholic school), the Dean of Men was one of the worst people I ever known. He played favorites (if you were one of his favorites, you would never be in trouble no matter what you did but if you were not his favorite, ...
A. 5 September 2017: Why being so politically correct ?
If the Dean f...ed up your life so miserably that, after 20 years !, you can't stand even being in the same room with him, and you have therefore to give up to something good and pleasant, as seeing your... (read in full...)
How do you start a FWB relationship?
Q. Am told I'm a nice looking (60 yo) guy. I still workout daily. Wife and I separated several years ago and soon will make it a formal divorce. I am interested in a FWB relationship with a younger woman (30s, 40s or 50s). I am pretty shy and not ...
A. 5 September 2017: TBH I don't think you are very marketable at least for the specific thing you have in mind.
I doubt there would be many women volunteering for an FWB with a man 15 or 20 or 30 years their senior.
FWBS are always sort of a melancholic thing fo... (read in full...)
How can I let go of the anger I have toward my parents?
Q. How can I make peace with my absuive childhood? My parents were absuvice verbally and physically towards each other - and raised me in that environments - I cannot remember a day of peace - they are way too judgemetnatl - my father is a man that is ...
A. 5 September 2017: Tell us a bit more about this friend in need . Why supporting her befalls on you, can you really afford supporting her, and since/ for how long. How come supporting your friend in need comes in your list of priorities way before taking care of ... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend is going a bit too far
Q. I'm 15 and my boyfriend is 15 too We been together for almost 6 month but sometimes when we just kissing and stuff he grabs my butt and stuff but in the beginning I would always take his hands away from my butt but know I kind of got use to it and s...
A. 5 September 2017: I agree with the other poster : say no and mean no.
In fact, I think you need to be a bit more assertive, and to put your foot down. Tell him in no uncertain terms that next time he tries to push your boundaries,- there will be no more making out ... (read in full...)
What's the future for me as the other woman?
Q. I am in a relationship with a wonderful man who I love and he loves me. We are very happy however I am "the other woman", even though our relationship is serious and we've been together for like 3 years, because he's cheated on his current/previous ...
A. 4 September 2017: Quite possibly.
But not because " once a cheater, always a cheater " ( although, as another poster mentions, there are studies supporting this theory ).
Just because he's not that into you. He does not like you THAT much. Sooner or later, y... (read in full...)
A fight, zero contact for 3 weeks. He should apologize, not me. What should I do?
Q. I left my BF 3 weeks ago after a fight. There's been zero contact since I left. I haven't contacted him and he hasn't contacted me. Yes, I'm the one who left, however he was the one who was in the wrong and should apologize. I'm not sure how to ...
A. 4 September 2017: You should take this silence as pretty normal ; YOU left him, signaling that your relationship was over , therefore any need for communication totally optional and quite possibly superfluous and undesirable for either party or both.
No surp... (read in full...)
Boy likes girl but girl does drugs and isn't over her ex
Q. To quote "arrested development" ..."I've made a huge mistake" Sooo I'm going to give you the cliff notes version of the last couple months. Boy meets girl. They start sleeping with each other. Boy likes girl way more than he should and falls head ...
A. 3 September 2017: The long and the short of this is that : girl is a cokehead. Boy is not. Never the twain shall meet. It's two different worlds which do not mesh , and you should not strive to make them mesh. So , it should not even take the 20 minutes you are ... (read in full...)
We're on an experimental break for two weeks given the LDR and my gf seems fine but I'm miserable and paranoid that I'm going to lose her
Q. Sorry for asking again so soon, I just have nobody to talk to anymore and my problems are bothering me a bit. My life's in a focal point right now and I need blunt non friend and family advice.Thanks. Long story short my Girlfriend for over 1 and a ...
A. 3 September 2017: Your GF had a stupid idea. What's a two weeks break supposed to accomplish ? To see if you are going to miss each other ? well, of course you are going to miss each other, if you liked each other enough before the break ! No big revelation here . ... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't want sex as often as I do
Q. What do i do? I am a married man in my late fifties, who has a very healthy normal sex drive...my wife, who i love, is healthy and the same age as me can go more a week without showing ANY inte...
A. 3 September 2017: If your wife is in your age range she is peri-menopausal, or post-menopausal, so you have your " why " in spades.
Hormonal changes, and the physical and psychological discomfort they cause, varies widely and affect some women much more, and ... (read in full...)
I told him 10pm was too late for dinner and now he won't speak to me
Q. Dear Cupid; I met a man on-line, he asked me to meet him at a nearby restaurant/bar at 9:00, he then changed the time to 9:15. I texted him when I got there never got a reply. I waited for 15 minutes and as I was getting ready to leave when he ...
A. 3 September 2017: Who eats dinner at 10 ?... Oh plenty of people , as for that :)
In Spain, Italy, South of France,for instance ,10 p.m. is still seen as a reasonable time to have dinner, particularly eating out at restaurants, and in the summer period. But even... (read in full...)
If I was doing something really annoying or inappropriate, would she have made it more obvious?
Q. I apologise if I have posted this one already as I tried a couple of forums to get a little advice as I'm a bit shy to ask my friends. So me and a female friend have started having sex. We talked about it long and hard before trying it for the firs...
A. 1 September 2017: First, let me say how I am always half amused, half amazed by all the " rules " that you young people seem to have about FWB. It's like there's a rigid sexual etiquette code, going by which you can do only do certain things with a regular ... (read in full...)
