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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Any suggestions on how to gain the attention of this gorgeous Turkish girl when I return to Turkey for another vacation?
Q. Hi people I'm a college student from France. So I want to share my story with you all and hopefully find a solution. A couple friends and I went on vacation to Turkey 2 weeks ago, and I met this gorgeous Turkish girl. I've never seen anything li...
A. 12 June 2017: Not to rain on your parade, but , if you have already tried to send her textS, plural, and she never answers, maybe she is not overly interested, and SHE is the one who wants to keep it at a cute little holiday conversation !
Turkish girl... (read in full...)
He says he wants to be friends but to be patient. Is he playing games with me?
Q. When I was 22, I was in a very serious relationship. After his father died, he broke up with me. We didnt speak for a number of years. We both married other people, and had children. We found each other again, I was divorced, he was happily married, ...
A. 12 June 2017: He said he just wants to be friends- but you met twice and both times you " became romantic " ? Which, I guess , means sexually intimate ?
Uhm. I smell a big fat rat here. People should say what they mean, and mean what they say. If for the time... (read in full...)
Is it right for me to settle for this man?
Q. I am dating this guy he is a friend who has loved me for years. I love him as a person but am not sexually attracted to him. I have a list of reasons for staying and a list for leaving I want people's opinions: staying: He really likes me a...
A. 12 June 2017: No. Let him go.
1 ) Isn't your dilemma quite selfish ? You are not in love with this guy and you are not physically attracted to him, but you'd marry him because you really want a child and it's sort of late in the day ( not as late as you thin... (read in full...)
Upset because I was not included on a night out
Q. If you were not invited to a work social event and 3/4 the rest of your female colleagues were would you feel left out? It was a one colleague's 24th birthday, and later that same day another colleague's, who is 29, hens/bachellorette dinner. Pic...
A. 12 June 2017: You said it yourself : we cannot like all our colleagues or be bffs with all !
It sounds as if you are disappointed because you think you SHOULD have been invited, but , from how you describe your interactions ar work , maybe your expe... (read in full...)
I did not choose the dress my boyfriend loved. Did I make a mistake?
Q. Hi. I took my boyfriend shopping. He is one of the rare guys who enjoys shopping with his girlfriend. He likes to help me find clothes and watches me as I try them on and always gives me his honest opinion. Yesterday we were out shopping...
A. 7 June 2017: I don't know about Canada, but I strongly doubt that in Western Europe you may have seen at weddings many , or even a few, black ball gowns with an " open back " and a " plunging neckline " !
The point it's not that it is a formal, even... (read in full...)
My partner for 3 years loves me. Would it be wrong to take a chance with another man who I've loved for 27 years?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have recently been contacted by the man I've been in love with for 27 years. There are songs I couldn't listen to, our anniversary date that I still hold dear to my heart. I hadn't laid eyes on him in 18 years and that one time wa...
A. 7 June 2017: You are right in being afraid to make the wrong decision. I do not read minds, nor the future, but from how it looks... it all looks too flimsy for leaving a wonderful man who adores you and an easy and peaceful life.
I mean, talk is chea... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't like blow jobs! Am I doing it wrong?
Q. I know this may sound odd, but my husband hates blowjobs. We've been together 8 years now, married for 2 and it's always been the same since I've known him, he's never enjoyed me going down on him. I have only ever gave 1 guy a blowjob before h...
A. 7 June 2017: Yes I think he told you the truth.
It's not the majority, but I know , and I know of, a few men who don't particularly like BJs and don't find them pleasurabe / exciting , for a variety of reasons.
Same as, they may not be the majority... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to get upset with my boyfriend when he doesn't text me in the morning? He used to text me constantly.
Q. Is it wrong that I get upset with my boyfriend when he doesnt text me in the morning? We've been together for nine months and he used to constantly text me, always send good morning and goodnight texts. We haven't been texting as much for the last...
A. 7 June 2017: It is asking too much when you ask it to someone who does not really care.
He does not seem too bothered with pursuing you or making you happy or whatnot, he is leaving the relationship maintenance work all for you to do. This must mean some... (read in full...)
Feeling confused. What is happening to me? I had sex with him and I'm not over him yet. Even though my feelings for him are fading.
