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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Do I keep trying to contact him? Or cut contact despite his debts to me?
Q. Dear Cupid. I think I know the answer but I need some advice... So, I have been helping out an ex from seven years ago with rent while he's jobless for the last six months (He rents out a room in a house) (I offered to help him) on top ...
A. 9 November 2017: The police can't do anything for you. You don't even have a receipt for the money you lent him, he can deny that he ever got anything from you, or say that it was a gift ! How would you prove that you are owed that money ?...
But even if you had ... (read in full...)
Do I keep trying to contact him? Or cut contact despite his debts to me?
Q. Dear Cupid. I think I know the answer but I need some advice... So, I have been helping out an ex from seven years ago with rent while he's jobless for the last six months (He rents out a room in a house) (I offered to help him) on top ...
A. 7 November 2017: He's been ignoring you because you have stopped giving him money. When you can give money and help, he likes you- when you can't...not so much.
It's simple and evident, and I am glad it begins appearing evident to you too.
You fell for him at a... (read in full...)
Why was he was so mad because I answered his phone?
Q. Hi. Last night my bf got so mad at me and left my place at 2 am. He fell asleep on the couch while I was watching a movie, around 130 am I noticed on his phone maybe like 10 phone calls then like 10 messages, his phone is always in silence so he ...
A. 26 October 2017: I was not particularly differentiating between cell phone and landline ; more between home and work.
Meaning that, IF the workplace policy is that no calls should go unanswered and no phone be left unmanned- then if the phone rings and your... (read in full...)
I found out my husband went for an adult massage before we married
Q. I just checked my husband phone and found out that he went to adult massage before we marry 2 months back. His friend asked him to join last week and he rejected it as he said hes broke now. Yes he is financially unstable now as he loss some from ...
A. 26 October 2017: Your husband is a smooth one. By throwing a big , childish, ( and , I have no doubt, STAGED ) tantrum, he deflects the attention from his wrongdoings ( cheating on you ) to yours ( mistrusting him ). Well, why should you not mistrust him ? He ... (read in full...)
Why was he was so mad because I answered his phone?
Q. Hi. Last night my bf got so mad at me and left my place at 2 am. He fell asleep on the couch while I was watching a movie, around 130 am I noticed on his phone maybe like 10 phone calls then like 10 messages, his phone is always in silence so he ...
A. 25 October 2017: @ Denizen : are we still talking about a cell phone ? The type which you make personall calls from, bring home after work, and generally keep in your pockets- unless you forget it on your office desk :)? ..
Then the answer is , obviously, stil... (read in full...)
The relationship I am in has become exhausting
Q. So I need to preface this by saying I am not a second-chances person. Basically once someone loses my faith or trust, they usually can't get it back. That being said, I dated this guy for about a year, from September of last year to earlier ...
A. 23 October 2017: Maybe I am reading this all wrong ( I hope so ) but to me that's basically a complicated version of " I love you , but I am not in love with you ".
He apparently is not feeling something that, in his mind, he should be feeling. Everything is good... (read in full...)
Why was he was so mad because I answered his phone?
Q. Hi. Last night my bf got so mad at me and left my place at 2 am. He fell asleep on the couch while I was watching a movie, around 130 am I noticed on his phone maybe like 10 phone calls then like 10 messages, his phone is always in silence so he ...
A. 23 October 2017: I respectfully disagree with Denizen- or, at least , conclude that we hang around very different people and different gardens :).
I don't know anybody, literally anybody , with such a poor sense of boundaries to go answering the phone in s... (read in full...)
Do I keep trying to contact him? Or cut contact despite his debts to me?
Q. Dear Cupid. I think I know the answer but I need some advice... So, I have been helping out an ex from seven years ago with rent while he's jobless for the last six months (He rents out a room in a house) (I offered to help him) on top ...
A. 23 October 2017: Stop contacting him. Why, do you think that if you keep pushing , you'll see your money back ? unlikely. You have been trying to contact him for the past 2 weeks, and he has been ignoring you, and not even bothering to let you know when, or IF, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend was kissed by a gay guy and now he wonders if he is bi?
Q. My boyfriend of 10 months just told me he was kissed by a gay guy at a party I wasn't able to attend, and also told me he thinks he might be bi now. I'm just wondering if other people consider this cheating. I'm pretty uncomfortable with the whole ...
