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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Break-up, Make-Up Cycle and After a Loving Weekend, He Hasn't Called. Why?
Q. I recently left my boyfriend two weeks ago, and now we aren't talking. My purpose in leaving wasn't necessarily to break up,but because I wasn't going to tolerate the verbal and emotional abuse. He can be extremely controlling and gonon tirades. ...
A. 29 August 2017: You should thank your lucky star ! that, albeit involuntarily, you got rid of an abusive relationship. This guy sounds unhinged and , rather than musing over the why of his threatening and berating you, it's more practical and intelligent if you ... (read in full...)
It seems women lose interest in sex after a while ...
Q. Why do women lose interest in sex after being in a relationship for a while? Maybe this Isn't the case with all women, but it seems to be like a continuously notorious pattern in my relationships. Women lose interest in sex but I still want it....
A. 29 August 2017: Anon male reader : ..and some times you just need food, right ? because you are hungry. You just need to fill your stomach, with no distraction, no conversation, no social niceties... You just need to stop the unpleasant stimulus of hunger.
Reas... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says my friends took advantage of me.
Q. Hello Everyone! Just wanted some insight on this situation. Last night, my boyfriend and I had friends over (my friend and his girlfriend) to watch the Game of Thrones season finale. I cooked a lot more than my boyfriend thought I should have but ...
A. 28 August 2017: I can't see what your bf is bitching about, but maybe I'm biased . Cultural divide. In my country, when you host, you host. Guests are not expected, or encouraged , to lift a finger. They °might° venture a " Shall we give you a hand... ? " ( if ... (read in full...)
Is it ever ok for your boyfriend to insinuate that you're fat? Feeling hurt and ashamed, how do I react?
Q. Hey guys :-) I was just hoping for some advice. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years and I think of myself as a really good girlfriend to him. When we first got together we were both in very good shape. However over the years we've both put w...
A. 28 August 2017: Necessary disclaimer : I believe that beauty comes in all sizes and shapes. I think that a woman can be sexy and attractive , in her own eyes and in the eyes of men, regardless of her dress size. You don't need to be rail thin to look good- I mean, ... (read in full...)
I need space after an argument, but will it make things worse?
Q. Is it okay to turn off your phone after having an argument with your boyfriend? I feel like I need some space but at the same time I'm worried it will make the argument worse. ...
A. 28 August 2017: You don't need to turn your phone off, which is actually quite passive aggressive. You could communicate like reasonable adults ( at least, it's worth a try ! :) and if he calls, you could answer and tell him : " Look, I need some space right ... (read in full...)
I want my boyfriend to be more tactile!
Q. I am just back from a lovely weekend with my bf of 45 of one year. Things have been strained as he has joint custody of two pre-teen children and he works away twice a week plus there is 50 miles between us. There is no drama with his ex or ...
A. 26 August 2017: And what would you like to do, tactilizing him at 45 years of age ? Btw, I must say that I really don't see a lot of PDA and handholders in his age range, but maybe I am wrong or did not pay enough attention. Nevertheless, if he is a good man ... (read in full...)
Should I remind my boyfriend about the money he owes me?
Q. My boyfriend is not working at the moment but is trying hard to get a job. Last week I lent him £20 and asked him when he would give it me back, he said the next time he saw me. I've seen him twice now and no mention of the money. Should I ask for ...
A. 26 August 2017: Sigh... it's not the money, it's the attitude.
You do not dump people because they do not have 20 £, of course- you dump them because they have the wrong attitude and the wrong ethics.
This is a small loan, and I am sure the OP will be fine ev... (read in full...)
I'm shocked at being ghosted by him! How did you get over a situation like this? Advice?
Q. Hello everyone After 3.5 years of a LTR, my ex dumped me over the phone because he said it would be easier and that his mind was made up. He said he didn't want to see me upset or risk going back on his decision. The only thing he kept saying w...
A. 26 August 2017: Ok, I am going to take some flak here, but to be honest , I think what he is doing is normal , reasonable and smart.