Q. Hello, I'm 17 going on 18 and I am a little confused about my feelings towards a guy. In a nut shell, we've been friends for a while, things got flirty, he hung out a few times, I lost my virginity to him, we decided to stay friends to avoid th...
A. 6 June 2017: That's why having sex with a friend sounds good in theory... and in practice never works :)
because a friend for whom you have romantic / erotic feelings ( at least, enough to go to bed with him ) is NOT a friend: he is, in the back of your mind... (read in full...)
Is my perfectionist boyfriend overly critical of my looks? Or am I oversensitive?
Q. My bf used to think my looks were perfect. But he seems to put me down lately. Like he doesn't like a birth mark on my nose. I can't control that. He tells me that my body is perfect for a woman my age but that I am not 20 anymore. He sa...
A. 6 June 2017: A bit of both.
On one hand, he is right. It is what is . You probably were a 10 in your 20's, and now that you are 30 you are a 9.5.I'd say you are lucky, if you keep losing "points" at this slow rythm, you'll still be a very attractive octu... (read in full...)
Advice please? I'm 17, doing my A levels, and I really want to have a baby.
Q. I'm only 17 but I am really wanting to have a baby. I've been with my amazing, supportive boyfriend for coming up to 2 years and he's everything to me. I'm currently having a really hard time at sixth form with my A levels, and have had to chan...
A. 6 June 2017: How kind of you to bestow on your loving families the privilege to support you and your baby,and let them expend a profusion of money, time, and physical energies on helping a couple of kids to raise another kid. They could, and should, have ... (read in full...)
What should I do? A shower get with sparkly elements for men? What could be the explanation?
Q. Hi there guys/gals My boyfriend who I have a long distance relationship came around although asked me to run him a bath whilst on the way. When he arrived I made him a cup of tea so he sat on the bed to drink it before he had his bath. I coul...
A. 5 June 2017: Fatherly Advice : brilliant !! You solved the mystery !
Snake Peel- it would be a scrub, basically, right ?
Now, a scrub needs to contain a ( mildly ) abrasive agent.
If you prepare your own homemade scrub, you can use, say, almond oil ... (read in full...)
We went on 5 dates in the past. How should I view his reaction, yesterday?
Q. Yesterday I bumped into the guy I went on a few dates with( 5 dates) a few months ago. It were only 5 dates but it lasted almost 2 months because he was abroad and rarely could see each other. I called after him and he saw me, smiled very happily...
A. 5 June 2017: You should see it like the normal, average reaction of someone who is NOT partucularly happy to see you and at the same time wants to be smooth, casual, and debonair. He does not want to stir up any drama nor wants that this chance encounter ... (read in full...)
What should I do? A shower get with sparkly elements for men? What could be the explanation?
Q. Hi there guys/gals My boyfriend who I have a long distance relationship came around although asked me to run him a bath whilst on the way. When he arrived I made him a cup of tea so he sat on the bed to drink it before he had his bath. I coul...
A. 5 June 2017: I think his explanation is perfectly plausible, there are many unisex bodywashes and liquid soaps which have, maybe not exactly glitter in them, but something shiny or shimmery. Just to look more appealing, I guess. If he did not rinse / dry ... (read in full...)
He used to like me, tells people he doesn't like me, but does he?
Q. I'm 15 and talking to this guy I've had a crush on for this whole year. He used to like me but doesn't anymore apparently. I was out with friends the other night and when they were picking me up at my house the guy I like said I looked hot asf, my ...
A. 5 June 2017: No, he does not.
He likes the convenient opportunity for fun and games that you naively provide him by accepting to " talk dirty and whatever " to him. That, he likes, I bet.
OP, you are young and inexperienced, so I am not scolding you, but... (read in full...)
Why would a man of his age want to have an affair with a much younger woman?
Q. I am married and now having an affair with a man who told me he 70, but I did abackground check and hes 82!! My guess is he did not want to reveal his real age because I would have said no way. I really like him. I just think it's strange that a ...
A. 5 June 2017: Why is it strange ? Might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb ! And if Viagra gives you a helping hand, why not get the youngest / hottest that you can get. I don't think I am saying something sexist and ageist if I say that normally a ... (read in full...)
