A
female
age
30-35,
*uffy
writes:ok,my mom and dad have been fighting for awhile and they are getting divorced after christmas.my dad isnt even gonna be with us for christmas hes just gunna stay home or go with his friends.i think itll be kinda weird without a dad.i feel like its my fault that they are divorcing.i feel kinda sad cuz we were always happy before i became a teenager.is it my fault because im such a handful?
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female
reader, muffy +, writes (22 December 2007):
muffy is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you guys for all your support and answers.i really appreciate it.love alwaysmuffy
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2007): If you're a BIG handful you probably won't be helping matters, but the root cause of their split is unlikely to have anything to do with you unless they can't agree about how you've been behaving and are fighting about that as well as everything else.
Phil
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2007): Hey! It's not your fault - parents split up because of each other, not because of their kids.
I'm sure you weren't really that much of a handful anyway and I'm sure that you're a lovely girl. I'm sorry that it had to happen to you.
But be strong. You'll still see both of them and they both still love you. x x x
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A
male
reader, leonard j, Douglas  +, writes (22 December 2007):
Sometimes us parent don't have a lick of good sense,and we can't see that marriage take a lot of hard-work to make it work. So just like two jackass's we end-up pulling in different directions And then blame each other for the things that go wrong within our marriage and in our lives. No one promised us a rosegarden,inside or outside of marriage. You are a rose that sprung-up in their garden of Love, and it was up to them to love you and also to nurture that beautiful flower,but it seems that their Meism just won't let them come to their senses. And if you'er such a handful,Oh! How i wish you were in my life. Don't blame yourself for their inability to work things out.And just keep on loving them. And perhaps, Someday they too will be able to truely learn to love each other
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A
female
reader, loving_life +, writes (22 December 2007):
Hey oh hun its not your fault. parents have so much more going on then you probably even know about. im so sorry that you feel it is because of you, and im sorry that you have to deal with this. it is a hard thing for someone to have to deal with at any age. and about your dad not being there, maybe if you tell him how you feel myabe he will make time for you guys to be together on christmas... i personally dont know alot about your whole story but i hope i have been help. feel free to message me
-best wishes
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (22 December 2007):
 No Sweetie,
It's not your fault. I'm sorry about your parents. The truth is that they aren't happy together and they probably have been fighting for that same reason. The truth is, every child in this situation blames themselves, or feels some guilt that they might be somewhat responsible for their parents break-up. So the worry you have is a normal reaction. But, a lot of families with probably much harder problems (think about how fortunate you are to be healthy and whole!) manage to pull through. The reason that they have split up is up to your parents, and they probably are both hoping to be happier adults. They are probably both upset and feeling guilty about breaking-up the family and how it will effect you more than they are worrying about themselves right now, if that is any comfort to you. Parents love their children without judgement or reservation, it's a natural instinct, a gut reaction, human nature. Your parents are leaving each other, but neither of them will ever stop loving you.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (22 December 2007):
 No it's not your fault. Problems parent's develop they bring on themselves. I'm sorry this is happening. Divorce is not an easy subject, and I feel there are never any real winners when it takes place. In any case it's not your fault. You don't direct the way adults interact with each other. I know this is a hard time. I am divorced myself, because I don't handle adultery, but I still love and take care of my children. It doesn't mean you're going to loose your father. I hope everything works out for you, and all though there are changes, have a wonderful holiday season.
Have they done any marriage counseling or anything. I recently worked with a couple who the wife was ready to leave and file for divorce. She felt as if he wasn't spending time with her, and was disrespectful in ignoring her. They're happy now. Their problem was realizing their married to each other, not to jobs, kids, bills, etc. They let their lives control them, instead of taking control. I had them schedule an additional 2 hours a week to go out on a date together without life distractions. It made me think, how many people are just a two hour difference with their decisions to divorce or stay together.
I give that example because blame could have been place so many places in why she wanted to divorce in the first place. The truth was they created the situation they were living.
I don't know your situation there, but I do believe most marriages could be saved if they only knew how to.
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