A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently left my boyfriend two weeks ago, and now we aren't talking.My purpose in leaving wasn't necessarily to break up,but because I wasn't going to tolerate the verbal and emotional abuse.He can be extremely controlling and gonon tirades.He got upset because I didn't call him back quick enough.He was calling to "check on his dogs", which were perfectly fine.I was upset with him for how he had treated me the night before and didn't feel like speaking to him at the moment.I should mention that I knew he knew the dogs were fine because there are cameras inside the home which he can see the dogs .So I called him back in an hour instead of the 10 minutes he would've liked.During that hour he left me psycho messages , repeatedly , like 20 in a row threatening to kick me out, throwing an absolute fit and telling me to leave if I don't call him back in 10 minutes.When he got home,he proceeded to barate me.I asked him how his dogs looked and he admitted they looked "happy".This behavior continued the entire weekend ,so I left.Since I left two weeks ago, there has been no contact.What should I do?Why do you think he's not reaching out to me?How do you go from getting along great,saying I love you, to breaking up because I don't call you back quick enough ?
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emotionally abusive, hasn't called, I love you Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (29 August 2017):
For the love of heaven count yourself lucky if you never hear from this person again. Then get yourself to a qualified therapist and find out why you would want to hear from him again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to all of you who have taken your time to respond. You all have given me so much to think and reflect on. I take each and every one of your responses to heart.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 August 2017):
 You should thank your lucky star ! that, albeit involuntarily, you got rid of an abusive relationship. This guy sounds unhinged and , rather than musing over the why of his threatening and berating you, it's more practical and intelligent if you just rejoice because that has ended.
I must say , though, that it takes two to tango and you seem to have done your part in carrying on a dysfuntional relationship based on skewed communication.
What the heck does it mean " I left but I did not necessarily want to break up " ? You aren't in high school any more : " I'l sulk. That will SHOW him ! "
You are two adults living together, if you leave it means you are done, it's over. Unless, of course, you had told him " Look, I need some space and quiet ,and time to myself, to reflect about our relationship and how to fix it; then we'll talk ". But since you did not say anything similar, technically you broke up with him and abruptly too , so you cannot COUNT on him to chase after you.
( Although, as other posters have noticed, probably he also knows he does not need to do any chasing, he assumes that you'll be back to him with your tail between your legs. Please, prove him wrong ! )
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (29 August 2017):
 At first glance, this seems like a straight forward abusive relationship, with him abusing you. However, when you read it again, it almost seems that you enjoy winding him up (not phoning him back - presumably knowing what result that would have). While that does not, in any way, excuse his behaviour, that is controlling behaviour as well.
You both appear to have issues. You go into silent mode/walk off to punish/control him while he rants and verbally abuses you to control you. Do you think this sounds like a healthy relationship from EITHER side? Do you think he will change just because you flounced off?
If you love him, you will go back to him. End of. It is pointless anyone advising you otherwise as you will not leave him until YOU are ready to leave him. All the advice in the world will not make any difference to that. However, you need to realize he will not change - because he has no incentive to change. He is now punishing you in the way you punish him - by staying silent. One of you will crack in the end and you will go back and the pattern will start all over again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2017): Look-up the book written by Howard M. Halpern, Ph.D.:
"How To Break Your Addiction To A Person"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2017): He wanted you out. You're out. He's also playing a mind-game like a psycho. Psycho's like to use abusive-language and throw tantrums to create fear and to intimidate. It renders you down to a state of submissiveness and obedience. Your fear and vulnerability empowers him. He uses it against you.
Then, he'll go into the silent-treatment.Passive-aggression is another of their psycho-tools. Quite effective.
You'll start to worry, stuff will go through your mind; and you'll get very restless. The silence is deafening. You'll lose sleep, lose your appetite, and grow nervous. You'd rather have him yell at you. Of course; you're pretty use to this, and you have an addiction to him. This rewards his behavior beyond words! He knows you'll come crawling back. It happens over and over.
You get defiant; because you tire of him always winning. Then, he puts you in your place. Your addiction to him makes you give-in to this mistreatment. Even though you loathe it.
You need counseling and to talk to a professional. Nothing people say on this site will make any difference. You'll read it, and dismiss it. He has you well-programmed. Almost brain-washed.
You will wait until you hear from him. Then you'll run back.
Please get counseling as soon as possible. Guys like your boyfriend are dangerous. Even if he never lays a hand on you; he will break you down psychologically. That's just as bad.
When a woman says "but I love him;" I throw my hands up in defeat. Some women have to learn the hard-way. Advice rolls off like water off a duck's back!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 August 2017):
 Wait... you WANT to get back with this crazy bastard?
Are you nuts, OP?
He hasn't called you because he KNOWS you will cave. It's another form of control. He is showing YOU that he will be FINE without you. And he knows you are going crazy thinking HE should want you back.
Honey, TAKE this opportunity to NEVER talk to him again and move on. This is a sick and toxic relationship. you even pointed out just how little he cares about you and how much you resent him.
So why on Earth would you want him to call?
Again, are you nuts, lady?
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (29 August 2017):
 Is 30-35 the correct age?
You left him. People usually take that to mean breaking up.
I think you were right to leave. His behaviour sounds like a dealbreaker.
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A
female
reader, ALM12 +, writes (29 August 2017):
 he's verbally and emotionally abusive so why would you want him to call? No. Forget this guy. Usually that form of abuse leads to physical. Be safe and RUN from that guy he's bad news
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2017): Why would you even want to stay with someone who, in your words, can be verbally and emotionally abusive, extremely controlling and goes on tirades? Seems to me you'd be better off without him. Seems to me he's doing you a favor by not contacting you. Think about getting out of this relationship.
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