I went away with my boyfriend but now that we're back home, I feel like he's tired of me
Q. My boyfriend and I went away on a mini vacation for four days together. We both had such a fun time. It's a drag to be back home to be honest. On the car ride back, my boyfriend was feeling down because the trip was coming to an end. I felt down ...
A. 5 June 2017: I side with the boyfriend too :). You don't need to take this personally, as if he is tired of you. He is not, I am sure, but lots of people ( including me ) may very well love you to bits AND after 4 dsys of full immersion 24 / 7 just need / want ... (read in full...)
Would you stay with a guy who doesn't think you are a "vital" part of his life???
Q. Would you be with a guy who knows he is a vital part of your life but he tells you that you are NOT a vital part of his???...
A. 5 June 2017: Personally, I don't think that, even at your age, I would have felt or said that a bf was a " vital " part of my life.
Not because I am more cynical than the average person ( well, maybe just a teensy weensy bit:) - but because I love words and ... (read in full...)
I did not choose the dress my boyfriend loved. Did I make a mistake?
Q. Hi. I took my boyfriend shopping. He is one of the rare guys who enjoys shopping with his girlfriend. He likes to help me find clothes and watches me as I try them on and always gives me his honest opinion. Yesterday we were out shopping...
A. 5 June 2017: Perhaps a sartorial mistake ?:)- now you are going to hate me but tbh, at least here in my little , but very fashion savvy- neck in the woods , your choice would be cause for perplexity.
The jury is very much split about wearing black at wedd... (read in full...)
We've been dating for 5 years. Why does he need so much attention from other women?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 5 years. Throughout the relationship I have caught him engaging in online flirtation. He signs up for dating sites to chat with women, and he uses Facebook to chat with multiple women (sometimes the ...
A. 4 June 2017: What a bullshit excuse ! If that were true, then 30 millions of Italians ( all the male population of Italy ) would be ALL cheaters and female attention seekers, because here EVERY child gets fussed about a lot ( too much, if you ask me ) not ... (read in full...)
What are his intentions if he messages me everyday?
Q. Basically, I have been talking to this guy for 4 months now everyday. We met over an app and I asked if there was anything else I could talk to him on, he asked to add me on facebook and he added me on snapchat. Without a beat, we text everyday; he ...
A. 4 June 2017: I guess it's all relative :)....I suppose that in our fast times of instant ( and ever changing ) connection, instant sex, instant everything,... 4 months may sound like a long time , particularly at your age :). To me, it does not sound like a ... (read in full...)
What are his intentions if he messages me everyday?
Q. Basically, I have been talking to this guy for 4 months now everyday. We met over an app and I asked if there was anything else I could talk to him on, he asked to add me on facebook and he added me on snapchat. Without a beat, we text everyday; he ...
A. 2 June 2017: His intentions are to kill time , have a pleasant passtime, and enjoy a mild flirtation that makes him feel adventurous, appreciated and like he's got game... without the actual hassle and responsibilities and complications of having a real ... (read in full...)
She agrees to a threesome when drunk but not when she's sober)
Q. Ok... So my wife and I have discussed threesomes with another woman and she has accepted as long as I dont participate, in other words not really a threesome just voyeurism on my part, which i'm totally cool with, but I would also like for her to ...
A. 24 May 2017: Don't approach it, then .This is YOUR fantasy only. She said " no ". ... (read in full...)
How can I cope with my sexual frustration? Masturbating seems my only option. How can I feel better about myself?
Q. I'm 26yrs old and have accomplished nothing. I failed college, don't have a job, and I am a virgin. I feel that I am a hopeless disgrace with no future or anything of value. My problem is that I am sexually frustrated but feel like I have noth...
A. 23 May 2017: Wait wait wait.
First of all, you are not trash. Don't ever say that.
Nobody is trash. Convicted felons are not trash. Homeless persons and panhandlers are not trash. Illitterate immigrants from Thirld world countries are not trash.
Most ... (read in full...)
I think I made a mistake in getting married to him as I don't think I can accept his culture and all the family involvement. What should I do?
Q. I am a vey independent woman who likes a lot of space and I do not like being told what to do. I rarely see my own family as I am busy with my life and they with theirs. My husband comes from Egypt and would like me to go and live there but I don'...
A. 23 May 2017: First ,maybe you should think long and hard if you really want to be married with him- or if you really want to be married, full stop- regardless of the logistics , and of the culture clash.
