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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Should I tell his girlfriend he's been having an online affair with me?
Q. So I met a guy online and instantly fell for him. We live cross country so the chances of us meeting were pretty slim I guess. Still, he told me how much he liked me and wished he lived closer so I could be his girlfriend. At one point, he even said ...
A. 8 August 2017: I would not do it.
I think you'd be acting out of a desire to fuck up his life for revenge, more than out of sincere compassion and female solidariety. I do not criticize you for that. It's normal that you feel furious and humiliated and that... (read in full...)
I don't want to meet a woman my boyfriend fancies! Your advice?
Q. When I had been dating my partner for a couple of months he showed me his old school friend's facebook page who had just married. He said his friend'a wife is so attractive and and he thought he was punching above his weight when they were dating. I ...
A. 8 August 2017: OP, you do not sound demented, .. but , allow me, a bit teenagerial, well, yes.
He does not put kisses on texts ?... What, like : xoxoxo... ? And this is a big deal ? Pardon me again, but honestly, I think even my two nieces ( who ARE real... (read in full...)
I think my personal trainer is crushing on me
Q. Hey guys! So I've recently joined a gym that was recommended by a personal trainer who works there and bought a guitar from me. I started regularly going to his fun classes and then he decided to give me some one on one training as we would weight ...
A. 8 August 2017: Ah go figure, that's really a difficult question, with so little info we can base a reply upon..
Anyway, FWIW- I'd say no. What, he's got a crush on you and he acts colder ? that's counterintuitive, wouldn't it be more normal that, having a crus... (read in full...)
My ex bf contacted me, I told my bf about it, mistake or no?
Q. I dated this guy briefly, but broke up w/him due to him being a control freak and somewhat mentally unstable. His number was blocked, but the other day I deleted all my blocked numbers (I didn't even know it was his number). He ended up messaging ...
A. 8 August 2017: No, or at least not in telling your current bf, he will have appreciated your openness .
The mistake, if any, was in responding to the ex's message , in fact exchanging a series of brief messages : why ?? the guy is not only an ex, but ment... (read in full...)
My love interest is ill .... is it worth waiting for him?
Q. I am in my 30s and my love interest is in his 40s but we are just friends. I haven't seen him in a long time and have seen recently that his health is bad. He struggles to walk, has asthma and drinks. He randomly said to me he would not be able to ...
A. 8 August 2017: Yes, that's his way of saying he is not going to have children. Actually I think it's quite clear, we do not need to read between the lines. When people say they cannot afford to have a family, at their wage, I'd think it's that are talking ... (read in full...)
I regret oversharing my private life
Q. What do here? I feel I may have "overshared" at work telling a few people I am having surgery in the next 2 months. I have told a few people 9 (not everyone..! there are 20 others who don't know and wont...) I am having surgery soon, and I need...
A. 8 August 2017: I don't think this even qualifies like oversharing !
To me it sounds like a normal conversation : " So, anything new ? " " Yeah, my brother gets married " " Oh, nice. I, instead, will have to have an operation in October , I 'll have to take... (read in full...)
How do I say no to my niece without destroying our relationship?
Q. Great site with good advice. I thank all in advance who help me out here. My neice is an actor...kind of well known and I am looking forward to seeing her when I am in her part of the country at the end of August. I have sent her a few emails a...
A. 7 August 2017: Well, if the clause for you to have some sort of relationship with your niece is that you plunk money in some artsy-fartsy scheme, no business plan, no collaterals, no guarantees, no questions asked- that in practice means that you have to PAY her ... (read in full...)
Boyfriends parents don't like me
Q. Boyfriend's parents likes other girlfriend better? Why do I get upset when my boyfriend's family always has the other brother's girlfriend tag along? I feel like I am missing out and it sucks....
A. 7 August 2017: It is true, one man's meat is another man's poison... I can tell you that I know plenty of women that in your position would be elated !- to NOT always have to tag along with the inlaws and be left to your own devices, free to enjoy your bf's ... (read in full...)
Can we survive the distance?
Q. Recently started seeing this guy. We get on great and things are heading is a good direction. After my track history of men, I'm glad I've found someone who I think is genuine and decent. However. He has just told me that he failed his second y...