He could have been less brutal in breaking up, but, brutal or diplomatic, merciless or sensitive, being dumped hurts anyway, and... (read in full...)
Should I remind my boyfriend about the money he owes me?
Q. My boyfriend is not working at the moment but is trying hard to get a job. Last week I lent him £20 and asked him when he would give it me back, he said the next time he saw me. I've seen him twice now and no mention of the money. Should I ask for ...
A. 25 August 2017: Tell him that he can be as laid back as he wants with his OWN money, not with other people's !
And he may not have been aware that the money was to be given back "with urgency", but hopefully he is aware of the words which come out of his mout... (read in full...)
My ex is contacting me again, what should I do?
Q. My ex and I had a messy break up. I got drunk, was upset and got into some trouble and ended up in hospital. I called my ex and left a message to say I was in hospital. She never came and I never heard from her. I ended up needing surgery. Year...
A. 25 August 2017: I agree with N91 on both counts :
- that she did not owe you assistence, or even a visit. You were broken up, and that entitles the broken ip people to also terminate any social contact or social niceries, if so they wish. Sure, it would have been... (read in full...)
I've been engaged forever but not married. Why?
Q. I’m in a 3 and a half years relationship with my now fiancé, who I met when he was stationed in the same country where I was working. We have been through many ups and downs in our relationship but we seem to be more stable now than we used to. His ...
A. 25 August 2017: The post title is misleading- you are not engaged. Engaged is when you have a plan and a time set for getting married; I don't mean a specific date " June 12th, 2019 "- but at least, " as soon as I graduate " or " as soon as we have the down ... (read in full...)
Is it too much to ask to want a virgin partner?
Q. I am 25 and a virgin guy. Is it too much to ask for a virgin partner? I mean i have no disrespect for those who aint and i believe that every person has a choice. PLEASE HELP! ...
A. 24 August 2017: No, it's not too much to ask for a virgin wife - in your culture and society. Everything is relative, and expectations should not be absolute, but consistent with what's going on in a particular location, time, and society.
Your request woul... (read in full...)
Should I remind my boyfriend about the money he owes me?
Q. My boyfriend is not working at the moment but is trying hard to get a job. Last week I lent him £20 and asked him when he would give it me back, he said the next time he saw me. I've seen him twice now and no mention of the money. Should I ask for ...
A. 24 August 2017: Yes, ask him. You may think it's petty, since the amount is so modest, and since ,if he is still not working, most probably he still can't pay you back. I suppose you do noy want to embarass him.. pointlessly , since you are not getting your money ... (read in full...)
Am I being unreasonable in supporting my husband financially?
Q. Am I being unreasonable in that my husband is from a different country and I help him out financially. I plan to go back to his country shortly teaching English and we are due to meet in Turkey beforehand to have a holiday. He wants us to be i...
A. 24 August 2017: You are being unreasonable in leaving your job to go teach English in a foreign, Muslim country, burdened with the responsibility of supporting an unemployed, destitute , demanding , ungrateful husband ! But- that was not your questiin, OK- so , ... (read in full...)
Should I avoid family connections when applying for a post?
Q. hi. im 26, female. done postgrad. I never wanted to get reference/recommendation for any job. because I want a job on my own caliber. but my mother did it (SHE RECOMMENDED MY NAME) last year without asking me to her long lost brother in law who is ...
A. 24 August 2017: Yes, you are. You can't spend your life monitoring what your relatives , or any other people, think, and you shoild not even try. You can't make decisions for your life and future just based on what people MIGHT think. What about your future ... (read in full...)
Why won't he Marry me?
Q. Hi, I have been with my partner 6 years next month. I never wanted to get married, was never something that was important to me. Until I was in love. We have been together 6 years and have agreed to start trying for a baby next year after my friends ...
A. 23 August 2017: I think that CMMP is right; if your bf is around your age ir just slightly older , most probabaly he will feel that he is too Young to get married, and that marriafe is one of those nice but farawat things that grown up people do , but " one day". ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is asking for more than I can afford.
