A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi Agony Aunts and Uncles.I work with this girl who is trying to paint me as a Bully. We don't always see eye to eye. She says I pick on her when I have to tell her she is doing something wrong. I don't like being that person. Its because I have a years more experience at the job than her and have learnt the ins and out of all the rules and guidelines where as she is just learning as she is going. I know both our interests are the business. Last week I was annoyed over something ignorant being done. I asked her why it was gong on. I knew she didn't do half of it cause our system records its users. I asked her about her part and she got defensive. I tried to compromise with her and asked her to rephrase what she was doing in a politer way but she didn't want to hear any of it. Shoe on the other foot if I did what she was doing she wouldn't be happy. Anyways she told the boss i was bullying her and that I blamed her for stuff she didn't do. I like this job apart from working with her. I working with 10 other people and have no problems with them. Between me and her its a power struggle. She doesn't listen to anything I say unless the boss repeats it. Its not exactly a good job market if I leave so what should I do?
View related questions:
co-worker Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 September 2017):
 But you ARE bullying her !; unless you have been specifically trained, put in charge of and paid for correcting and criticizing this colleague's performance.
Your job description is a bit vague: " part of my job is monitoring and ensuring etc.. " Well, let's cut to the chase, do you have the formal, official authority , and are you being paid for, evaluating your colleagues, and upbraiding them if they do something that in your opinion is wrong ? Can you, legally and technically, do it , or you are just milking your seniority for all it's worth ? Could you send this employee a written, formal complaint, to be kept in her file, or would that make you the laughinstock of your workplace ?
You tell this girl to do X, and she does not. Your boss tells her to do X, and she does it immediately.
That means she does not recognize your authority.
If she does not recognize your authority because formally you have none over her, the best is to keep your mouth shut and mind your own business, unless you want to be involved in a charge of mobbing.
If you DO have authority over her and she refuses to accept it, then you have to talk to your boss. So that HE can take her aside and explain her that HER job description includes minding what you say and executing your orders, and this is a condition for keeping her job.
Otherwise, let her be and mind YOUR own work. You may also know best, and have a special, right way to do things- yet your colleagues are not obliged to take your suggestions as other than an unsolicited opinion.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2017): Are you her boss?
If not you have no business monitoring her or her work or telling her how to phrase anything . Basically you need to butt out of her business unless that's your specific job definition 'to monitor and be her boss'
To be honest you sound arrogant and like you are condescending . If I were her I'd ignore you and reportbany time you tried to tell me what to do or watch over me . Your treading a fine line as this sounds very borderline to me
Leave her alone and focus on your work
...............................
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (6 September 2017):
Are you her supervisor? It doesn't sound as if you are. This question reads like a busy body trying to justify her bullying.
If this woman is doing something wrong keep your mouth shut and do your job. It's the supervisors job not yours to direct people and to correct their mistakes. Shut up and do your job.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 September 2017):
 If you are not her boss then you should not be telling her what to do. If you have an issue with things she is doing then go to your own boss and let them know. Honestly it is hard to work with people who tell you what to do and confront you, am going through it at the moment and it is not nice. Try see it from her point off view more.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 September 2017):
 You aren't the technical definition of a "bully", as that seems to be the new "catch-all" buzzword for grievance nowadays. But your approach needs improvement, because you did attack your co-worker, who is your peer. Let me post some of the highlights of your conversation for analysis. Stay reading until the end, even if some of the things I'm going to type might get you upset. I'm not saying these things to attack YOU, but to help you see how to fix this.
1. "Last week I was annoyed over something ignorant being done. I asked her why it was gong on. I knew she didn't do half of it cause our system records its users."
You were annoyed, and you took out your annoyance on this newer co-worker. You know that it wasn't all her fault, yet she was who you chose to vent on. There's more:
2. "I asked her about her part and she got defensive. I tried to compromise with her and asked her to rephrase what she was doing in a politer way but she didn't want to hear any of it."
This is the crux of it. You allowed your ego to get in the way. YOU were the confronting one, and she was your target, even though she was newer and wasn't the entire one to blame, as you admitted. Yet you singled her out with your annoyance, and then you got your hackles up when she got defensive. You asking HER to "rephrase in a politer way" was your ego, and that was where you were out of line. Her defensiveness ruffled your ego, and you turned a process correction into the power struggle.
3. "Shoe on the other foot if I did what she was doing she wouldn't be happy."
If the shoe were on the other foot, you would be upset if someone confronted you on something not entirely your fault, who you felt wasn't your manager, and who was clearly annoyed. You might want to put yourself in HER shoes and considered how you looked to her. Obviously, by her going to her boss, she felt attacked.
The thing is - you are NOT her boss. Seniority doesn't mean authority. That's why you can't be correcting her tone and confronting her with your annoyance without realizing that she will go to who she should RIGHTLY speak to, and that is her boss, who also happens to be YOUR boss.