A. 4 August 2017: Can long distance relationships really work ?...
Go figure. Some do and some ( much more often ) do not.
It depends from many factors. Not only from how strong and sincere your feelings are, but also from practical considerations.
Like: yo... (read in full...)
Colleague keeps rejecting friendly advances
Q. Do I keep trying to talk to this moody younger work colleague? She's 25 and until 7 weeks ago would always say hi and make occasional small talk (she does chat a lot to her buddies,I'm not a buddy) She injured her back, was off work a few...
A. 4 August 2017: Do you keep trying to talk... ? No, of course. If you have tried a few times and she has never responded the way you'd want- it's high time you leave her be, and respect her choice of not being friendly with you.
She does not have to be warm... (read in full...)
I asked him:what about us after dating 4 months, he did not answer me at all.what should I do?
Q. What did i do wrong to deserve this? I have been dating with this guy i met online for 4 months. Everything was going great except he had a lot of family issues or work issues. Every time he was arguing his mom or sister, he was always talking ...
A. 3 August 2017: I have no idea if he wants to be back with his ex. Maybe not.
But , supposing that he does not want to be back with his ex, that would not necessarily mean that he wants to be with you in a serious relationship. It's not as if he must choose ,ma... (read in full...)
I asked him:what about us after dating 4 months, he did not answer me at all.what should I do?
Q. What did i do wrong to deserve this? I have been dating with this guy i met online for 4 months. Everything was going great except he had a lot of family issues or work issues. Every time he was arguing his mom or sister, he was always talking ...
A. 2 August 2017: If you did not get an answer, you can assume it is a resounding " no ". Otherwise, what's simpler than saying " Yes, great ! ". Or at least " I am not sure yet , I am going to think about it seriously " ".
You wanted to be a couple after 4 mont... (read in full...)
Do men ever regret dumping a good woman?
Q. Want to ask the other women on this site,I treated my ex great I thought, I did every thing to try to make him happy,its been over a year now, do you think he ever thinks of me. Do men ever regret dumping a good woman, oh he ghost me, never got a ...
A. 2 August 2017: " Ever " is a bit too final, but , generally speaking, no, I don't believe they do.
First, if someone realizes he made a big mistake, nobody prevents him from trying to fix it, by going back to the person they treated poorly, apologizing, eati... (read in full...)
I'm dating a guy who's rather pushy and doesn't want to compromise on even the smallest of things
Q. There's this guy I have been dating and he is overall wonderful. However, he's done things here and there that has shown me that maybe he can't really compromise. Once, we went dancing at a restaurant with a live band. We had a great time had s...
A. 29 July 2017: The condom episode is a huge red flag, as Code Warrior says it is at best unethical, and at worst , in some places, it's downright illegal. Ergo- you'd better give him his walking papers, just for that episode.
For the rest , though- it take... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is cheating, pressuring me to have sex. I'm afraid he'll leave me if I don't give in
Q. I am 19 and even tho i know all my friends are having sex, i know it doesn't mean i have to but i'm getting a lot of pressure from my boyfriend to do it right now. The pressure seems to be more and more as the days go on. And I will be honest, i ...
A. 29 July 2017: Let him walk away, then. You won't be losing anything valuable.
OP... hallooo ?? You caught him cheating on you multiple times ! he is an unabashed cheater !- have a little respect for yourself.
His excuse that he °must° cheat because he is no... (read in full...)
He makes faces when I talk about men I have dated. Is he jealous?
Q. If I mention the names of men who I admire or have dated, my co-worker always makes this scrunched up face like he smelled a nasty poopie. I don't constantly talk about other guys. Does this mean he is jealous? He also stares at me when he thinks ...
A. 28 July 2017: I don't think so. I am with Denizen, I think this guy's grimaces are the equivalent of a big eye roll. Maybe you don't talk about your exes or dates all the time, ok- but probably it is more often of what it is appropriate in work settings, with ... (read in full...)
Should my boyfriend accept his team leader's offer of money?
Q. My boyfriend started his job about seven months ago and his team leader at work fancys him a bit but knows about me, however she's offered to give him 50 quid towards a pair of trainers, now to ms I feel he shouldn't except this offer because she ...