Q. Dear Aunts, I have been visiting my boyfriend for a week now so today im leaving ive decided to take him out for lunch. He just told me that it would be better if i buy him grocery. Im a student I don't have that kind of money. All i wanted was to ...
A. 23 August 2017: I think we need a bit of context here.
Like, where all this is going on, and how much food does he want you to buy him . Enough for a couple of meals ? for a week ? For a month ?!
You see, I am a little perplexed because, at least in the coun... (read in full...)
A co-worker made an unkind remark that really hurt me. How do I cope?
Q. I'm feeling very hurt today. At my previous job (as well as life in general) you could say that I'M not the most organized person (not filthy, but more of an issue of putting things back where they belong, avoiding clutter and procrastination,etc. ...
A. 23 August 2017: Much would depend from the context.
If this person said it with a smile or a wink or anything suggesting that he/ she was laughing WITH you, not at you - loosen up. Banter and jokes and a bit of ribbing are rather common in workplaces, in fact... (read in full...)
Is it common for a man to steal and wear his partner's panties?
Q. Ok I was with my long distance lover three Months ago.He told Me over the phone that he stole a pair of my Panties ...did I realize they were missing? No... he said When He put them On he got hard... said he liked that the Panties were ...
A. 22 August 2017: No, common is not common, -in the sense that it does not happen that often, it is not very usual. Then again, neither it is a big deal, as fetishes go it's pretty tame- there are much weirder ones around. If this is brand of kinky, it sounds ... (read in full...)
I'm ready to leave, but how do I take my dignity with me?
Q. Ive been seeing a 34 year old guy for two full months now. He treats me well, takes me out to nice places well until i saw him texting other girls on social me. I caught him once flirting with girls the one time we went shopping together. I told him ...
A. 22 August 2017: I don't see what dignity has got to do with your predicament.
He is a flirt- you want somebody serious, committed and only focused on you.
You told him to stop- he did not stop.
You used to like him, but now you secretly hate him.
Why c... (read in full...)
He says the sex is better with me but he still keeps his girlfriend. Do I wait around or end things?
Q. Back in January I met this guy on Tinder. We started off talking every single day just clicking really well and having great conversations. After we met one or two times we had a conversation and he said that he wasn't looking for a relationship and ...
A. 21 August 2017: You have doubts about what to do, because you start from a wrong premise- that if he should break up with his gf, he'd want to date you.
He would not. He wants FWB with you , that's all.
When he was single he did not want to date you, because ... (read in full...)
She's boring and bland and I need to cut her loose but how do I let her down without hurting her feelings?
Q. Hello everyone, I've recently been speaking to a girl that I got speaking to through social media. I just randomly messaged her one day and things took off and we've now been speaking for roughly two months. We went on a date after about 10 d...
A. 21 August 2017: I agree that if there's no spark, there's no spark and the best thing to do for both of you now is cutting ties without further ado. She will be hurt , since she likes you more than you like her- but you can't make an omelette without breaking the ... (read in full...)
How can I manage my wedding envy?
Q. First let me tell you that I know how utterly ridiculous I sound, but here's the story. I am 29 and have been with my partner for 9 years and we are engaged. We have travelled together and have good jobs. We were going to get married this year bu...
A. 19 August 2017: OK, I'll be a total bitch and I will spell out what I suspect you feel , deep down, and it's nagging at you :
after 9 years of a " strong " relationship, sure there's no reason to rush, it's not a race ... then again there's also no reason to d... (read in full...)
Family problems blighting my future with him
Q. Me and my fiancé have been together for over 2 years now. During his past relationship with his ex' this women had already had a child by someone else. This child was very little when they started dating. During the time they were together he got ...
A. 19 August 2017: But the other kid IS a part of the family, insofar he is the halfbrother of your bf's daughter ! Your bf got himself a daughter who had an older brother, and your ( future ) MIL a grandchild who had an older brother. If the two kids live together ... (read in full...)
Am I too sensitive or he just rude?
Q. Would you be upset at your BF for ignoring a "Thinking of you" text you sent to him? I can see he opened it but he didn't respond. About an hour later, I saw he was on Facebook for 45 min til 11 p.m. While he was on FB I sent him a heart on ...