A. 23 October 2017: Would you consider it cheating if he had kissed another girl ?
Yes ?
Then it's cheating also if he kisses another guy.
I don't see what the gender of the kissed makes a difference. Whether your bf has kissed a girl, a boy , or a hermaphrodit... (read in full...)
He is not being supportive and I am literally broken because of what is happening!
Q. Hi, me and my boyfriend have been going out for 6 months and a few days ago I found out I was pregnant. We both currently live 100 miles apart and only get to see each other once a week. We decided an abortion was the best option for us as it wou...
A. 23 October 2017: As other DearCupiders have said, this guy is an idiot and a dick. Someone you can dispose of with no regrets . Just file him under " life lessons ".
I must say that if he is in your age range, maybe toward the lower end of it, this is not surp... (read in full...)
Is 15 years too big a gap for us?
Q. Hi I have been talking to a guy on line who states he is 39 although looks a little older in his picture. I am a 54 year old woman but I do not look my age and have stated that I am 43. I work as Cabin Crew and surrounded by loads of young p...
A. 23 October 2017: 15 years is a big age gap and some men would think that's too much and would not consider a relationship with you. While some others would not care and would say that age is just a number etc.etc.
Both categories have the same right to an info... (read in full...)
Why was he was so mad because I answered his phone?
Q. Hi. Last night my bf got so mad at me and left my place at 2 am. He fell asleep on the couch while I was watching a movie, around 130 am I noticed on his phone maybe like 10 phone calls then like 10 messages, his phone is always in silence so he ...
A. 23 October 2017: Excuse me ?!...
There may be also a cultural component, probably, but I can assure you that I am not Arab, I am not Muslim and I am not a man, yet I would go berserk if someone presumed to do what you did.
You are not even married !, or living t... (read in full...)
My long distance love wants me to send sexy pictures of myself
Q. I've been going out with this boy for 2 months now and it's a LDR situation. I knew it was going to be hard to not spend all that time together but I felt I could handle it. Lately he's been asking me to send naughty pictures to him and it m...
A. 23 October 2017: I think I asked you this already previously ( - or maybe it was another poster in a similar situation ) but :- why aren't you " majorly fussed" that he won't call you when his parents are at home ?? It IS something to be majorly fussed about, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend revealed a secret and my question is how do I deal with what he told me?
Q. My new boyfriend of almost 5 month has been suffering from ptsd i knew this when we first got together , he decided to be open tonight and told me a shocking secret he had kept from me , he admitted he sometimes smokes weed to help him relax and ...
A. 21 October 2017: Curious how the people who suggests you to relax your stance
on drugs seems to forget that cannabis is a class B illegal drug in Uk, and its commerce / trafficking is punished with up to 14 years in jail, while even simple possession can land... (read in full...)
Does my FWB have feelings for me?
Q. I've been friends with benefits with a guy for over 3 years. We hook up nearly every week. I telephoned him today to speak to him, he was busy building a draw and I didn't realise I was on loud speaker, during the call we were talking and he was ...
A. 21 October 2017: No, Op, it won't work out " one day ". I am not saying that it is absolutely , 100% impossible to be " upgraded " from bootycall/FWB to regular hf or wife. It just happens , percentually, very very seldom, and, most of all, 3 years is quite a ... (read in full...)
Most of the things he does really gets on my nerves!
Q. I have been going out with a guy for almost a year now, when we first started going out I thought he was really sweet and I really liked him, we see each other every week but now it's been nearly a year I feel like things have changed, he still ...
A. 21 October 2017: But you have been giving him a chance, for a whole year. You have been dating since almost one year... and it's almost one year that you feel things have changed and you aren't as happy with him as at the very beginning.
That means, I guess, that... (read in full...)
This woman is getting close on the train!
Q. I catch the busy train to work in Tokyo everyday and there is this cute younger lady who gets on along the way. I am usually standing near the door anyway but somehow she seems to find her way in front of me so we are hugged and crushed together. We ...
A. 20 October 2017: I think you are reading too much into this.
If you are really squeezed so tight against each other, the young lady could simply be moving her hands or legs in the attempt to get some elbow room , and make herself more comfortable.
Also, since yo... (read in full...)
Was I out of line and is my boyfriend right in not trusting me?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 years now. A few months ago I met a guy at work who I messaged after I left the job. He was quite flirty with me in this conversation but I didn't think it meant anything. About a month later he messaged...