A. 28 July 2017: Pardon me.. but, what a bum .
I do not believe much in the existence of " free lunches " in life, so yeah, I think too that this lady's offer comes with strings attached , and she would like paid back by other means than money.
But that's n... (read in full...)
Married man who I was having an affair with refuses to leave me alone
Q. Hello, Aunts! I've had an affair with a married man for over a year now. At first, I was swept off my feet by this man, whom I later found out was married. However, I stayed as he narrated the stories of his failing marriage and his impending di...
A. 26 July 2017: Everything that Code Warrior said, plus- you can tell him that if he bothers you just once more , you'll go straight to his wife and spill the beans to her. And to his parents too ( considering the tightness and importance of family ties in ... (read in full...)
Married woman flirts with me on and off. Why?
Q. So there's this female that I noticed when I started taking the train to work a little over a year ago. At the very beginning I noticed that she kept looking my way, even if I haven't looked at her I noticed through peripherals her glance. Anyway ...
A. 25 July 2017: What about, for company and for killing time ?
I don't think her marital status is very relevant - more her personality . Some people are chatty, social and outgoing and a " shooting the breeze " partner is a godsend to freshen up an othe... (read in full...)
I forgave him after his betrayal, but how can I warm this love up again?
Q. I am 27, yet still so naive in love. I will try to make this as short as possible. Both times when being betrayed, I never had a doubt because he was still treating me as good as we used to be. 6 months ago, my bf had feelings for a gir...
A. 25 July 2017: I second N91's opinion. I don't think you can bring back the warmness but most of all I don't think you should.
Come on, you caught him red handed once, you forgave him, he acted repentant and promised to never do it again, and then... you just... (read in full...)
I was falling for him and had to end it
Q. One of the hardest things I've done is ending an opposite sex friendship because we were getting closer than platonic admitted to having feelings for each other. There's a reason we can't be together, which I will not go into. We chatted almost d...
A. 24 July 2017: Are you maybe disappointed because you wanted a more dramatic reaction from him ? You wanted him to fight for you, to protest, to beg you ?
Did you by any chance sent that message more, deep down, to stir up things and elicit a reaction, than... (read in full...)
What now? We were hanging out together a lot and I got her free lift tickets and helped her get gear!
Q. I have been hanging out with a girl for 6 months. I moved to town a year ago and was looking to meet new people.. so I come along and offer to take her skiing. Help her get gear, free tickets and we go. Skied a couple of times hang out and life is ...
A. 24 July 2017: It may not be unreasonable, or it may be, it depends.
It is unreasonable , or at least SHE will feel that it is asking too much, and annoyingly trying to flog the same dead horse, if she has signaled clearly, that she won't do anything " date... (read in full...)
Why do men think its alright to comment on a woman's nether regions?
Q. This is probably more of a rant than anything, but what is up with some men thinking it's ok to comment on the look of a woman's vagina/vulva?! Whether it's not neat enough, 'beef curtains', too hairy, it 'looks loose'... the list goes on! My m...
A. 24 July 2017: Do they ?!
I see it like Ciar. Must be the company you keep. Imprudent, or simply , unlucky choice of associates.
What you mention never happened to me or anybody I know, and while I do prefer , and try to, hang out with civilized people w... (read in full...)
We've already decided we are going to break up eventually. Should we just do it now?
Q. I'm with someone I love dearly and we have almost been together for two years. Both of us are cautious about fully committing because of curiosity about other romantic options. I'm willing to stay and see where things go, but he is for sure ...
A. 22 July 2017: I tend to see it like Honeypie does. Not that what you ( and your dad ) say makes no sense. In fact, I believe too that changing your physical environment is a big, big help in ending a broken heart, and that putting physical distance between ... (read in full...)
/Why did my relationship status upset him so much?
Q. I am single woman with no children and look younger than my age.There is this guy Daniel at work who I have caught staring at me sometimes. Yesterday another older male coworker jokingly teased me saying that my husband spoilt me by pamperin...
