A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So I'm in this DLR with a guy I've known about 7 months. When he was last up, things got heated and we both pleased each other using our hands which was fine.I'm a virgin and he knows this. He also knows he's the first guy I've really done anything with. Now I do want to have sex with him but I stopped myself last time because I feared it would be too sore. (As it was a little with his finger). Also I feared he would have sex with me and then not bother with me after that and the relationship would end.Another thing I fear is that something goes wrong and I end up pregnant...i know it sounds silly but things happen Also, he isn't telling anyone about me. Like he hasn't told his parents so calling each other is difficult as I work during the day (which is when his parents are away too) and we sometimes get to talk for 30 minutes if that. Am I being stupid for wanting him to tell them about me...I tend to over think everything so I don't know if I am just being a bit silly it not. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 August 2017):
 I think I remember that you posted before about this and that you have already been told that no, you are not silly in not wanting to be kept a secret. In fact, if any, you are being silly in disregarding this obvious red flag.
Why should he wait for his parents to be away for calling you ? What reason did he give you ?
I mean, life is weird nowadays , and you hear them all. If his parents are ISIS supporters, who , knowing that their son has a Western, Christian gf , ( if such you are ) , would go after her and have her house bombed - then of course he would want to protect you . But , short of something as dramatic and peculiar- if he keeps you hidden and can't even give you a call , you can bet there's something fishy going on. Like, maybe he has already a fiancee' or serious relationship there back home, one of which his parents are aware , and he does not want them to know about his girl on the side.
Have you asked him WHY his parents are not supposed to know ? Did his answer ring true and make sense to you ?
Clear very well the " secret " part first . Once this is done to your satisfaction, THEN you can start thinking about contracception and having sex etc.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (28 August 2017):
 You shouldn't be a secret, so you should wait until you've met/spoken to his parents.
As for sex, lots of lube is needed to avoid soreness, where possible. You should also be on birth control, so see your doctor. Never allow a guy to have sex with you without condoms - no condom, no sex! The reason you should be on birth control too (for over a month before having sex) is so that there's more contraception preventing pregnancy, in case the condom breaks or is tampered with.
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A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (28 August 2017):
You are not being silly, you need to feel safer being in a relationship with him. If he does not tell his parents, means that he is not serious about you.
On my case, I took 2 years to tell my parents about my GF because I have toxic parents, and on my particular case, sh*t hit the fan due to that. My irrational fears materialized and became a reality.
But I honestly don't think your BF has that kind of problems for not telling them about you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2017): I should have mentioned that we met when he was up here. So we have seen each other a few times. But due to financial circumstances he had to move back home.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (27 August 2017):
 I think you are right to be cautious. Why does he feel the need to keep you a secret? I assume you have never been to visit him in his home? Is it possible he is already in a relationship at home, even married? That is my gut feeling because, assuming he is not under-age, why would he have to hide having a conversation with you from his parents? Are you sure it is not his wife/partner he is having to hide this from?
Please don't have sex with him until you know EXACTLY who is he is and what his personal circumstances are. Ask to visit him at HIS home. If he really does live with his parents, this will be the ideal opportunity for him to introduce you.
Also, if you were sore just from him using his fingers on you, then either he is being very rough or he did not wait for you to be sufficiently turned on before sticking fingers anywhere.
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