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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Would a guy settle for one woman if he can't have another?
Q. A guy complained that girl A does not like him. Girl A treats him indifferently. At the same time the guy was, and has becoming closer to girl B; who has always been in love with him. This guy and girl B having a relationship now. It seems like the...
A. 21 December 2017: The jealousy about clothing was just an example to signify that often in your acquaintances ' lives and minds there may be more than you can know or that they care to share with you.
Regardless, - Ok, so be it; it's real. I still don't get why ... (read in full...)
Would a guy settle for one woman if he can't have another?
Q. A guy complained that girl A does not like him. Girl A treats him indifferently. At the same time the guy was, and has becoming closer to girl B; who has always been in love with him. This guy and girl B having a relationship now. It seems like the...
A. 21 December 2017: My impression, OP, is that you are making a mountain of a molehill. Ok, so maybe the guy got a shine to girl A, who does not requite the attraction, and he is trying to impress her somehow- he gets ignored so he is displeased . So ? Very normal. ... (read in full...)
This is the second abusive relationship I've been in. Am I picking the wrong type of men?
Q. Last night my boyfriend punched me in the mouth. I've left him. He asked me not to leave. But I said I have to be alone right now. It came about after an argument over a male friend of mine. My boyfriend said that my face lit up when my friend a...
A. 19 December 2017: I agree with Aunt Honesty, why do you have to meet him again ? Why DID you have to meet him again ? Hadn't you already broken up ? How many times do you need to break up with a person ? I'd think once it's enough !
I think this may give you an i... (read in full...)
Would a guy settle for one woman if he can't have another?
Q. A guy complained that girl A does not like him. Girl A treats him indifferently. At the same time the guy was, and has becoming closer to girl B; who has always been in love with him. This guy and girl B having a relationship now. It seems like the...
A. 19 December 2017: Of course he would . It happens all the time.
A person may wish to dine at a five- stars restaurant, but if they can't, they 'll do nicely with the local diner. Better than skipping meals altogether..
I agree with the poster who says that it ... (read in full...)
Signs he is a compulsive liar? what the heck is that attitude after breakup?
Q. Hey everyone, So I broke up with my bf about 1 month and a half ago. I am 22, he is 25. We had been together for 1 year and a half. We met as international students (in Australia, I was exchange student and he was studying engineering ther...
A. 18 December 2017: He just needed to shake you off himself real bad and real soon, by all means necessary.
He is from Pakistanm right ? Well, in Pakistan still nowadays close to 90% of marriages are combined by the parents. It does not mean that they are forc... (read in full...)
Could it be my social anxiety or am I right to feel left out?
Q. Hey guys I need your help with something. About a month ago I went out with my boyfriend and a few of his friends, two of them being a girl and her boyfriend. My boyfriend still has a big friend group from when he was at school (girls and guys)...
A. 18 December 2017: It could be your sense of entitlement speaking, which makes you feel left out. Look, maybe it's not fair but life it's not fair, so if YOU have social anxiety, ultimately that's YOUR problem to deal with, why do you expect or demand that a dozen ... (read in full...)
I feel lost in life, how do I find my path and carry on with my life?
Q. Please note I'm not feeling suicidal and have no plans to go down that route, I am simply feeling lost and confused. Ever since my first and only girlfriend broke up with me not 11 months ago I've been effectively listing through life without a p...
A. 18 December 2017: By being realistic and not re- reading the past through rose - tinted glasses ?
This prize of a girlfriend, this queen among women, put you through hell for 6 long months by dating other guys and bringing one back to the home she shared with... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend too sexually demanding?
Q. I’ve been with my boyfriend around half a year. He has really bad anger issues which he has been trying to control but he still has his outbursts. One of the things that triggers these outbursts is when I don’t give him head when he wants it. ...
A. 17 December 2017: Whaat ? over one grand ?---
Look.You got screwed over. Big time.
You don't need to beat yourself up and to get upset about your " stupidity " , because all of us make mistakes, particularly when we are young and not too experienced : BUT, you... (read in full...)
Will he always cheat on me?
Q. Hi, so my boyfriend and I have been together for two years now and a month ago I caught him talking to other girls on snapchat and receiving nudes. I pulled him up on it and was going to leave him however gave him a second chance. A few days ago...
A. 10 December 2017: Yes, I think he will do it again and no, you should never have given him a "last chance ".
Everybody makes mistakes and everybody deserves a second chance. But nobody deserves a third one !, because once should be enough to correct ones... (read in full...)