A. 22 July 2017: I think I remember you have posted about this guy before ( and about the other girl who likes him and acts jealous )and tbh my impression is that you are practicing selective attention. You are cherrypicking certain episodes, this one for ... (read in full...)
Why do these ladies not make eye contact when I am speaking to them?
Q. Hello, This is not really a relationship question as such, but something that can be a little annoying sometimes. Pretty much every time I am with another male friend or colleague, and I have a conversation with a female, whether she be a friend, ...
A. 22 July 2017: No, it's not common courtesy. Not really.
Unless maybe it's an Australian thing. I have heard that there people tend to be very outspoken and direct so maybe looks follow suit .
But normally there are some context in which making e... (read in full...)
I'm disappointed that he suggested such a crummy hotel. Am I overreacting?
Q. Hi, thanks for your advice in advance. I'm 40 and my my boyfriend is 45. He took his children on a short vacation and asked me to go with them. I didn't accept his invitation because this is a new relationship, we have been together for 6 months, ...
A. 20 July 2017: Well.. for sure you are not too easy going :)
I am Italian so in theory I should " do " hospitality along your lines- and in Italy too , the tradition is, or actually ,perhaps, it USED to be , that if you have people over .. it's a nigh... (read in full...)
Did I ruin our date?
Q. So I was really wondering , how do you know if the date is going well? I've been on this date with a guy and the whole date we were laughing and talking with a few moments of silence but we were together for 5 hours and it was really fun and at o...
A. 20 July 2017: Naaahh, you did not.
As the other poster said, if your date lasted 5 hours we can reasonably assume that it went well, and that he was enjoying himself.
Then , dates do not have to be all " perfect " - all about deep thoughts, or romantic... (read in full...)
Can you stay friends after having a one night stand?
Q. About a month ago, I met a guy on a dating site. We would talk from night to morning every day. I kind of like him, but he rarely talked about himself. I was curious about him; therefore, I checked on him on Facebook and found out that he has a ...
A. 18 July 2017: It's not that's impossible or forbidden to stay friends after a one night stand- if both parties want it. But in your case, it's clear he does not want that. First, if he wanted a new platonic friend he would not be looking for her on a °dating° ... (read in full...)
Why has he not met me yet?
Q. There's this guy I like.... so he keeps making plans to meet me then goes quiet for the before and day of. Why, does he not really like me? Does he really like me and is nervous? We seem to get on well over text and phone and social medi...
A. 17 July 2017: If he always lets you down, why are you still there just waiting to offer him on a silver plate .. the chance to let you down one more time ??
Maybe it's normal that you are curious about the reason why- but, whatever it is, at the end of the ... (read in full...)
How do I find out if he's in contact with my colleagues?
Q. I used to work with a bloke and have texted him a few times, he doesn't respond and yet I sense that he is in contact with other people he worked with but not me. Before he left he made out that he wanted to keep in touch but instead ignores me ...
A. 17 July 2017: I don't see what you would gain from finding out the truth.
This man is not answering your messages and is ignoring you- that should be enough to signify that he does not want to stay in touch with you ( regardless of what he said when he left... (read in full...)
If he likes her then why is he trying to get my attention?
Q. This guy at work acts very nervous and shy around me but flirts with other girls in front of me but this one particular girl is always approaching him and tries to get his attention and they talk and laugh especially around me but he rarely ...
A. 15 July 2017: You don't know if he likes her,- and you don't know if he likes you. If he flirts with other girls in front of you, and , even without initiating , plays along when this girl flirts with him- it's very probable that he does not really., really ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's ex wife still comes into the house every week
Q. My boyfriend of a year is divorced three years and his ex wife comes into his house with their High School children to collect any things they have left there when hes at work. She comes in with them and into the lounge and kitchen etc and has a ...
A. 15 July 2017: Now, call me dumb but I don't quite see what's the big problem amd whay this woman is doing so terrible.
She has been granted a key to the house, and access to it when the kids need to go in. She takes them to fetch their things, and if whil... (read in full...)
My friend doesn't have enough to do. How do I tell her to back off?
Q. Im a single mum of a teenager i have full time as my ex didnt want to know. I also work so aswell as that i have housework on top. my child helps a lot too which im proud to say i dont have to harass him to help. I have a friend who doesnt work due ...