You and she have a personality conflict. The mistake you made was instead of treating her like the PEER that she is, and enlisting her in being your ally to fix the problem that she wasn't entirely at fault in creating to begin with, you singled her out, made her the problem, and then became overbearing with your "Rephrase politely" nonsense as if you were a hall monitor. You can't do that in the professional workplace.
Before you tune out and think I'm ragging on you as a person, I'll tell you something that will help you IMMENSELY with her and anyone else when this sort of thing comes up again.
There are many types of personalities in the work place, but loosely, with some exceptions, they generally fall into 4 different categories:
Get it Done
Get it Right
Get along
Get appreciation from people
Often, when two of those personalities come into contact with each other, they clash and can't figure it out. You might be a "Get it right" sort of person, whereas she might be a "Get appreciation" person, and feel like she was attacked for doing her job, whereas all you saw was a task that was botched, and you might have overlooked that it's a real life person you're working with.
The best way to handle a difficult person, especially one who keeps screwing up, isn't to get annoyed and confront. It's to ENLIST them as an ally to help correct the problem. Separate the problem from the person, even if the person is the one making mistakes or doing it wrong. I highly doubt that your co-worker is intentionally making mistakes or doing her job wrong or involved in some sort of fraud. Use diplomacy and "We" pronouns, and get her to voluntarily help you fix things by being receptive to change and being shown a better way to do things. Coming at her with "you're doing this wrong" is a surefire way to get her defensive.
If she were truly screwing up, then you get your boss involved. Your boss is the one paid to have authority. You aren't. Some bosses will try to delegate that sort of thing to people who don't have any business being the authority, and that's where stuff like this happens. You're in seniority, but that doesn't mean you are in authority.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 September 2017):
 You need to have a sit down with your boss. He should from now on be her DIRECT supervisor as she will not take guidance or corrections from you. If she listens to him, so be it.
OR your BOSS needs to sit her down and explain to her that YOUR job is to ensure guidelines are followed. Hers? IS to follow guidelines and when in doubt to ask YOU or HIM.
Some people don't mesh well, in or out of a work environment. You two? Oil and Water. It happens. And it needs to stop. Which means you guys need to get some help - from the HR or boss to set you BOTH straight (so to speak) on what needs to be done and how - who does what etc. Seems like either she or both of you are not focused o the bigger picture (ensuring the product is tip top) but rather a power struggle.
To be honest? If she will not take guidance from you or resent that you point out flaws or mistakes you might want to step back and let HER fall on her face. But... I would have a conversation with the boss first.
...............................
A
female
reader, MissKin  +, writes (6 September 2017):
 If it is your job to provide feedback maybe you need to have a sit down with her with a manager present to clear the air. She can say what her problems are and you can say your point. It works in a "I feel offended when you say abc because I don't feel I'm doing abc" and then you say "it's my job to advise and help you learn how to do abc efficiently with the best interests of the business at heart. If I don't I worry it will reflect badly on you when it's gone wrong. How would you prefer me to deal with this situation in future?"
If she doesn't realise you're in a position of responsibility she probably just wonders what your problem is.
If it's a 'bullying' issue then she won't mind u having a manager involved. If it's your responsibility then your manager should be sending you on team management skill courses and 'how to talk to difficult people' courses.
I also completely disagree with everyone else. Even if it ISNT your job to provide feedback, it's common courtesy to help and teach people who are new. Otherwise you're not supporting them and that can reflect badly on you as a team member.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2017): Hi unfortunately it s part of my job to monitor and ensure guidelines and rules are being followed. I ensure equipment etc. is available and working. I have tried asking her to do tasks in a different way in the past. All I get is an excuse and nothing changes. Then the boss says it and it magically changes.
My only fear is the company's reputation will suffer due to one person.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2017): You're not her supervisor. Unless you are promoted to a position of authority, you have no right to give her performance evaluations. Unless one of your assigned job-responsibilities is quality-control; leave it up to her supervisor to correct her errors.
If you see she is doing something wrong, you politely ask her permission to show her a better way. You are being smug and intimidating by criticizing her work. You mean well; but unless you are in a position of authority, it will be taken the wrong way.
As I know human nature and being a supervisor; I know that there is a way to suggest how to do something right, as opposed to telling people they've done something the wrong way. I also know when it is my place to reprimand them for their mistakes. It's MY job! It falls under my title and job-description.
I am paid to supervise, assign tasks, review, and evaluate performance. Even I have to be respectful of the worker's feelings and intelligence. I must make sure that is done according to company policy; and within the authority given to me to do so.
Let me ask you this. If she doesn't have a problem with the other 10 people, why does she have a problem with you?
Focus on your own work.
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (6 September 2017):
 It doesn't sound like your job to correct her. Let her fall on her face. The boss can then take the right action. I understand that you have the company's best interests at heart but some people just can't be told.
So, stop interfering with her work. Get on with your own work and your colleagues. It may be that she has psychological problems which makes her react strongly to being corrected.
...............................
|