What can I do to deal with his attitude?
Q. Is my husband a narcissist? At the moment I am not working outside the home. The company I was working for went under. Even when I was working I still did 100 percent of the household chores and never once complained about doing it. If I go ou...
A. 9 December 2017: How long have you been married ?... Sorry, but I have got the feeling that you only have yourself to blame.
It's very hard, almost impossible, to teach an old dog new tricks.
If for all your married life, you have been working outside the hous... (read in full...)
Do you find this touching odd or it’s normal?
Q. Hi, I have a question and would appreciate your inputs. I’m 40 years old and just started dating 5 years after my divorce. I’m independent with a great job. I met a guy online who turned out to have some mutual friends with. He is 45, professional, ...
A. 8 December 2017: I find it odd. Partucularly knowing that you had warned him it wasn't a date. It was implied you were going out as friends . All this touchyfeelingness does not belong to your relationship as of now, which is, basically, of simple acquaintances . ... (read in full...)
Am I being over sensitive about this guy who keeps cancelling on me?
Q. Hey guys, I need a little advice on weather or not I handled something correctly.. So a few months ago I was working for a company and I became friends with my manager's younger brother who had just started working there the week I left. I left ...
A. 4 December 2017: Over sensitive ? You are kidding , right ? If any you are being under-sensitive !( if such a word does exist ).It is incredible that some guy can blow you off 7 times in a row, and, you would still TALK to him , leave alone making plans with ... (read in full...)
Bereavement has hit our relationship
Q. My partner's ex girlfriend killed herself 6 weeks ago, he took his pain + grief out on me. We have been together 6 years + 3 children. I don't see a way back. He is sleeping on the sofa since. Is it time to walk away. ...
A. 2 December 2017: I'd say it depends on what you mean exactly by " he took his pain and grief out on me ". If it means that he has been bad-tempered, difficult , ornery... or even verbally aggressive - I agree with the other posters; he gets a " pass " for that, ... (read in full...)
Should I talk to him? I just want to be friends and cuddle from time to time
Q. Hello, I don't know how to start this. I'm a 19 years old girl and I've never had a boyfriend before. I met a guy at school, we barely talked though. once there was a camping event, and we ended up cuddling one night. We didn't talk about it a...
A. 27 November 2017: I doubt that he would be interest in being JUST your cuddle buddy . It sounds like he took the first available chance to excalate it from innocent cuddles to something more ( and btw , I'd be curious to know what is " not real sex ": if you mean ... (read in full...)
He cheated on his boyfriend, do I tell?
Q. I used to fancy a friend of mine, he knows but clearly has no interest I’m coping with that. Now his started going out with a guy 10 years younger than him, he told me they were fun buddies cause he couldn’t go out with someone younger than him...
A. 25 November 2017: No no don't snitch .
Seriously ? This seems like a plan which could be coinceved by Jack from " Will and Grace "- or any other stereotypical representation of the gay man as petty, catty , self- centered and sneaky.
Come on, you know that you... (read in full...)
I'm like a weekend hobby for my boyfriend while his sister and nephew are his real family
Q. I have been dating a guy in a long distance relationship for 2 years. He lives 50 miles away and I only see him at weekends. In the week he lives with his widowed sister and works with her son to help him out as he is retired. The other week for the ...
A. 25 November 2017: Sure it's reasonable.
But... it is what it is.
These relatives are adult independent people; it's your bf who is not independent.
If he has no job, no money, no car, no home etc... other than what it is kindly provided by these people... (read in full...)
He will be away for my whole school break and I got mad!
Q. I met a guy maybe a week ago...hes 16 n m 15,,, i like him a lot n we've been meeting daily/...at first we were both shy to even hug but now i can at least let him hold my hand...hes beebn saying he has something to tell me since 3 days ago/..but he ...
A. 25 November 2017: Why did you get mad ? He is 16. Most probably he has to do what his parents / family say concerning holidays and travels, it was not his choice. Same as , if you could have it your way, you'd date him openly but instead now you have to sneak away, ... (read in full...)
I'm like a weekend hobby for my boyfriend while his sister and nephew are his real family
Q. I have been dating a guy in a long distance relationship for 2 years. He lives 50 miles away and I only see him at weekends. In the week he lives with his widowed sister and works with her son to help him out as he is retired. The other week for the ...