A. 15 July 2017: She's doing your head in ? Why ??
I mean, I am not much into texting myself, so I can understand that your friend is slightly annoying. Then again, a text is a text, not a royal summons. You don't have to answer it at once, you don't even have... (read in full...)
Why would he lie about who he is?
Q. I met this guy online and we've been talking for six months now. I'm in the US and he's in Canada. We ve been texting and video chatting almost every day and he says that he's falling for me, I'm his dream girl and he wants me to be his girlfriend. ...
A. 15 July 2017: Because he does not ? Not necessarily just because a perfect stranger met on line tells you big, romantic words, that means that these words are true. Talk is cheap.... (read in full...)
Is my daughter possibly being used by the guy she moved in with?
Q. My daughter has moved in with her boyfriend they have only being together 5 months and moved in with him after 2 months. She is paying him £300 a month plus half for food. It is his house and her name is not on the mortgage. She has also bought ...
A. 13 July 2017: Well, yes, a bit . Could be worse , though :)
In the sense that, of course she should be paying for her food, why should he be feeding her if she has an income and they are not even married ? As for the 300 pounds in rent, I suppose that yes it w... (read in full...)
Is it stupid to take back my ex in a month or two?
Q. I had been in a relationship for almost 6 years (engaged to be married) and my fiancé informed me almost a month ago he likes another woman. After plenty of time I decided one night to leave him and moved everything out and back to my parents ho...
A. 13 July 2017: Yes, it would be stupid. What's a month or two going you change in the fact that, beside crushing on another woman, he has been treating you crappy since one year and a bit ? You were engaged to be married, would do really want to be married ... (read in full...)
I want him back but I don't think my family and friends will like it
Q. I had been in a relationship for almost 6 years (engaged to be married) and my fiancé informed me almost a month ago he likes another woman. After plenty of time I decided one night to leave him and moved everything out and back to my parents ho...
A. 12 July 2017: Tou Wish is right, I think. What would be changed in just 2 months anyway ? It sounds like you have already made up your mind to go back to him, but you want to punish him a bit first, so you'll have a good sulk for a couple of months, and then... ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wont make an effort for me.
Q. Hi, I asked my boyfriend several times if he would go with me to the beach and he has always said no. Last time I asked he said that he would think about it, so I rushed to prepare our stuff and then I ask him again he says no! This happens ...
A. 3 July 2017: Well, he could say that you are not making an effort either - the effort to understand once and for all that he is an introvert , he sunburns easily and feels uncomfortable on a beach, - and going to the beach is more like punishment than fun to ... (read in full...)
What is the correct protocol for children that don't live at home and being invited out with us?
Q. I have a question for other blended families, I have two kids ages 12 and 7 and my fiance has two kids 22 and 18. The 22 and 18 year old live with their boyfriends and my children live with me and my fiance. Here is the question. When planning...
A. 3 July 2017: Well, the fact that this relationship is better than the previous ones does not mean per se that this is a good, or even sustainable, relationship. Maybe the previous ones were really terrible and this being slightly better still does not make it ... (read in full...)
What is the correct protocol for children that don't live at home and being invited out with us?
Q. I have a question for other blended families, I have two kids ages 12 and 7 and my fiance has two kids 22 and 18. The 22 and 18 year old live with their boyfriends and my children live with me and my fiance. Here is the question. When planning...
A. 2 July 2017: I see now Aunty BimBim's post - and I recant my advice. I take it back. Not that it's not sensible advice, in a normal average blended family situation. It is.
But yours is not exactly a typical situation, and your problem is not the etiq... (read in full...)
What is the correct protocol for children that don't live at home and being invited out with us?
Q. I have a question for other blended families, I have two kids ages 12 and 7 and my fiance has two kids 22 and 18. The 22 and 18 year old live with their boyfriends and my children live with me and my fiance. Here is the question. When planning...
A. 2 July 2017: I agree with Chigirl in almost everything . Of course you should have invited your bf's daughters to his special celebration - age is irrelevant in this case, same as the fact rhar they live by themselves. You should have invited them even if ... (read in full...)
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