I mean, I don't find anything strange in the fact... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and I know my partner will want me to get an abortion
Q. Hi I'm very worried. Iv just found out I'm pregnant, I know my partner does not want any, we have two children already. I'm not sure what to do, he will want me to have an abortion but I don't believe in them. iv not yet told him, I don't know how...
A. 22 May 2017: Why would he tell you " normally " to do pregnanacy tests ?! Don't you use birth control ? Knowing that he does not want chidren and all ? ( Yes, I know that birth control may fail you ...once in a blue moon... but not " normally " ! ).
Anyw... (read in full...)
Help me sort this mees out
Q. I deserve to be blamed. I got divorce 4 years ago. My life was good just always I felt something is missing. Every time I was seeing couples holding hands it was catching my attention . I got divorce which I regret it today. It didn't worth the ...
A. 22 May 2017: As flattering as it must be to have 3 different men competing to win you over, unless you thrive on the ego bust and related drama, and you want to keep it going- then there's actually not much to be puzzled about and not many alternatives to ... (read in full...)
What are the rules for family visiting when we are separated but still living under the same roof?
Q. My husband has recently said he wants a divorce after I started sleeping in another bedroom for comfort reasons after my breast cancer and mastectomy last year. He says he is sick of being the provider and is angry that I haven't yet gone back to ...
A. 22 May 2017: I'd keep it simple. I'd be flexible and just do what is more practical and effective, i.e. just removing myself from the premises and go spend a few hours at the library or at the mall or at a friend's place , etc. while these people are ... (read in full...)
He says he wants a child and gets upset when I give my reasons for why it doesn't work for me now!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 months now and he just brought up wanting a baby with me. I've had an abortion in a past relationship. We are both still in college and as much as I want a kid I just don't see it as a good time to have one ...
A. 22 May 2017: What ? You both are in college, you have been dating all of 3 months, and he brings up having a baby ?! And he gets upset when you nix the plan ?!
I bet you find this cute. Endearing.
It's not. If he is kidding, he's an idiot. And if he is se... (read in full...)
She agrees to a threesome when drunk but not when she's sober)
Q. Ok... So my wife and I have discussed threesomes with another woman and she has accepted as long as I dont participate, in other words not really a threesome just voyeurism on my part, which i'm totally cool with, but I would also like for her to ...
A. 22 May 2017: Since your wife (hopefully ! ) spends much more time being sober than being drunk, I would assume that no, she does not want to do it.
I don't care if when she is drunk she is more open to your suggestions. You take this as a sign that " deep... (read in full...)
Help me with this family situation, my father thinks I'm avoiding an event!
Q. I have a difficult situation with my over 65 yr old parents Need advice please My parents live in another state that is a 1hour plane flight away I visit once a year and they come to my state, once a year to visit and and we talk on phone sometim...
A. 21 May 2017: Anon female reader of May 21st- I don't think that anybody here suggested that the OP should just took up and leave without her bosses' permission and against their wishes . We just got the feeling that she did not even ASK, since she was only ... (read in full...)
Is my ex a manipulator?
Q. Hi All, I would like some advice on a person I stopped seeing recently and whether she sounds like a manipulator or I am thinking too much into things. We split up after about 18 months and we went no contact, I was doing fine and then she deci...
A. 19 May 2017: I don't know, OP. I don't know her. Maybe she is- or maybe not. Maybe just egocentric.
Narcissism is the pursuit of gratication out of vanity ot egotistic admiration of one's own abilities.
Egocentrism is an inability to understand or to assum... (read in full...)
My LDR boyfriend wants to try to have a baby but we would still be long distance after the baby was born.
Q. hi guys and girls, i need some advice, i cant wrap my head around a situation what could happen. Me and my long distance relationship have been talking about the future, ( before I go into too much detail, we have been together over a year and a ha...
A. 19 May 2017: I'd have an issue with being long distance as it is - apparently , for an undisclosed length of time ? - even before than with becoming a single mother !
If this is what you want to be , cool. Being a single parent is not everybody's cup ... (read in full...)
Does this look like a deeper relationship?
Q. I've had a FWB about 6 months now. We casually meet every other week, do our thing, split ways and just chat via messages the rest of the time. Lately, when I go to his house, he wants me to spend all night, go out to the movies, go eat, he kisse...
