A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Just in a new relationship and he's moved back home to the south of our country (about 200 miles from me).We decided to just see how things go and he definitely asked me to be his. However, he hardly calls. If he does, It has to be before 5 as he doesn't call when his parents are around. I don't get home until about 4 maybe 4:30 so it's not long He hasn't told anyone about me. When we do talk, he sometimes just asks for pictures and all that.He hopes to be back up here (closer to me ) in a year but his lack of commitment and communication makes me feel upset daily Am I just hoping for the best and not wanting to accept reality. That perhaps this isn't going to work. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TrueLoveWaits2016  +, writes (7 September 2017):
To also answer your question; yes you are hoping for the best and I can understand why. I have learned when dating, you need to accept reality. The reality here is he doesn't communicate or make any effort w/you. You deserve way better.
A
female
reader, TrueLoveWaits2016 +, writes (7 September 2017):
You are not even close to being on the list of his priorities. You def do not want to be w/a guy like that, not trying to be negative, but I was in a similar situation and I was miserable. I made every excuse in the book for this guy not texting or calling me (we were long distance as well). He didn't work or go to school, so he had all the time in the world. Communication is key in any relationship. He does what he wants and he does not care for you. I met my current bf (close distance) and a complete change. He calls and texts all the time despite us living in the same city and seeing each other several times a week.Personally I would move on. Talking to him may make his habits change for a short while, but the situation will go always go back to being one sided.
...............................
A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (6 September 2017):
Yes, LDR relationships are HARD AS HELL, and talking 30 minutes a day it's not too long, but not too little though.If you don't see him that interested into you, and not telling anyone about you, it could be red flags in there.If you don't SEE or FEEL like he is putting all the weight to stay in touch with you or telling his feelings for you every day, then it's probably a bad idea to stick with him.However, if you see he is really interested in you, and says every day how he feels about you, then it would be OK to stick around longer.Best luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 September 2017):
 He is using you and I cannot see why you are not able to see that?! Stop sending him pictures, if they are nude pictures they could end up on the internet have you thought off that? The best thing to do here is to tell him it is over. It won't work being apart a whole year, especially if he is making no effort. You are a secret because maybe he already has someone special in his life. He is obviously just calling you daily to keep receiving the pictures.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 September 2017):
 Honestly? I call bullshit on his excuse.
Does he live in a one room house with his parents? If not why can't he talk when they are home? And why not tell people about this AMAZING girl he met up North?
The fact that he puts in MINIMUM effort yet still expect dirty pictures etc.... It's not a good sign. He "can't" talk to you but he still wants the "goodies"... think about it.
So first of all, NO more pictures. Save naughty pics for someone you have been IN a relationship with for a LONG time and who is in it for the long haul.
Second of all, pull back from making all the effort. See if he steps up and makes a REAL effort.
Thirdly, DECIDE whether YOU want to WAIT around for a whole year or not. For some, an LDR just doesn't work. The fact that it's up in the air whether he will even BE back up North next year or anytime does complicate things.
If he is in his 20's I can't understand why he can't talk to you on the phone while living with his parents. I have teenagers in the house and they will have GROUP Skype calls with several friends (no BF's though) ANYWHERE in the house. As a parent, I sometimes have to tell them to go to their rooms and have these VERY noisy chats. So why can't he go to his room and talk to you from there? Besides he can still TEXT, right? (not that texting is a good way to keep a relationship going but a message here and their in-between calls might feel nice.)
You said it's a new relationship, so you two met and then soon after he moved back home. Sounds more like a "summer fling". Not saying it can't BE more. However, it won't if he doesn't start to make more of an effort.
So yes, I'd try and pull back a little to see if he picks up the slack. IF he does, good. Then have a chat and tell him what you would LIKE to see happening. Such as if we can't call daily, how about a weekly "Skype date". Take turns make some plans for it. Like, suggest a movie for you BOTH to watch (that way you have something to TALK about on that Skype date). If he does want to make a REAL go at it - how about figuring out how to plan a visit, maybe you two can meet up half ways? ETC.
If he doesn't pick up the slack but KEEPS asking for naughty pics then you know, he isn't really interested in more than keeping you strung along and delivering some pictures for his spank-bank.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2017): I can imagine you are just a young person still
at school and you get in around 4.30pm.
This guy is not who he days he is and you are pretending to us that you are older.
You keep this a secret but you know this is dangerous.
He wants you to think it is romantic but it is not.
Think carefully about this.
His intentions are devious but he is scared of getting caught.
You are the potential victim and he is buttering you up until he can do what he wants with you!
Somehow you have forgotton that your life is precious.
The guy is a creep. A dirty piece of work.
Drop him and tell someone about him so that you can become safe again.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 September 2017):
 Yes.
You have been worried enough about this situation to write us about it a few times; but strangely not enough, ot seems, to ask him WHY exactly do you have to remain a secret for his parents, friends or anybody else.
Did you ask him why ? what did he say ? Does it sound reasonable and believable ?
It makes no sense that a young man in his age range ( similar to yours , I guess ) can't call whomever he wants in front of his parents . Well, maybe not to have phone sex, of course- but if when he talks to a lady ,this must be kept a secret , ether there is a very important, dramatic , life-changing reason ( which I can't even begin to figure )- or else... there's simply something very fishy going on and he is taking advantage of you .
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (6 September 2017):
 Sounds like he's keeping you on the back burner for when he has no one else to speak to.
If he wanted to make the effort, he would do, remember that.
...............................
|
