A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I started a relationship about a year ago. We got along great and I thought there could be a future. But he took a temporary job out of state and has been gone for over 6 months now and will be even longer, maybe a year before we meet in person again. We have talked on the phone a lot at first but I have only been on about 5-6 in person dates due to his job and lots of traveling. I have a traveling job too and put off traveling with my job for this relationship, he said he was going to be back in town soon but still after there. I have since moved with my job since he has been gone the majority of the time (he did ask me to stay in his hometown and I said "Why you're not here"). He still wants to be together...or implies it when we talk. He says we will work this out. But I am not sure if I can have or want a relationship with someone over a year and not see them. A relationship to me is someone who you spend your time / life with. I keep hinting..."I am not sure this is going to work"...but not sure if he understands. I really do like him but I don't feel I don't know him well enough to put my life on hold till we meet again to see if we are really compatable. Is there any good way out of this? I hate being mean to anyone so not sure if not saying anything and hoping he will get the hint is worse then just saying bye and move on? I want to go out and meet people where I live now but feel dishonest with this "sort of relationship thing" even though I have talked to him on the phone 1 time over the last month. (I was hoping he would feel the same as I did about this relationship when I dropped those hints and he would go with it but guess not). I am not young (42) and just want someone to spend time with ...so is there a graceful way out?
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male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (20 December 2007):
 Talking on the phone once a month is not a good sign, it is not a sign of passion which can endure an at least 1 year of long distance relationship.
I would suppose you w would be calling each other every single day but no, it is not case.
And I am also strongly opposed to long distance relationship which risky, hazardous, depressing and really a burden on each side.
Give it up. Tell him on the phone simple, sad and straighforward.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): 42 isn't old either!
This plainly is not a relationship in the accepted sense of the word. Forget about being graceful. He's little more than an acquaintance really, so get yourself out, meet new people and get on with your life. If you meet someone new that you connect with, tell matey it's over and be done with him.
Phil
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (20 December 2007):
 I don't think that this relationship has actually been totally established, it sounds like it has just started and barely gotten off the ground. Under those circumstances, I don't think that you are committed to a long-distance relationship. So I don't think that it would be ungraceful to speak your mind and tell him that it is not going to work for you. Be frank and direct, phone him and break it off. Take care.
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