A. 19 May 2017: Yes and not.
There are bad news and there are good news :) ( this, assuming, which maybe is not the case, that you WANT this relationship to become deeper)
The bad news is that a person's sexual behaviour in a casual relationship is never a ... (read in full...)
Why's my teacher acting so cold?
Q. My favourite teacher in the whole world is my art teacher. He's 30 so he's younger and is able to connect with certain students really well. He's the type of person who can make stupid or rude remarks that make you laugh, but he'll only do this ...
A. 19 May 2017: This teacher is young.. but he is still a teacher and , I imagine, he is not stupid. He knows all about schoolgirls crushing on their teachers, and, I agree with Honeypie, I think that he realized you are reading way too much into what he says ... (read in full...)
Do many females masturbate ? I feel ashamed when I do so.
Q. Do lots of girls/ladies masterbate? I get so paranoid that I'm abnormal for doing it because my friends never talk about it and sometimes someone will make a comment that it's more of a boy thing and I'll feel ashamed. ...
A. 18 May 2017: Of course lots of women masturbate . It's another gender , not another species. The sexual urges, wants and needs are the same.
What might be different, slightly a bit more of a " boy thing " is maybe frequency. Stats say that 88% percent of m... (read in full...)
My crush is suddenly avoiding me!
Q. I met my personal trainer end of March 2017 and immediately we clicked. We had so much fun together we would laugh all the time. He inspired me to push harder and even to go to the gym. Sometimes he would touch me in an unusual flirtatious way (but ...
A. 18 May 2017: Probably because he got upbraided by the gym's owner / management for letting you train with him for free. If he is an employee- he is incredibly lucky that they did not fire him ( but you may be sure he has been really chewed out ). But even if ... (read in full...)
Help me with this family situation, my father thinks I'm avoiding an event!
Q. I have a difficult situation with my over 65 yr old parents Need advice please My parents live in another state that is a 1hour plane flight away I visit once a year and they come to my state, once a year to visit and and we talk on phone sometim...
A. 18 May 2017: I agree with N)!- why do you have to ask for a sick day ?
Why do you have to " wrangle " a day off ?
Don't you have personal days ? Don't you have regular vacation days ? Why can't you take a day off your yearly vacation ?
Did you at least... (read in full...)
We've become really close and he likes me ... but he has a girlfriend!
Q. So, I've been friends with this guy for about 5 months now. Yet, somehow, I can't remember much of my life before our friendship. We've become really close. He has admitted to liking me but we never actually got together because he had a girlfriend. ...
A. 18 May 2017: Yes, another vote for " testing the waters ". I believe the " plan " could entail something more than a hug, in time if not on the spot, if you had had a warmer reaction to his hug offer.
What should you do , knowing etc.?.... You should reme... (read in full...)
I'm worried how rude the nurses will be
Q. Im going into hospital tomorrow for a minor procedure and the nurses are known to be nasty, what can i do? Am staying overnight and on the ward im going to overnight on the nurses are well known to be sarcastic and cold... I have spoken to s...
A. 18 May 2017: Hold your horses, OP ! I am not judging or questioning anybody for having to undergo surgery or for not having tons of friends or not having a " perfect life ". Nobody has a perfect life, and, just to assure you that I am not spouting nonsense, ... (read in full...)
I'm worried how rude the nurses will be
Q. Im going into hospital tomorrow for a minor procedure and the nurses are known to be nasty, what can i do? Am staying overnight and on the ward im going to overnight on the nurses are well known to be sarcastic and cold... I have spoken to s...
A. 17 May 2017: I am perplexed, I don't quite understand what you mean.
A hospital is not a hotel, you do not get to pick and choose how long you want to stay. Least of all, in an NHS system !
If your procedure is routinely carried out in day hospital... (read in full...)
Is my ex a manipulator?
Q. Hi All, I would like some advice on a person I stopped seeing recently and whether she sounds like a manipulator or I am thinking too much into things. We split up after about 18 months and we went no contact, I was doing fine and then she deci...
A. 16 May 2017: Yes, your explanation is a possibility. " Dog in the manger syndrome " is very frequent. They don't want you- but when they see you don't want THEM, and / or you start wanting someone else... then they want you again.
But personally, and cons... (read in full...)
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