A. 20 October 2017: You were out of line and I suspect you know it. Of course nobody can stop you from seeing your friends, but this guy was not a friend. He was not somebody who shares your ardent passion for, say, antiques and could not wait to show you his late ... (read in full...)
Do mixed signals just mean he's not interested?
Q. There's a guy in my graduate program who is very handsome. I knew him previously from a class during undergrad as well. He is also a gentleman and very kind to everyone he comes by. He's naturally friendly, social, and sweet. He says and does things ...
A. 19 October 2017: Sorry, OP, I thought you meant you were around each other also in undergrad, so at least one year ago.
The timeline is important, because ut does make a difference if you have been hanging out since ine year or one mointh. One year, - plentu of t... (read in full...)
Why would my guy friend joke about marrying me? Does it mean anything?
Q. This isn't the first time this guy has joked about us and marriage, but this just happened recently. I was over a friend's house, it was 4 of us. 2 guys and 2 girls (myself included). I said to Guy A: Heyy you need to find me a Caribbean husban...
A. 19 October 2017: I would not go shopping for a wedding gown just yet :)
Also because, if guy B really meant that he is thinking of marrying you- he would not make such a great husband, right ?, since he also implies that he would cheat on you ( and risk eati... (read in full...)
Is masturbation gay?
Q. If you are not thinking of anything and just masturbating for pleasure is this homosexual?...
A. 19 October 2017: Why should it be a gay thing ?? Everybody masturbates, gay and hetero !, if they want to visualize / think of something, or not, it's just their personal preference.... (read in full...)
He's getting back together with his ex but doesn't want to lose my friendship
Q. I met a guy on-line. We dated for about 3 months and became intimate. He recently announced that he has been talking to his ex girlfriend and they have decided to try it again but he does not want to lose my friendship. He wants to meet with me....
A. 18 October 2017: Maybe advice is not so welcome :) because I remember that you posted recently and we ALL told you not to waste your time on a meeting with this man and his " confusion ".
It seems that you have really your heart set on meeting him again, so , by a... (read in full...)
Do mixed signals just mean he's not interested?
Q. There's a guy in my graduate program who is very handsome. I knew him previously from a class during undergrad as well. He is also a gentleman and very kind to everyone he comes by. He's naturally friendly, social, and sweet. He says and does things ...
A. 18 October 2017: You have two different and opposite options, IMO, but strangely they both can work in their own way.
1 ) do nothing and accept that , although he finds you attractive, funny, entertaining etc., he does not want to date you. What's so strange abou... (read in full...)
What should I do about feeling inadequate?
Q. First off, this is quite the premature question, but tonight, its all I can think about. A year ago, I had to escape a mentally, physically, sexually, and verbally abusive relationship. It was difficult to say the least. A few months after we ...
A. 18 October 2017: Oh you are good enough for him. And a bit starry eyed :).
Not to demolish your hero, I am sure he is a great guy but, let's be realistic. He is in late 20s and still in his " last few years " of college - I mean, people graduates at 21 in USA ... (read in full...)
Is it a good sign that he told her?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I wanted to know what your opinion was on this. My new boyfriend of a month has a huge circle of friends and he's pretty well loved by people as the "nice" guy/good guy. Yesterday he told me he spoke to this girl and told her...
A. 16 October 2017: It is a good sign, insofar he did just the correct thing both toward her and toward you.
If they went on a date , and she has a crush on him, and things were sort of undefined , in the gray area still, and she might legitimately have thou... (read in full...)
Have I blown my dream job with a wrong answer?
Q. Hi I just applied for my dream job in an IT company and got invited for interview. Interview had 4 rounds and I cleared all of them. But after the rounds we had a small question answer round about the job. They asked me whether I'm okay with ni...
A. 16 October 2017: If you don't get the job, I 'd exclude it's because of the way you answered. You answered honestly and sincerely BUT showing flexibility and willingness to cooperate. Non - consecutive free days is not your preference ( no wonder; I bet there are ... (read in full...)
My friend was in town and didn't tell me
Q. A few months after a bad breakup, I reached out to my high school prom date who I'd always had a crush on. I suspected it may be mutual. We began talking and flirting regularly. He visited me once and I visited him once, as we live several hou...