A. 19 August 2017: Yes , you should leave him. You'd both be happier. If in 4 years you haven't managed to turn him from what he is into the affectionate, effusive, lovey dovey type that you want- it's time to give up, - 4 years is a long time, you must be able to ... (read in full...)
Why can he have an orgasm now?
Q. been with my bf 21 yrs.he has never had orgasim from oral,we broke up 7 months ago now were trying to work on getting back together,when i give him oral now he does have orgasims why not before please help me understand....
A. 19 August 2017: I think too that the OP is concerned about his ex having had new or different experiences during their break up- like , he met some lady who provides state -of-the art oral sex and raises BJs to a whole new level of sensation.
But :
1 ) even... (read in full...)
My husband is unaffectionate
Q. My husband literally acts like I'm invisible he never hugs/kisses me or shows me any love at all. I've asked him over and over what's wrong or whether he still loves me he just says that he does love me yet never changes. I even asked him if h...
A. 19 August 2017: I guess it's different of this coldness just showed up at some point out of the blue or if he always was unaffectionate.
Every change, particularly sudden changes, means something. Not necessariy something negative like cheating, but if a pers... (read in full...)
How best to take time from busy office for interviews?
Q. My company consists of 7 people including my manager. We are a small company but work exclusively for a major client. One of my colleagues recently left the company and the work has been redistributed to us. It's short term manageable but not ...
A. 19 August 2017: I think most responders forgot or ignore that the OP is from USA, where vacation days are a perk, not a right.
There ìs no statutory minimum employee leave from work. In theory, they could have you working non-stop year round.
In practice... (read in full...)
I blurted out I LOVE YOU to my married boyfriend. Why does he still want to be with me?
Q. I told my married boyfriend of 3.5 years that I LOVE HIM yesterday. It just came out. I did not mean to say it but I did. He was asking me why do I stay with a guy like him? He called himself average, boring, not so attractive yet said I am ...
A. 12 August 2017: OP, .. do you really honestly seriously believe that he can have his pick among women willing to spread their legs for him ? ( If he pays , maybe ! )
First of all, he is MARRIED and not inclined to change his status. That makes him as desi... (read in full...)
Having sex all the time is really putting me off having sex
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together about seven months now. Things are kosher for the most part with a few small arguments here and there. One of the few things about the relationship that bother me is his sex drive. When we started dating I ...
A. 12 August 2017: You don't think that relationship should be so disposable ?
Maybe not all of them. But bad relationships should be very very disposable, expediently and with few regrets. Once you have talked, and explained, and made your wishes known, and trie... (read in full...)
I bought a house with my boyfriend, am falling out of love and have fallen for a man on the other side of the world
Q. Hi aunts and uncles, First off please no judgement I didn't expect any of this to happen Need some help here. So I'm 38 no married no kids but have just in the last three months purchased a house in my hometown with my partner of four...
A. 12 August 2017: Yeah, it looks like a sort of mid-life crisis.
You feel frustrated and uninspired in your current relationship, and stuck what with the house and everything,- but you aren't brave enough to just make a clean break and free yourself of ties, emot... (read in full...)
My fiance has stopped trying to make me happy. Its making me not want to marry
Q. I think my husband to be is taking me for granted and he doesnt really care about my feeling now. He no longer try his best to make me happy. When we meet he talk with me like im annoying him or like he is bored. He seems to lose passion toward me ...
A. 11 August 2017: Simple- don't marry him. You hate him, you hate his mother, you hate the idea of being part of his family and of living with them ( not that I blame you ) . Why are you even considering getting married ?
Because, maybe, one day he will be succ... (read in full...)
Wife won't share "our" car. Is she being unfair?
Q. My wife doesn't work and hasn't for years despite us not having any kids. She quit her last job with my blessings. It was worth it to me just to not have to listen to her complain about it and I make a decent income such that she doesn't have to ...