A. 23 November 2017: He does not have any moral obligation to this people " as YOU see it ". Probably he sees it differently; and I am positive that the SISTER, who's providing free room and board and general assistence to a grown up, able-bodied brother, sees it ... (read in full...)
Am I missing something here? He asked for my number but never called!
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm a 22 y/o female from Memphis, TN .. ? I recently got close with this guy that I work with .. We talk, laugh, and joke .. He even gave me a little cute nickname. At first I wasn't really into it, but then I started to really enjoy th...
A. 23 November 2017: Yeah, you are totally missing something : he is not interested. He may have been flirting and joking, at a superficial level, with no intentions to start anything with you, whether a real friendship or more .
Maybe he was just being frie... (read in full...)
New in the office but I'm unsure of co-workers
Q. Should I trust this colleague? I just started at a firm downtown and in my previous role I was very talkative I would open up a lot to co-workers etc (I can’t read people sometimes) in this new job I started I noticed one of my colleagues is trying ...
A. 22 November 2017: Few days ago we had a post about office gossupmongers, was that from you ? Are these guys those who cruticize their colleagues and badmouth their spouses ?
In the affirmative... (but, now that I think of it, in any case! in general !)- don't blow... (read in full...)
Any advice on Dear Cupid burn-out?
Q. I know I'm not the most active poster here and I'm not hoping that anyone would recognize me but I'm just gonna post this here for a message and maybe some advice. I'm thinking of leaving DearCupid for some time, all this posts about cheating...
A. 22 November 2017: Sam Wilson, yes, maybe you and your gf will end up breaking up or cheating on each other or losing interest. That's quite possible, you are both young ( and yours is a long distance relationship, isn't it ? )
On the other hand, you may very... (read in full...)
Can you help explain my boyfriend's strange behaviour?
Q. I have a bizarre problem! I've been seeing my boyfriend for ten months and we often go away and stay at hotels but the thing is he picks me up after work about 3pm then when we arrive at our hotel he wants to literally go to bed straightaway and ...
A. 22 November 2017: If you don't go on these trips and he refuses to see you and spend time with you anywhere else, leading to a split -up... then you would know for sure that he only sees you as a instrument for a nice sexual fill-up and could not care less about ... (read in full...)
I'm like a weekend hobby for my boyfriend while his sister and nephew are his real family
Q. I have been dating a guy in a long distance relationship for 2 years. He lives 50 miles away and I only see him at weekends. In the week he lives with his widowed sister and works with her son to help him out as he is retired. The other week for the ...
A. 22 November 2017: Well, I have to try and argue in favour of this guy. That IS his family, his sister and nephew , whom he lives with, free of charge. I think it's normal if he has ,or feels ,the obligation to be around and available weekdays in case his ... (read in full...)
Lost my virginity and I didn't even enjoy it but now I'm wondering if I could be pregnant
Q. I just lost my virginity, tbh it was painful and i never enjoyed it at all, according to my friend its because he never did foreplay. Even though i was not satisfied, apparently he was because he came on the inside of my thighs. The cum wasn't alot ...
A. 22 November 2017: There is a possibility. Withdrawal is not a very reliable form of contracception. Particularly if you follow up by rubbing sperm-soaked tissue paper inside yourself.
I am sorry, all you can do now is to keep your finger crossed and hope you ... (read in full...)
He's taken my wife. Should I be worried?
Q. my wife an I have been married for 3 years. however things have been interesting for last 18 months. we have a neighbour Raymond who is divorced for a long time and is 44. he has two girls about 8 and 12. me and my wife are both 28. however 18 ...
A. 22 November 2017: I believe too this is a fantasy , anyway if I should take it as a real question I'd say : no, you don't have to be overly concerned. Your wife told you that she loves both you and Ray, and apparently she really digs the bigamous lifestyle, so, ... (read in full...)
Can you help explain my boyfriend's strange behaviour?
Q. I have a bizarre problem! I've been seeing my boyfriend for ten months and we often go away and stay at hotels but the thing is he picks me up after work about 3pm then when we arrive at our hotel he wants to literally go to bed straightaway and ...
A. 21 November 2017: 24 hour or so in a hotel bed ? well, yes, that's strange.
I imagine that he could be super tired and super stressed out, and maybe reenacting John Lennon and Yoko Ono 's bed-in will be his way of resting and relaxing, but... why even both... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend has a case of " internalised homophobia". How do I talk to him and help him?