A. 15 October 2017: Say what you mean and mean what you say . To yourself too, in fact to yourself most of all :).
Expectations expectations....You feel bad, and disappointed and foolish, because deep down you wanted this to be more than just a nice weekend and want... (read in full...)
I'm struggling with wanting more attention from him through texts!
Q. So I have posted about this previously, but I’m starting to get that feeling of neglect again. I feel terrible as I know my bf is working very hard and I hate asking him for more attention. The situation hit a breaking point a couple weeks ago, he ...
A. 14 October 2017: That may be the generational gap, but I am another one who thinks it's inane, and insane, trying to force your partner to a good morning / good night text routine , and deciding how much you are loved / respected based on how many texts ... (read in full...)
How do I handle this meeting with him after the news that he's trying to reconcile with his ex in Italy!
Q. I met an Italian guy recently. We talked on-line for a few weeks. Then he was in Italy for a month. We met when he came back. I was a little suspicious as to why such a long holiday in Italy as he has no children or parents. We met for the...
A. 14 October 2017: Do you really have to meet him ? What for ? Personally, I don't see the point.
He might offer you to rekindle sexually- and you said you are not going to do FWB, so this option is out. Or, he may offer you to stay friends, which, unde... (read in full...)
Does this age gap between us matter?
Q. I am 27years old and the love of my life d one I wanted to marry is 37years old by age.we both love each other so dearly and he is a man every woman would wanted as a husband because he has d attribute he is loving,caring,calm,hard work and lastly ...
A. 13 October 2017: Why would you lose the love of your life, - just because your mom and siblings do not like his age ?? If that's the only fault they can find in him... oh come on, I understand being a good daughter and sister, and also taking on board the opinion ... (read in full...)
My mother in law is an egoist and evil woman!
Q. I hate my mother in law. She is an egoist and evil woman. She is a cynist and speak badly about me behind my back. She keep posing a sullen face whenever im around. She used to be nice woman several years ago. But since this recent year, she changed ...
A. 13 October 2017: She does not like you- and you do not like her. You are even :)
Did you tell her openly that you think she is egoist and evil ? No ? Then... you are badmouthing her behind her back back ( by speaking badly of her to us ) same as she is spea... (read in full...)
He has kept in touch, but I thought he only wanted sex.
Q. Hi there! So i went on a date a few months ago with a lovely giy who i knew from primary school who just happens to now have his own tv series. We went out for a drink, had a lovely time. Then the next week he drove 3 hours to see his father (...
A. 13 October 2017: Yes, he would stay in touch just for the chance to sleep with another girl. It's not that shooting a short text every couple of weeks requires much time, effort and concentration. ... (read in full...)
Was my colleague right to feel left out?
Q. After opinions here.. A colleague A, has recently been off work sick for 3 1/2 weeks with tthe flu, most of us knew she was off, managers and some of us knew why. Shes a good worker, like us all! No different. She returned this week. As soon as...
A. 10 October 2017: I guess it depends from what's the social rule / custom /etiquette in your area for this kind of stuff.
For instance, where I live , you only send flowers to those who have been admitted to the hospital / have undergone surgery / both ( the two ... (read in full...)
How to move on after a bad relationship?
Q. Hi my name is Danielle and I am 24 years old I am currently single and living with my parents. I am writing this because I do not know how to go on and to move on with life. About a year ago I left my ex boyfriend.. I thought we were soulmates and ...
A. 10 October 2017: Have you thought of trying online therapy / counseling ?
There's a lot of people with time constraints like you , and remote, text -based counselling is rapidly growing in popularity.
BetterHelp is US based but has registered users from all... (read in full...)
I feel like I was second servings!
Q. Okay i really dont know what to do in this situation. So my freind is friends with this guy and they are just friends nothing more. So one day he spent the night at our apartment and I ended up having sex with him. I felt weird about sleeping with ...
A. 10 October 2017: Of course you are not the "bad guy " for wanting casual sex, OP, but, by your admission, - you don't get it. It's true, you just don't get it, yet it's simple :
You don't get to call dibs on some guy whom you had a drunken mindless hook up M... (read in full...)
Why do I put up with my sister in law's rubbish?
Q. Hello all, Could someone please tell me the meaning of when something is on the up and up? I am so angry right now and thank goodness I love my husband enough to put up with his family's crap albeit we do have arguments before I go out with t...