A. 11 August 2017: You could meet halfway - she takes you to work in time every morning, and you make it back home on your own according to your variable and unpredictable times, either by getting a ride from some colleague or using public transportation or ... (read in full...)
How can I stop thinking of myself as a failure and get my life in order?
Q. i've failed to establish any sort of relationships with women. I've never had any confidence in myself and always dreamed of having a girlfriend. I'll be honest and say that I felt that having a woman would somehow validate me. I know this is wrong ...
A. 11 August 2017: This may sound simplistic, but, why don't you start from looking for, and securing yourself, a job ?
and I don't mean just sending out CVs or signing up at the job center, which you probably are already doing. I mean taking your job search seri... (read in full...)
Why is this former FWB guy contacting me?
Q. Why would a guy clearly delete my number and then pop up asking for it again? Hi, so I'm currently 18 and last year me and my guyfriend of nearly two years had sex. He took my virginity and we had sex a few times but as friends. I know, I should'v...
A. 11 August 2017: I agree with N91. He wants sex . ( Your ex FWB, not N91 : )... (read in full...)
Each time I nearly had sex I pulled back .... now we have split up!
Q. Hi, Me and my now ex boyfriend broke up and it was a very hard decision for us to make because we love each other very much...We met about four months ago at work and we've been together for a month and a half before our break up. Everythi...
A. 11 August 2017: Don't sweat it. Do go and seek professional help if you think that you may have mental or physical blocks which make sex scary / dirty / unappealing for you in general, but not just to sort yourself out in order to make yourself apt to service ... (read in full...)
I've concerns about this LDR.
Q. This guy has just asked me to be his girlfriend but dropped the bombshell that he's moving to Edinburgh for at least a year. We sorta agreed that we would try Long distance and everything was as good as it could be. However, the last few day...
A. 11 August 2017: Do you know why exactly you are supposed to be a secret for his family ?
Who are you, Romeo and Juliet ?
I suppose the guy will be in your age range, so if he wants to date it is not strange , not a scandal, and not skin off his parents'... (read in full...)
Is my sister trying to control everything realating to our ageing parents!
Q. Is this my younger sisters way of being in control of things, ie about my ageing parents? Im the oldest Younger bro and sis who have families, I have noone, no family or partner Parents are 70 and 74, active and ok health, live indep...
A. 11 August 2017: Why does it necessarily have to be about control ? Why having necessarily to put a negative spin on a kind gesture ?
Yes, it is possible that your younger sister, living closer and seeing your parents much more often than you siblings, has ... (read in full...)
My brother is about to be taken for a ride by an online Romanian stripper!
Q. My older brother is marrying a 21 year old stripper from Romania to bring her to the US. He met her on a webcam girl site. It is likely a romance/green card scam. He is really in a mid life crisis (48) and this is totally out of character for him. ...
A. 10 August 2017: In a way, let's hope that she wants a green card !, in the sense that she is actually willing to move, proceed with the wedding and give your brother at least some sex and companionship or whatever he is looking for, before she is settled in the ... (read in full...)
I blurted out I LOVE YOU to my married boyfriend. Why does he still want to be with me?
Q. I told my married boyfriend of 3.5 years that I LOVE HIM yesterday. It just came out. I did not mean to say it but I did. He was asking me why do I stay with a guy like him? He called himself average, boring, not so attractive yet said I am ...
A. 9 August 2017: anon male :... But not many married men who are after side sex have got the luxury to pick and choose whomever they want. The guy is not in his prime agewise, he is average, boring and not so attractive by his own definition. Plus, there aren't ... (read in full...)
Should I tell his girlfriend he's been having an online affair with me?
Q. So I met a guy online and instantly fell for him. We live cross country so the chances of us meeting were pretty slim I guess. Still, he told me how much he liked me and wished he lived closer so I could be his girlfriend. At one point, he even said ...
A. 8 August 2017: I would not do it.
I think you'd be acting out of a desire to fuck up his life for revenge, more than out of sincere compassion and female solidariety. I do not criticize you for that. It's normal that you feel furious and humiliated and that... (read in full...)
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