Q. I am a gay 29 year old man. I have been seeing a 32 year old guy since early 2015. When we met I did not know his sexuality, but we clicked, and in no time we developed a sexual relationship. This man has never said he is gay, but we spend a lot of ...
A. 21 November 2017: It seems that you assume that , if he came to identify himself as gay, or to accept fully his bisexuality/ bi-curiosity - then automatically he'd want to live his newfound gay orientation in the context of a loving relationship with you. Why do ... (read in full...)
How will having a baby affect someone with PTSD?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and we have spoke about our future what we both want , i work and he doesnt and that is due to him having ptsd . he has his good days and bad more good and he goes out everyday so he doesnt get low and it ...
A. 21 November 2017: I think this is a question you should ask to a competent medical professional. Consult a specialist, or two, before deciding anything. There would be a child involved, so that's too much of a delicate matter to just wing it somehow or play it by ... (read in full...)
Why would he not see me in 2 months then turn around and say he loves me loads?
Q. hi everyone. person i'm seeing for a year now,we not had the exclusive talk but hes told me we friends but seeing where it goes etc we are sleeping together mostly when we see each other sex is involved 9/10 times it happens now recently iv not ...
A. 21 November 2017: Eh , if after one year you are not exclusive and you still are " friends " -who-have-sex-together... and are going to see where this is going... this is not going anywhere, you can bet on that.
Why would he say he loves you ? because that... (read in full...)
Sick of being ignored, what do I have to do?
Q. I think I give off a “don’t be my friend” vibe, though I say hi and am polite? All my life people have avoided me, socially and socially at work and in group or social events, like I have A flashing sign “avoid her” I was bullied and social...
A. 20 November 2017: I think you self-diagnosed your problem.
You shut down in groups and you are quietER. Quieter than what ? Quieter than all the other people ? quieter than the average person ?
Well, then there you have it. You may have excellent reasons ... (read in full...)
Was it inappropriate for my wife to wear the revealing dress just to get back at me?
Q. A short time ago me and my wife had an argument just before we were going out to meet friends for some dinner and drinks. She wasn't quite ready, so she said she would meet up with us later. So I went and met with our friends. She came in about a ...
A. 20 November 2017: Anything a person does just to grate on their partner's nerves as a form of revenge for real or perceived slights,is inappropriate, because it's a petty, childish- and ineffective way to handle conflict.
Said that, though, ....
1) How do you k... (read in full...)
I sent him a nude, I hope he hasn't lost respect for me.
Q. I posted a while ago saying i had a met a man with quite an usual job- he's a travel author (fairly successful). He is 35 years old, is in the public eye quite a lot and has a lot of female attention. I went on 2 dates with him back in june but then ...
A. 19 November 2017: No, it does NOT surely indicate that he wants to get to know you more, on more than a sexual level.
That's not excluded, I guess. Who knows , maybe you go and you it hit off so famously and have such a good time together, that it can lead to some... (read in full...)
Why does this person not stop harrassing me?
Q. Why would someone who you have told them no and they know you don't want to do the unreasonable request they asked you keep pressuring you and pressuring you to try and do what they want. You have even blocked their calls and they still phone yo...
A. 19 November 2017: Because " they" want the money, duh- And because
" they " know that you are quite a softie who is eager to please and appease, as already shown by the fact that you have already done a lot for " them " - without " them " having to appr... (read in full...)
We had plans, should I keep him as a friend?
Q. I have been friends with this guy for a year now and we have recently gotten pretty close. se seemed like a really easy going person and cool guy to hang out with. He really opens up about his life and we have many deep conversations. Well this past ...
A. 19 November 2017: If you 'd like him to be more than just a friend ( it sounds like you do ) then definitely no. Don't bother. He is flaky, rude and insincere. Plus, he must be " not that into you ", if he prefers a last minute little house party with various ... (read in full...)
I'm disappointed he saw a new movie with his brother instead of me
Q. So my bf had a family funeral to attend this weekend. It is out of town far away. After the funeral he was bored so decided to go to see a movie that we planned to go see next week together. All he texted me was 'I think I am going to go see the ...
A. 19 November 2017: Yeah, I think you did not handle it very well.
Mean what you say and say what you mean.
If you weren't ok with him seeing that movie with another person, then why you did you tell him " Ok, enjoy the movie " ?! Just to sulk AFTER you had give... (read in full...)