Why does my married lover not admit how he feels about me? And keeps changing his words?
Q. Can anyone here help me to make sense of my married lover's words? Why did he tell me he loves me? Then the next time he says he likes me. Then he says he likes me a lot. Then the next time he says he adores me. And the next time after that, it's...
A. 1 September 2017: Female reader anonymous of Sept.1st ) Oh I don't mean that been outed in front of his family for his indiscretions would not serve the old billygoat just right. Actions have consequences, negative actions have negative consequences, and he knows ... (read in full...)
Why does my married lover not admit how he feels about me? And keeps changing his words?
Q. Can anyone here help me to make sense of my married lover's words? Why did he tell me he loves me? Then the next time he says he likes me. Then he says he likes me a lot. Then the next time he says he adores me. And the next time after that, it's...
A. 31 August 2017: Double wow. I am like Honeypie, I don't get it.
It makes no sense.
Wait- I do get infatuation, I get being in love, I get sexual obsession, I get emotional addiction ,and all that.
But: you can't get a regular job because you have to be a... (read in full...)
Is it ladylike to show cleavage?
Q. Do you think its ladylike to show cleavage?!? i have never showed my cleavage. Do u thinks its fine to show cleavage? ...
A. 31 August 2017: It can be. It depends. From many variables: the occasion, the place , the dress, your attitude, your physique, and how much exactly you show.
Just yesterday I saw on TV a documentary about Lady Diana 's life and it showed her also wear... (read in full...)
Tempted not to take part in an activity because HE will be there!
Q. My love interest and I have known each for years through a walking group but we have never dated due to a communication breakdown. Recently we have started to become closed again. It could possible go somewhere but he is a cautious as the last few ...
A. 31 August 2017: There's surely something in what WiseOwlE says but as for me I think it may be even simpler :
- have you ever thought that perhaps these unassertive men are in fact assertive enough - with the women they really like ?
Someone who is shy, ... (read in full...)
Why does my married lover not admit how he feels about me? And keeps changing his words?
Q. Can anyone here help me to make sense of my married lover's words? Why did he tell me he loves me? Then the next time he says he likes me. Then he says he likes me a lot. Then the next time he says he adores me. And the next time after that, it's...
A. 31 August 2017: He tells you different things , because he is married. And when one wants to eat his cake and keep it too, i.e. when he wants to maintain the status quo of having a spouse and also another woman on the side , he can't afford to tell it as it ... (read in full...)
Why are people so impersonal? My friends don't care
Q. Is it ok to only see friends every 2-12 months? Have only 5 "friends" who are well liked in their job, busy,work, (I work too!!) one is married with kids, they all have better friends, family neaby, and a good life so only have time for coffee o...
A. 31 August 2017: Maybe it's time to make new friends ...
If you see these people a couple of times a year, and in a rather impersonal atmosphere, personally, I would file them under acquaintances, not friends- and I would adjust my expectations acco... (read in full...)
Tempted not to take part in an activity because HE will be there!
Q. My love interest and I have known each for years through a walking group but we have never dated due to a communication breakdown. Recently we have started to become closed again. It could possible go somewhere but he is a cautious as the last few ...
A. 29 August 2017: Haven't you answered your question yourself ?
" I want to go regardless as I enjoy walking even if he is there or not ".
Then go.
You belong to the same walking group, so ,I suppose ,a group that was founded in the intent that its members ... (read in full...)
I had a crush on her but didn't want to be her boyfriend, I want to be her bestie!
Q. hi,the thing is that i had crush on a girl. we both are in the same school. i saw her in the school corridor before the vacations. she was the bestie of my friend's gf. i contacted my friend's gf and got my crush's number. i contacted her and we ...
A. 29 August 2017: You told her you have a crush on her and this may have confused her or given mixed signals. A crush means that you like her romantically, not simply as a friend- that you are attracted to her as MORE than a regular friend.
As a matter of fact... (read in full...)
My LDR says we are just prolonging the inevitable end.
Q. I have been in an LDR for 8 years, and in that 8 years, we have only been physically together for a total time of 3 months on 4 occasions. The rest of the time has been spent talking almost daily on video skype and various chat apps. In recent...
A. 29 August 2017: Unluckily , he is right.
How do you presume to make this thing work, if he refuses to leave his country and you refuse to join him there ? You may have excellent reasons for not moving there ( lack of work you could do is a very good reas... (read in full...)
I want my LDR boyfriend to tell his parents about me before we go any further.
Q. So I'm in this DLR with a guy I've known about 7 months. When he was last up, things got heated and we both pleased each other using our hands which was fine. I'm a virgin and he knows this. He also knows he's the first guy I've really done anyt...
A. 29 August 2017: I think I remember that you posted before about this and that you have already been told that no, you are not silly in not wanting to be kept a secret. In fact, if any, you are being silly in disregarding this obvious red flag.
Why shou... (read in full...)
Break-up, Make-Up Cycle and After a Loving Weekend, He Hasn't Called. Why?
Q. I recently left my boyfriend two weeks ago, and now we aren't talking. My purpose in leaving wasn't necessarily to break up,but because I wasn't going to tolerate the verbal and emotional abuse. He can be extremely controlling and gonon tirades. ...
A. 29 August 2017: You should thank your lucky star ! that, albeit involuntarily, you got rid of an abusive relationship. This guy sounds unhinged and , rather than musing over the why of his threatening and berating you, it's more practical and intelligent if you ... (read in full...)
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