A
male
age
26-29,
*am Wilson
writes:Sorry for asking again so soon, I just have nobody to talk to anymore and my problems are bothering me a bit. My life's in a focal point right now and I need blunt non friend and family advice.Thanks.Long story short my Girlfriend for over 1 and a half year, we are living in separate states after finishing college and considering on an Long Distance Relationship or ending it now Amicably.My girlfriend had an idea on breaking off contact and testing the waters for two weeks. We both agreed to the idea since we basically had no choice, if the time ends and we are both miserable we resume our LDR and try a better way, and if not we just break up.We are nearing seeing each other again and its driving crazy I am now almost two weeks into my new job while she's doing her thing as well.We agreed that its okay to see other people if its what they really want.I just accepted that sooner or later this was gonna happen anyway and accepted the terms.Were almost through with the two weeks but Im feeling MISERABLE,PARANOID, and JEALOUS. Is this normal?Im so so scared Ill lose her.Should I be honest, and tell her a heartfelt speach that I know will sound super CLINGY? Does that thread on sweet or creepy?
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male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (5 September 2017):
"Is this normal?"YES. I have been 10 years with my GF, with very long LDR patches that are VERY PAINFUL, and you get very anxious specially if your girlfriend is gorgeous and haves a crowd of men stalking/courting her."I'm so so scared Ill lose her."IT'S OK TO FEEL SCARED. I feel scared many times too, specially now that she is away taking care of her sick mother, I can't be around her, and there are several guys (who have girlfriends) wanting something with her. Buy you know what? I never tell that, because I'm only going to scare her away. Never tell a woman you are feeling jealous or they will keep doing what they are doing!"Should I be honest, and tell her a heartfelt speach that I know will sound super CLINGY? Does that thread on sweet or creepy?"DON'T DO IT, YOU ARE GOING TO SCARE HER AWAY! YOU NEVER WANT TO BE SEEN AS CLINGY NOR CREEPY!Instead, rephrase your heartfelt speech, and tell her in a very confident and secure way that you want her to be with you, even if it's a LDR, and that you love her and that you really care about her (don't say it in a needy and clingy way). Tell her that you have a lot of feelings for her that you can't express because you can't find the right words, but if she doesn't wants to continue the relationship, you are 100% ok with that. (even if it's a lie). Tell her that you don't want to date other women; you only want to date with her, and that you are willing to put the effort to make this work even with that long distance between you. If you see, what I wrote before sounds manly, not needy, yet honest and coming from the heart. You are the alpha male here, you are the one in control (apparently) of the situation. You are telling her that you are cool with her dating other man, but that you are not going to be dating other woman because SHE IS SPECIAL FOR YOU, AND YOU ONLY WANT TO DATE HER. That's a lot more sweet and not creepy as what you posted in here, which YOU SHOULD NEVER TELL HER!. Change it, adapt it as you will. Just remember to look confident about that you want and how you want it. It's a privilege being with you, the alpha male, and you need to remind her of that privilege, and never do things that beta males do (like acting needy, clingy, creepy, etc).I wish you the best luck!
A
male
reader, Sam Wilson +, writes (3 September 2017):
Sam Wilson is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well thank you, CindyCares , Billy Bathgates, and Anonymous female.
ME and MY GIRLFRIEND met each other again and really found everything was not quite working out and as of this moment we are still in a relationship.
Due to realizing that long distance relationship is not for us, and also knowing that we still feel for each other we cant push ourselves to break up for now.
We are now exploring more physical and feasible ways for us to be together.
Thank you guys for expressing your opinions. I guess I was so caught up in being alone that I asked for help again.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 September 2017):
 Your GF had a stupid idea. What's a two weeks break supposed to accomplish ? To see if you are going to miss each other ? well, of course you are going to miss each other, if you liked each other enough before the break ! No big revelation here . And one can also find himself/herself missing the other really a whole lot. Then again, if for some reason the relationship is not viable and not advisable, either one can also decide that they 'll stiff upper lip, deal with the longing, and go on with their life.
It's not how uncomfortable you feel without a person which determines if carrying on the relationship is the best thing to do or not. There are many other factors at play.
In your case, I'd say that unluckily you do not seem to be the right type for LDRs. If after not even 2 weeks you are feeling so miserable, paranoid and jealous, imagine how it can go on from there : horribly ! LDRs are difficult and are only right for people who are very secure in their relationship, know what they want, trust totally their partner and the depth of their mutual feelings, are committed on both sides to make it work, and , least but not last, have got the time, the will and the money to visit each other regularly and decently often, in lack of which it all becomes inevitably not a relationship but a comforting fantasy or a glorified pen pal.
In short, it does not seem that you can handle it, and , tbh, it's not clear if she WANTS to handle it. The brave, and sane , thing to do would be probably to end it now- otherwise, chances are that you'd be just prolonging the agony.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (3 September 2017):
There is no such thing as a two week break. She has broken up with you. Sh just doesn't want to tell you. It is time for you to get on with your life without your GF because she is nwyour ex GF.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2017): It's being in limbo that's causing your issues but really before you send a long msg think how this l d r could really work ... when will you see each other it has to be every wk to keep the spark there and jealousy at bay ... you both need to be willing to put in the time ... but clearly you want a full time relationship so don't settle for less ... but msg her and talk
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