A. 10 October 2017: I think you need to grow a thicker skin and learn not to sweat the small stuff.
Relationships with in laws are often difficult because often it's people who do not have much , or anything ,in common, who would not choose each other as frie... (read in full...)
He cannot communicate and I don't know what to do
Q. I've recently started dating a guy. We've known each other for 4 years in total and we've helped each other through a lot in those 4 years. He ended up adding me from a whatsapp group that we were both in 4 years ago and we started chatting...
A. 10 October 2017: Communication issues ? I'd say these are bad manners issues, or shameless egocentrism issues !
He makes a date, can't ( or won't ) make it, and does not even bother to cancel it ? And any time he screws up, he just says " sorry ", out of habi... (read in full...)
Is it possible he wants more than sex?
Q. About a month ago, I downloaded the app Tinder out of pure boredom. I wasn't looking for a relationship because my previous one really messed me up and ever since then I've had a really hard time developing feelings for guys. I was in a place where ...
A. 10 October 2017: I agree with N91.
Possible, it is ; everything is possible ! never say never.
On the other hand ,it sounds like you really had back luck with guys, or low standards , and have met / accepted more indifference , coldness and rudeness that it'... (read in full...)
I feel like I was second servings!
Q. Okay i really dont know what to do in this situation. So my freind is friends with this guy and they are just friends nothing more. So one day he spent the night at our apartment and I ended up having sex with him. I felt weird about sleeping with ...
A. 10 October 2017: Sorry but... it serves you right.
Ok, let's rephrase this more gently : live and learn. There's a lesson in this episode, and the lesson is : if you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen ! You need to grow a much thicker skin uf you want... (read in full...)
Am I being too materialstic and self sabotaging?
Q. Am I being unrealistic? I am 50 and dating a man for close to three months who claims he is retired, I came to find out he was laid off and doesn't want to go back to work. I find myself paying more often when we go out, it is a huge turn-off. I ...
A. 10 October 2017: No. There's nothing wrong in wanting as a partner someone who is financially stable, or anyway at your same level of financial stability. It's the same as lokking for someone with a high sex drive if yours is high too, or for an active, outdoorsy ... (read in full...)
I have been helplessley in love with someone for too long, what do I do?
Q. I am in love with someone. I have known him for years now. When I fell in love with im, it was slow, and so pure. He was my first love. I love him with all of my heart. Around the time I fell for him he had a girlfriend. And that hurt my heart, b...
A. 9 October 2017: This is quite confusing.
You fell in love with him, but he had a beautiful girlfriend, so, no dice. Ok, so far it's clear.
But then ? If he is single now, why aren't you together ? If he loves you back ?...
You say that you told him many tim... (read in full...)
He found the girl he dumped me for was too costly and wants me to take him back.
Q. So, this guy and I were dating for almost two years and he proposed to me in May. A few weeks later he tells me hes going on vacation with his old crush/ friend since high school there both 28. But they have been friends forever. So, he breaks off ...
A. 9 October 2017: You did a nervous smile and thanked him..
Great ( groan ). He stalks you ! , he spies on you, he follows you around, he puts pressure on you... you are annoyed and irritated by all this and yet... you smile and thank him. ( WTF ? ). Beca... (read in full...)
Boyfriend & I are not seeing eye to eye on the future. Do I hang in there or say goodbye and good luck?
Q. My partner and I have been together for almost 3 years. We love each other, but have always fought in our relationship. I put it down to the fact that we don't see eye to eye with a lot of things. He is a city boy...his work + home are there. ...
A. 9 October 2017: In other words, you are saying : my way, or the highway.
Because he did offer a compromise, a reasonable , workable one.
Tbh, I don't understand what's the big deal about moving to the city for 3 -5 years- It's not like moving for 3- 5 months !... (read in full...)
Uncertain if he lied for the right reason
Q. Hi, I have been married for 4 years to a guy who seems devoted to me. I've had a lot of problems in the past. Before I got with my husband I had been through a rough time, I had had cancer and was just finishing chemotherapy and my youngest daughter ...
A. 5 October 2017: I don't think you are overreacting. At least, in your shoes I'd be shocked too.
Now, it's pretty common, and forgivable I think, at the beginning of a relationship to accentuate the similarities, to push the pedal a bit on the things you have in c... (read in full...)
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