Help me find my way out of these abusive traps
Q. I am in a 16-year-relationship that became sexless and violent, abusive. I was thrown out the house in middle of night. I left and he wants me back. While away I met another man who I fell in love with and been seeing for a year this man seems quite ...
A. 18 November 2017: I think I'll take advantage of this thread for a sec to express my exhaustion and frustration wuth the time honoured " but there were also good times, not just bad ones " or " but he was not ALL bad " argument which pops up so often in DC posts. ... (read in full...)
What is he doing? His last text said he still wants me but that was November third!
Q. hi i am seeing a man, don't what sort of relationship it is but hes not text me in 2 weeks and not seen me in 2 months now, i did text him 2 weeks ago asking whats going on my text to him was " how are you ive not heard off you in weeks how can yo...
A. 18 November 2017: Well, at least he is a generous type. Nevertheless, he is still stringing you along big time. Move on.... (read in full...)
What is he doing? His last text said he still wants me but that was November third!
Q. hi i am seeing a man, don't what sort of relationship it is but hes not text me in 2 weeks and not seen me in 2 months now, i did text him 2 weeks ago asking whats going on my text to him was " how are you ive not heard off you in weeks how can yo...
A. 17 November 2017: In hospital ? -- Busy at work ?...
And the dog ate his homework, too ?...
He can say whatever he wants, OP, but actions speak louder than words and his actions say very clearly that he is not interested and couldn't care less.
If a person kno... (read in full...)
How can I explain to parents?
Q. Hi all :) I’ll share a little details about myself and family before diving into my question. I’m 18 turning 19 soon and just started university and my parents are quite what our generation would say a little “old-fashioned”? I come from a Chinese ...
A. 17 November 2017: It does not sound to me that the situation is so desperate and after all you have a plan that can work :).
Your parents , apparentlu, aren't so hopelessly old fashioned and overbearing. After all. all it took to convince your dad that you coul... (read in full...)
Help me find my way out of these abusive traps
Q. I am in a 16-year-relationship that became sexless and violent, abusive. I was thrown out the house in middle of night. I left and he wants me back. While away I met another man who I fell in love with and been seeing for a year this man seems quite ...
A. 17 November 2017: It may be easier than you think, if you just reflect that 16 years have been a huge part of your life... the part which SUCKED. Being physically or verbally abused sucks, being exposed to violence and neglect sucks, always living in the edge and ... (read in full...)
Should I leave a little heart in his desk?
Q. Is it ok to leave a little heart in his desk? Just want to know some opinions. There's this guy at work that I like and I'm sure he likes me too. But I think it was my mistake by not showing interest in him and I think he has distanced a littl...
A. 17 November 2017: No. No heart . You are not a teenager anymore, and coming from an adult this sort of " secret admirer " stuff would look inappropriate and , well, just weird.
You can un-distance yourself quite easily. Smile ! Engage him in conversation, ask ... (read in full...)
Gossip mongers got me going
Q. How do u act around people that gossip? I recently started a job and I noticed that two of my coworkers are partaking in chit chat - one of them first asked for my social media accounts right away (I only knew him for a month) and he wanted to add ...
A. 16 November 2017: I don't know, OP, aren't you by any chance being a bit too strict, too rigid ?
There's malicious gossip, spread out on the intent to damage, disparage and vilify. And then there is... banter. Shooting the breeze. Making small talk. Sure it woul... (read in full...)
Should I be the first to call like always, or should I let her reach out this time?
Q. I have been in a seven-year relationship with my girlfriend/ex-girlfriend (I'm not sure which is accurate at this point). We have always struggled with how we resolve conflict. We've been through the break-up-make-up cycle many times. Each time ...
A. 16 November 2017: Seriously,OP? You can't see anything wrong in this picture : she can't have lunch with you because you are broken up ( ok, it makes sense ) yet she can run to you for help the very first moment she needs something, even if you are broken up ?
... (read in full...)
Should I be the first to call like always, or should I let her reach out this time?
Q. I have been in a seven-year relationship with my girlfriend/ex-girlfriend (I'm not sure which is accurate at this point). We have always struggled with how we resolve conflict. We've been through the break-up-make-up cycle many times. Each time ...
A. 15 November 2017: I am pretty sure that this is not what you want to hear, but tbh if you are caught up in a 7 years (! ) cycle of on and off, break up and make up - and if you find yourselves frequently having " stupid " fights about menial stuff... please cease ... (read in full...)
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